One point Five Miles per Hour
by OnigiriReject
Summary: Kyle and Stan have been best friends since they first met, Cartman and Kyle can't stand the sight of each other. But, it feels like something is about to happen that makes Kyle question all the friendships he once thought he understood. Style and KyCart.
1. Every Day is Exactly the Same

Hate:

1 a**:** intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury b**:** extreme dislike or antipathy **:** loathing had a great _hate_ of hard work

2**:** an object of hatred a generation whose finest _hate_ had been big business

Love:

1 a (1)**:** strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties maternal _love_ for a child

(2)**:** attraction based on sexual desire **:** affection and tenderness felt by lovers

(3)**:** affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests _love_ for his old schoolmates b**:** an assurance of love give her my _love_2**:** warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion _love_ of the sea

/\/\/\

Where exactly does that line lie?  
The tiny, indiscriminant, almost nonexistent line between hate and love… where is it? When do you know the difference? When does one stop and the other begin?

Is there truly a way to tell, or are they in essence, the same?

/\/\/\

_Beep- Beep- Beep-_

Kyle's eyes reluctantly opened. He sleepily reached his arm out to his bedside table and tried to hit the alarm clock, turning it off. The alarm continued to beep and vibrate until it danced off the table, and hit the floor with a thud. Kyle groaned angrily and rolled to the side of the bed, groping for the clock under his bed. Eventually, he brushed up against it, grabbed it and slammed it angrily against the floor, turning it off.

_God… Damnit…_ Kyle thought angrily, rolling onto his back and putting his hand over his eyes. _It __**can't**__ fucking be six thirty…_

"KYLE!" His mother's shrieking voice traveled through the paper-thin walls and through the cracks underneath room door. "GET UP, IT'S TIME FOR SCHOOL! UP, BUBBALA!"

Kyle inwardly groaned and threw the sheets off of him, swinging his feet over the side of the bed.

"I really… hate Mondays," he mumbled to himself as wiped his face with his hand. His curly red hair fell in his face as he stood up, shakily. The room swayed in front of him (a side effect from standing too quickly) and he attempted to regain his balance. He glanced around his room. It really hadn't changed much in the last seven years.

The same royal blue wallpaper adorned his walls, with the same purple lamp next to his bed. Now, though, he had his own library lining the walls of his room, with everything from Anderson, to Longfellow, Poe, Hugo and Melville. He also obtained a laptop about two years ago, which frequently changed locations from his bed to his desk, and vice versa.

A long mirror stood next to his closet, from which his clothes toppled out. Kyle grabbed the first pair of jeans he saw, and pulled them on (he only slept in his boxers now), followed by a grey shirt. On his closet door hung his recently-washed orange jacket. Another thing that hadn't changed. He roughly put his arms through the sleeves and zipped it up, completely hiding his shirt underneath it.

Finally, he pulled his trusty green hat over his hair and ears, to complete his outfit, and glanced at himself in the mirror, to make sure there was no leftover hair poking out underneath it. He really didn't like his hair.

_Same as every day_, he thought glumly, _same as always…_

He grabbed his backpack off the floor, filled with his homework from the weekend, swung it over his shoulder and walked out of the room.

_Everything is the same._

/\/\/\

South Park High School. It had classes just as small as the elementary and middle school levels, but still just as lacking in funds for new teachers or renovations. Nothing really had changed in Kyle's eleven year school life there- even the teachers graduated with the students, staying with their classes, grades one through twelve. No one was exactly thrilled to hear that their class would be keeping Mr. Garrison as their permanent teacher their whole time in the South Park education system, but nevertheless, the same students came back every year, to the same school, in the same, cold, snowy Colorado town.

"Kyle!" Stan waved happily from the front of the school, after seeing his best friend walk around the corner from his house. Kyle smiled and waved back, trotting up to his friend.

"What's up? How was your weekend?" Stan asked as he patted Kyle on the back, grinning from ear to ear.

"Eh, it was okay, nothing really going on. You?" Kyle asked, glancing back at his friend.

"Ah, same ol' same ol'. Got asked out last night, by Bebe, again, but I turned her down… again," he smiled through his black hair at Kyle. Long ago had he abandoned his blue poof ball hat, in favor of just the hair on his head. Wendy told him she preferred that a few years before, and he had really taken it to heart, continuing with the look even after their many break ups.

"She's being persistent, isn't she?" Kyle asked mockingly, walking with Stan through the entrance doors of their school.

"God, why the hell can't she just take the hint? I went out with her once, but come on!" Stan said exasperatedly. Kyle laughed at his friend. They walked down the halls, passing various classmates on their way to Stan's locker. "I mean, there was no chemistry! It's not my fault!"

"You're just too popular, Stan. Maybe you should tone down the level of your perfection, then they might not be flocking to you every day," Kyle said sarcastically.

"Shut up, Idiot," Stan said, smiling. Kyle laughed again.

"You seem to be an awfully good mood for someone that was dumped two weeks ago," someone said from behind the two boys. Kyle glanced over his shoulder, and smiled in recognition of the blonde.

"Hey Kenny," Kyle said, as Kenny walked between him and Stan. Kenny hadn't changed much either- only the fact he didn't wear his hood anymore. He was still dying from random occurrences every other day, he was still dirt poor, and still completely obsessed with boobs.

"Hey Kyle, what's up?" Kenny smiled as his stringy blonde hair fell in his face; he brushed some strands behind his ear as Heidi and Red walked by, giggling. "Anyway, has Stan seriously stopped moping for more than five minutes? It's a new record."

Stan's face twisted in anger, "Fuck off, Kenny."

"No dude, I'm serious, this is good for you! You're finally getting over the Super Bitch, after having trouble with her for, I don't know… eight years?" Kenny laughed. The three of them stopped walking as they reached Stan and Kenny's lockers. Stan turned away from his friends and spun the dial on his combination lock.

"Well, now her best friend has been hitting on him for the past week, although he keeps rejecting her. Apparently no ones good enough for the almighty Stan Marsh," Kyle piped in, laughing too.

Stan rolled his eyes, "Is today some special 'gang up on Stan day because he was away this past weekend and you two didn't have anything better to do'?"

"No, today is 'pick on Stan day because he's been acting like a mopey bitch for the last two weeks and he can finally take our jokes without killing us,'" Kenny said smoothly, leaning against the lockers.

Kyle smiled, watching his two friends bicker. He was truly grateful he could have friends like Kenny and Stan. Most people had broken it off with their old friends after about two years, but not them. The three of them, especially Stan and Kyle, had been best friends through thick and thin. Kyle thought of himself as really lucky to have the two of them as his best friends. They were a happy trio- the Three Musketeers, always there for each other no matter what.

"Hey assholes, how's it goin'?" an irritating voice said from behind Kyle.

Of course there was the fourth one Kyle never wanted to think about. He was always there, too.

"Hey Cartman," Stan said, not turning toward the source of the noise, Kenny nodded toward Cartman and smiled. Kyle fumed angrily and turned around, looking at the boy he completely detested. _He _was the reason Kyle hated Mondays.

Eric Cartman had changed the most out of the four boys, but only from the looks standpoint. He was the same height as Stan (Kyle was the shortest still, by a measly two inches), and had lost a lot of the weight from his younger days, solely because of adolescence. He still ate like a fat ass, and was slightly larger than the others, but overall didn't resemble a pig as much as he used to. He, too, had abandoned his hat, but still had the fashion sense of a complete incompetent. Personality-wise, he was still a bigoted, intolerant, uncaring asshole, only out for himself and what was best for him.

He still loved ripping on black people, the handicapped, minorities, women, sluts, actors, midgets, poor people, and basically anyone that wasn't Hitler, Mel Gibson, or himself. But most of all, he loved making fun of Jews. Or to be more specific, Kyle.

"Dude, where the hell were you this weekend? It was totally boring," Cartman said, looking past Kyle to speak with Stan.

"I told you last Friday, Cartman, my family had to go visit my grandpa in the nursing home, and I wasn't going to be around for a few days. Remember?" Stan removed his English notebook from his locker and put it in his bag. Kyle noted that they had English homework over the weekend, and if Stan didn't have his notebook with him, he probably didn't do it, and was going to ask to borrow Kyle's.

Kyle sighed and bent down to open his bag, as Stan continued, "Besides, I'm not the only guy here you consider your… friend or whatever."

Cartman rolled his eyes, "I know that, dumb ass, but you're the only one here with a car. Anyway, Kenny's dirt poor," Kenny stuck his tongue out at Cartman, "And I would never be seen with Kahl anywhere outside of school, imagine what people would think of me."

"Yeah, a girl might try to talk to you for once, but only to get Kyle's number," Kenny added, smiling evilly. Kyle and Stan laughed as Cartman frowned and glared at Kenny.

"Fuck off, asshole, not my fault girls are more into fags than into me."

"Don't call me gay, Cartman, girls just don't like you because they're not into fat, conceited, assholes," Kyle said sharply, facing Cartman. Cartman glanced down at him and smiled.

"Yeah, they're into cute _little_ things that remind them of lost puppies, might be why they like Stan so much too, always following that bitch around with a stupid puppy look in his eyes. Completely whipped."

Stan rolled his eyes at this, while Kyle growled angrily. "You're just jealous no girl would ever give you the time of day, fat ass! They all think you're too ugly to be fucking human, let alone someone they could date!"

"Kyle, just let it go," Stan said, closing his locker. "It's not worth it."

The bell echoed through the halls, signifying the beginning of their first class. Unluckily for Kyle, the four of them had it together.

"Oh, isn't that cute Kahl? Your boyfriend is protecting you," Cartman said, smirking.

"Lay off, Cartman, it's too early for this shit," Kenny said, walking through Kyle and Cartman, toward their first class. Stan followed and left Kyle and Cartman standing in the middle of the hall, glaring at each other.

Kyle sighed and walked after Stan, in an attempt to catch up with him.

"Trying to walk with your boyfriend, Kahl?" Cartman said snidely, catching up to him in two long strides.

"Don't you have anything better to do than annoy me?" Kyle asked rudely, quickening his pace.

"Of course I do, you should consider it a blessing I take time out of my busy schedule to antagonize you, Kahl."

"Wow, you know a word with more than two syllables. Congratulations."

"Whatever, just remember to use a condom when you fuck Stan later, you never know where he's been," Cartman added, the smile completely gone from his face. He coolly walked past Kyle and Stan, toward the classroom. Kyle rolled his eyes in disgust.

"Can you fucking believe that asshole sometimes? Ugh, _he_'s why I hate coming to school some days…" Kyle said exasperatedly, finally catching up to Stan.

"Yeah… what an idiot," Stan said distantly, not looking at Kyle. His eyes seemed clouded.

Kyle glanced at him worriedly. "Hey… you okay? If it was that stupid crack about Wendy, just ignore it, he's just jealous. We all know he's basically been in love with her for the longest time-  
"No, it's not that," Stan said sharply, his cheeks tinted red, "It-it's nothing, I'm just tired, I didn't sleep much last night…"

"Oh… okay," Kyle said quietly, worriedly watching his best friend as they entered the classroom.

"Okay, children, take your seats. It's time to discuss the timeless classic, The Hunchback of Notre Dame," Mr. Garrison said as Kyle closed the classroom door behind him. He walked over to his desk next to the window and set his bag on the floor beside his seat.

Stan slumped in the desk in front of him, moodily looking out the window.

_What the hell…_ Kyle thought. He sat down in the blue plastic chair and pulled out his English notebook. Kenny sat to his right as Cartman sat in front of Kenny, putting him diagonal with Kyle. Kenny glanced over at Stan, then back at Kyle.

'_What's up?_' he mouthed at Kyle. Kyle shrugged. Kenny frowned, '_Wendy again?_'

'_Maybe…_' Kyle mouthed back, glancing at the back of Stan's determined head.

_Idiot, you should just get over her already,_ Kyle thought, sighing, and turning back to his notes.

"As we all should be well aware of, Quasimodo means what, class?" Mr. Garrison asked the room full of sleepy students. A few brave kids raised their hands, among which was Wendy. Kyle grimaced and began to doodle in his notebook. Mr. Garrison skimmed over her, and spotted Kyle in the back of the classroom.

"Kyle, what does Quasimodo mean?"

Kyle was broken out of his concentration as he glanced up at Mr. Garrison and the class full of students turning toward him. He gulped as he attempted to remember the background information he looked up the night before.

"Uh, it's the name Frollo gave the baby the gypsy dropped… it means "almost like" in Latin, the baby was also found on Quasimodo Sunday, so many believe that Hugo was using a pun to name him."

"Very good, Kyle, obviously someone has actually read the book…" Mr. Garrison said appreciatively, glancing around the rest of the room expectantly. "You all could learn from that, instead of just fucking Sparknoting every single book I assign."

Kyle tuned him out after that, going back to doodling in his notebook. His best friend in front of him sighed heavily as he gazed out the window at the snow-covered tree. Kyle glanced up at him again, becoming annoyed and worried.

A minute later, Stan felt someone tap on his back; he tilted his head slightly to see a folded piece of paper being waved in his face, courtesy of Kyle. Stan took the paper and unfolded it, revealing Kyle's tidy handwriting on the inside.

What's up? Did something else happen over the weekend you don't want to say?

Stan clicked his pen and scribbled something on the crinkled piece of paper. He nonchalantly tossed it over his shoulder, back at Kyle.

Hah, of course you'd notice something was off.

It's nothing- don't worry. I've just been thinking

a lot lately, nothing to be really concerned with.

Kyle frowned and wrote something back, completely forgetting they were in class.

Come on dude, what is it? You look really depressed.

Was seeing your grandpa really that bad?

Kyle attempted to toss it forward onto Stan's desk, but the flying paper was intercepted by a large hand to his right. Kyle's face twisted in anger as he hissed at Cartman,

"Give it back! It's none of your fucking business!"

"Kyle Broflovski, this is my English class!" Mr. Garrison said loudly from the front of the room, "Pay attention!"

"Yes Mr. Garrison," Kyle said, receding into his seat. He glanced venomously over at Cartman, who, to his horror, seemed to be reading over the note. He looked over his shoulder, back at Kyle, and smiled evilly.

He grabbed his pencil and wrote one word on the paper, then tossed it back over to Kyle.

_Fags._

Kyle growled angrily, but held his tongue, for fear of Mr. Garrison noticing and taking the note. Instead, while Kenny and Stan watched, he ripped out a fresh sheet of paper from his notebook, crumpled it up, and tossed it at the back of Cartman's head.

Cartman, not being the brightest when it came to knowing when to hold his tongue, turned around and yelled, "What the fuck, Jew?"

"Eric Cartman, be quiet! This is _my_ class, and I'm sick of all these interruptions!" Mr. Garrison yelled. A few interested kids turned around to watch Cartman.

"But Mr. Garrison, that Jew assaulted me! You saw it!"

Kenny snickered evilly from behind Cartman, clearly enjoying this. Stan still didn't seem too interested in the whole thing as he stared out the window, lost in thought.

"That's enough, Eric! Kyle, you too, you _both_ have detention with me after school tomorrow!"

"What? But Mr. Garrison, I-" Kyle began, standing up in his seat.

"Don't think I didn't see you throw that paper at Eric, you're lucky I don't send you to the principal's office! Tomorrow, after school, you both here, in my class for two hours! Do I make myself clear?"

"Fuck that shit…" Cartman muttered, sitting back down in his chair, as Kyle nodded solemnly toward Mr. Garrison.

Cartman angrily glanced back at Kyle, '_Fuck you!_' he mouthed angrily.

Kyle sighed- he didn't want to be stuck there after school anymore than Cartman did, but he also didn't want to get into more trouble by arguing with Cartman. He rolled his eyes and put his head in his hands.

_I really do hate Mondays…_

/\/\/\

"God, that fucking asshole! It's not my fault we have detention- he should mind his own fucking business and not read our notes! That's what started that whole thing, asshole!" Kyle said angrily as he and Stan walked down the street about a mile away from the school. They lived about two blocks away from each other, and were able to walk most of the way home together, with the exception of one turn.

"Yeah… that sucks…" Stan said distractedly, staring at his feet as they walked. Kyle turned toward him.

"Dude, what the hell is up? You've been acting like this all day. Did something happen that you're just not telling me?" Kyle said, sounding concerned.

Stan stopped walking and looked up at Kyle, looking like he felt guilty. "Kyle… seriously, it's nothing like that. Like I said… earlier. I'm just thinking about a lot of stuff. Really!" Stan added when he saw the disbelieving look in Kyle's eyes.

"Well… fine. Whatever," Kyle said impatiently, beginning to walk toward the corner again. Stan slumped, stuck his hands in his coat pockets, and walked behind him.

"…Kyle?" Stan asked quietly after a few moments. Kyle rolled his eyes and turned around.

"What? Are you going to tell me what's _really_ wrong?"

Stan shifted uncomfortably and stared at the sidewalk. Snow began to fall around the two of them, the snowflakes drifting lazily from the sky, then ending their journey on the cement between them and the tarred roads.

"Have you ever… thought about something, then regretted it a moment later? Like… you knew you shouldn't think about it, then you think about it anyway, and feel guilty? Or… just really really confused?" Stan made flailing motions with his arms, trying to make Kyle better understand his point. It really wasn't working.

Kyle looked at him confusedly, his worried, green eyes looking Stan over. "What do you mean?"

"I mean…. Like you have a thought- a random, meaningless thought or day dream or something, that caused you to rethink… things. Even if you knew the thought or whatever was… dumb and you knew you shouldn't think of it…"

Kyle was seriously confused at this point. Stan threw his arms up and sighed. "I give up, never mind," he added. He walked ahead of Kyle, to the street corner, and waved behind him, "Later dude… see you tomorrow. Sucks about detention."

He turned and in a second he was completely out of sight, before Kyle could get a word in edgewise. Kyle didn't know what to think of their conversation just now, so instead he pushed it to the back of his mind and began to walk toward his house again, deciding it was better not to worry about things until it was needed.

The snowflakes swirled around him as he tromped to his front door, took the key out of his pocket, and turned the lock.

_Everything is exactly the same_, Kyle thought, pushing open the door. _But… why do I get a bad feeling that something is going to change soon?_


	2. Somewhere Only We Know

Friendship. Does it actually exist… or is it just another thing that we humans fabricate in order to make ourselves feel better about needing social contact?

Are friends even needed? When the chips are down, who's there for you, ultimately?

--

"Wow, you know you guys, I just can't wait until after school today, when I get to see Mr. Garrison for an extra two hours. I must be the luckiest guy in the whole freakin' school. Oh wait, Kahl is coming too, that's double amazing for me!" Cartman said sarcastically, his eyes shooting daggers at Kyle as he ate his sandwich.

"Fuck off, fat ass, it's not my fault you got detention for being an idiot and yelling in class," Kyle said coldly, not even looking in his direction. The four friends, accompanied by Butters, sat at their lunch table in the middle of the cafeteria.

"Yeah? Well if you hadn't thrown the paper at me, I wouldn't have yelled!" Cartman retorted angrily.

"And if you had minded your own business, I wouldn't have thrown it at you in the first place!" Kyle snapped, lowering his sandwich and eyeing Cartman from across the table.

"Seriously, guys, give it a fucking rest," Kenny said, sounding bored. He flipped a pencil between his fingers and stared across the room, at a table where a bunch of girls sat. One of them noticed his staring and waved; he smiled and winked back at her, causing much squealing from their side of the cafeteria.

"Gee, uh, how do you do that Kenny? Make the girl's all happy and whatnot just by smilin'?" Butters asked innocently, watching Kenny intently with his large, blue eyes. Kenny glanced at him and rolled his eyes.

"It's a gift, Butters. You're either born with it, or not," he answered flatly, running his fingers through his hair. He glanced briefly at Stan, then let out an enormous sigh. "Stan, if you stare any harder, your eyes will pop out."

Stan seemed to have just realized his friends were talking to him; he jumped slightly and faced Kenny, looking surprised. "Oh… uh sorry… just distracted."

Kenny frowned. "By Wendy. Again. Just let her go, man, you're driving all of us fucking crazy."

"I wasn't distracted by fucking Wendy! I was thinking about something!" Stan said defensively, looking between his four friends for some understanding.

"What have you been thinking about so much lately?" Kyle asked, genuinely wondering. He had no idea what was up with his best friend these days- he spent a lot of time staring blankly into space and sighing.

Stan turned to face him, then immediately looked away, "It-it's nothing," he said curtly, making an obvious effort not to look at Kyle.

Kyle was getting annoyed with Stan's behavior, and was about to say something, when _his least favorite person in the entire world_ just had to interrupt.

"Lover's quarrel?"

"Fuck off, tubby!" Kyle yelled automatically, turning toward Cartman.

"Not my fault you can't handle your relationships, Kahl," Cartman replied, smiling. Kyle's insides burned.

Before Kyle could retort, Kenny jumped in, "Just ignore him, Kyle. It's not our fault he's so sexually frustrated he takes his anger out on us."

Kyle and Butters laughed, while Stan wasn't paying attention again. He was staring intently at Kyle.

"Kenny, what the hell! You're supposed to be on my side, you dumb fuck!" Cartman glared angrily at Kenny as Kenny smiled amusedly back.

"Well, I'm just getting sick of your behavior, Cartman. Maybe if you actually located your dick and figured out how to use it, you wouldn't be so angry all the time."

At this, Stan smiled along with Kyle. Butters glanced worriedly at Cartman, afraid of his reaction.

"You fucking poor piece of shit! You want to die now?!" Cartman said angrily, throwing his Coke can at Kenny's head.

Kenny dodged it with ease and stood up, crunching his brown paper bag into a little ball and tossing it into the garbage can next to Cartman. He glanced back at the table.

"Butters, wanna go finish that chemistry homework?" Kenny smiled. Butters shot a quick look at Cartman, then stood up.

"See you later, Eric! Have fun in detention!" Butters smiled happily and followed Kenny out of the lunch room. Cartman fumed.

"God damnit, why the hell did he have to fucking remind me?! Argh!" Cartman growled and banged his head against the table. Kyle took no notice, as he looked at his best friend with worried eyes.

"Seriously dude… what is it?" Kyle asked quietly, his eyes searching Stan for some kind of answer.

"It's nothing, I just haven't been sleeping much lately, Kyle," Stan answered, looking across the lunch room.

Kyle's insides turned, "Because of Wendy?"

Stan didn't answer, instead he looked back at Kyle with sad eyes.

_God, it's always that fucking bitch's fault! What the hell did Stan do to deserve all of this shit from her?_! Kyle thought angrily.

"No, Kyle, it's not Wendy…" Kyle glanced back up at Stan and was met with his sad-looking hazel eyes. They seemed to be trying to tell Kyle something, but he couldn't decipher the message.

"What is it?" Kyle asked softly.

"If you two are done having your fucking gay-ass moment, I'm going to chemistry," Cartman said curtly; his seat screeched against the tiled floor beneath him as he stood up huffily.

Kyle turned toward him and spat, "Fuck off, Cartman! Enough with the fucking gay comments, okay?!"

Cartman snorted and picked up his tray, "It's not my fault you two were staring _longingly_ into each other's eyes like some fucking movie! If you don't like how I point it out, then stop being so gay, you homos!" He turned his back toward Kyle and began to walk out of the cafeteria.

"GOD DAMN YOU, CARTMAN!!" Kyle yelled hotly, standing up in his seat. Cartman didn't even turn around as he stuck a hand behind his head and flipped Kyle off. The lunch bell rang through the cafeteria as the surrounding students stood up and deposited their trash.

"Fucking asshole…" Kyle muttered, glancing back at Stan, who remained seated. "Can you believe him? I mean really-"

"I'm not going to next period," Stan said quickly as he stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder.

Kyle blinked and watched his friend throw his tray in the garbage can. "Why?"

"…I just don't feel like it, okay? Later dude," Stan hid his face as he quickly walked out of the room, leaving Kyle standing by himself in the crowds of students.

--

"Why the hell do I have to be stuck fucking cleaning?!" Cartman said angrily as he picked up a loose sheet of paper from the floor and stuffed it in a large, black plastic bag. Kyle sighed and turned his back to Cartman, sick of hearing him complain.

They had only been in detention for two minutes when Mr. Garrison decided to make better use of their time, they would be cleaning the classroom, while Mr. Garrison went down the street to Starbucks to grab himself mocha.

Kyle squirted a spray bottle he took from the janitor on the blackboard and wiped it with a rag. He was still angry at Cartman from earlier; he was afraid if he said anything, their argument would end with a chair flying through the window.

"I mean, damnit! We have fucking janitors, why the hell does he make the students do it?!" Cartman threw his almost-filled trash bag to the floor and walked over to a desk in the front row. He sat down and put his head against the table, sighing heavily. "This is such a waste of my time… I could be playing videogames right now, but nooo…" he muttered angrily.

Kyle bit his tongue to keep himself from saying something he would regret, and continued to wipe at the blackboard. His thoughts wandered to Stan earlier, and his severe reaction to Cartman's taunting.

_I'm sure that's why he ran out earlier and didn't come to chemistry…_ Kyle thought angrily, vigorously scrubbing a remaining marker doodle on the board. _I mean, he was… slightly okay before Cartman went and acted like… well, Cartman. God damnit I just can't stand him sometimes._

_But Stan… what's wrong with him? Ever since Monday, he's been acting weird. Well, for the last two weeks he's been acting weird. But I just figured that was because Wendy dumped him again. But he says it's definitely not Wendy that's bothering him now… Did I miss something?_

_I'm his best friend… how could I not notice something was really wrong sooner? God damnit, I'm so stupid sometimes…_

"I know you're a perfectionist, Kahl, but this is just ridiculous," Cartman said from his right. Kyle snapped out of his thoughts as he realized he'd been wiping the same spot on the board for the past few minutes, and not noticed Cartman standing up and leaning against the board next to him. He shot Cartman an angry look and scooted to his left, away from the brown-haired boy. Cartman watched him curiously as he sprayed the board again and started to wipe at it.

"You're thinking about your boyfriend, right?" Cartman asked, smirking while leaning against the blackboard. Kyle frowned and ignored him.

_How the hell did he figure that out?_ Kyle wondered vaguely, determinedly not looking at Cartman. Cartman's smile widened.

"It's pretty obvious, Kahl. You can't stand to be away from him for more than two seconds without completely freaking out," Cartman glanced out the classroom door as a janitor walked by. The sun was setting from the windows, dousing the whole classroom in oranges and reds.

"Shut up, Cartman, I'm really not in the mood…" Kyle said grumpily, backing up from the blackboard to review his handiwork.

"I know, Kahl, that's why I'm bringing it up," Cartman pushed himself off the wall and walked over to where Kyle was, glancing at the board. "It's fun for me. And anyway, could you tell me why Stan has been acting like such a sad ass pussy lately?"

"I don't know," Kyle said, getting seriously annoyed. "Why the hell should I know? I'm only his best friend, and he won't god damn tell me anything. Maybe it's just not my business, or he doesn't think to tell me, I don't know!"

Kyle threw his spray bottle and rag on the floor. _Why the hell am I getting so pissed off about it?! It's not like it's my fault he's like this,_ he thought as he turned on his heel and stomped toward the classroom door.

"Where are you going?" Cartman asked from behind him.

"Home. Away from you. Take your pick," Kyle said angrily.

"It's only four thirty. You really want Mr. Garrison to come back and find you not here? Imagine how that would sound in a call to your mom," Cartman said smartly.

Kyle stopped walking and thought over what Cartman said. He growled, defeated, and walked back toward a desk near the window. He sat on the table bit, causing it to creak a little under his weight, and stared defiantly out the window, never once looking at Cartman.

"…And Stan, he's just on his period because his girlfriend dumped him. Don't take it all so fucking personally," Cartman said.

Kyle glanced over his shoulder, slightly surprised, then quickly back at the red sky out of the window. The snow glistened in the light.

"…then why the hell is he lying to me? I'm supposed to be his best friend," Kyle said quietly, not quite intending for Cartman to hear.

"Who cares? Maybe it's just one of those things that no one would want to tell anybody, and pressing him about it might be making it worse," Cartman said. Kyle glanced back at him and saw Cartman, too, staring out the window.

Kyle sighed, "You're a real asshole, you know that?"

--

_And that's how I ended up here_, Kyle thought bitterly. It had taken a lot to convince his mom to let him out past seven o'clock, but when he said it was for Stan because he wasn't feeling well, his mom automatically agreed.

Fucking Cartman… Kyle fumed silently, Now I feel guilty. Shit.

Stan… open up, Kyle hesitated slightly as he brought his hand to the front door and knocked. No response. Kyle rapped on the door again, a little more loudly, and waited.

It began to snow as Kyle waited for a response from the inside. He looked up at the clouds and the snow falling down from the sky. They were the pretty snowflakes this time- the ones that little kids would cut out of paper and sprinkle glitter all over, instead of the hard almost hail-like ones Colorado usually saw. The temperature seemed to drop as Kyle shifted from foot to foot.

Just as Kyle began to raise his hand to knock again, the door creaked open a crack, revealing a very tired-looking Stan.

His best friend stared at him for a moment, his eyes adjusting to the dark outside. "Kyle…" he sounded weary.

"Hey, dude, can I come in?" Kyle asked hesitantly. Stan blinked and opened the door all the way to allow his friend passage. The door clinked behind Kyle as he walked into the living room, looking around for signs of Stan's family.

"Where're your parents?" Kyle asked, glancing back at his friend who was leaning against the wall, looking into the kitchen.

"They're at another one of those work parties. You know," Stan said, rolling his eyes. He pushed himself off the wall and walked toward Kyle. "What're you doing here?"

Kyle was surprised; Stan was acting a little off. He normally would've at least looked… _happy_ to see Kyle. Now, it just felt like Kyle was intruding. Stan had barely looked at him since he walked in the door, almost like he was avoiding looking at him.

"I'm… well, I came to apologize," Kyle started. This caused Stan to look up, a confused expression on his face.

"Apologize? For what?"

"Well…" _Where do I begin…_ Kyle thought, this _seemed like a better idea earlier._ "Okay… I know that something's wrong with you right now, and you won't tell me what. So, I'm sorry for pressing you about it. Whatever the reason is that you aren't telling anybody, I'm sure it's a good one, and I trust your judgment. And I'm sorry you don't feel like you can trust me, maybe I did something-

"No, Kyle, no… stop it," Stan walked toward his best friend, reaching out his right arm. He patted Kyle's shoulder, a sad look in his eyes, "It's not you, okay? This is just something I have to work out, like I said. Don't blame yourself- please." Stan's eyes seemed to be pleading with Kyle's- the browns and greens in them danced with the fluorescent light from the floor lamp.

Kyle stared at his best friend, not knowing what to make of him. Eventually he sighed, "Okay. But, I'm sorry anyway. And I wish I could do something-

"Kyle, just stop. Don't apologize, you haven't done anything wrong, it's just me… being stupid. I should get over all of it soon, okay? I promise," Stan half smiled through his dark hair and looked up at Kyle, his eyes light. Kyle's heart skipped a beat.

Kyle looked down, suddenly embarrassed by the directness of Stan's gaze, "Fuck, Stan, is that what you do to Bebe? That might be why she keeps asking you out."

Stan laughed and pulled Kyle into a quick hug. "Maybe I should stop smiling then, huh?"

Kyle laughed into Stan's shoulder and returned his embrace, "Yeah. Maybe you should go Goth again- that was great for you."

"Shut up!" Stan said, breaking their hug and bopping Kyle on the head. Kyle's hat fell down over his eyes as he beamed up at his friend.

_He seems to be feeling better, I'm glad_, Kyle thought, his heart still beating quickly from the look Stan gave him. _He really needs to tone that down, though, that look would be enough to turn even Cartman gay…_

"So dude, wanna play some videogames? I got Halo," Stan said, walking over to his TV and retrieving the console from underneath it.

"We have school tomorrow, dude," Kyle grinned at him. Stan rolled his eyes and faced Kyle again, holding out a controller for him to use.

"No better time than the present," he said with a smirk. Kyle looked at his best friend for a moment- Stan's eyes light from laughter, his outstretched hand eagerly waiting for Kyle to take the controller. Eventually, Kyle sighed and reached out his hand.


	3. Red Stars

When did it all stop?

When exactly did everything I thought I knew… change? Change into something I barely recognize?

At least tell me that. When did I lose my mind?

--

"Why the hell did I get stuck working with the Jew?" Cartman said obnoxiously, glancing over at Kenny and Stan. Kyle rolled his eyes and tried to ignore the large idiot next to him.

_That's what I'd like to know,_ Kyle thought, annoyed. He narrowed his eyes as he continued to scribble on their lab worksheet. He and Cartman were paired up in chemistry that day as Mr. Garrison slipped out to Starbucks to grab a warm mocha. Kenny and Stan worked diligently next to them, along with other students in the classroom. The only people who seemed to be having trouble getting along were Cartman and Kyle, mostly because of the former.

The day before, they were lectured about the Laws of Conservation of Mass. The assignment was to test various single replacement reactions and record the data on their worksheet. A straightforward science lab- easy for Kyle.

"This… is so… lame…" Cartman said, banging his head onto the black lab table. Kyle sneered and rolled his eyes.

"You know, this would go a lot faster if you helped," Kyle said quietly, not looking away from the experiment. He dropped a short piece of copper wire in the test tube and glanced down at his sheet. _Thirty seconds_, he thought to himself as he placed the tube back on the rack and waited.

"So? Why the hell would I want to help a stinking Jew?" Cartman said, snorting. He aimlessly tossed a beaker between his hands, eventually placing it near the edge of the table and sighing deeply.

Kyle cast him a spiteful look, "It's your grade too, fat ass."

"HEY! I'm not fucking fat anymore!" Cartman said defensively, "I'm just fucking big boned, remember?!"

Stan rolled his eyes and looked down at the worksheet as Kenny stared over at Bebe and Red, smirking confidently.

"You're delusional- and still an ass," Kyle said shortly, noticing it had been thirty seconds. He picked up the test tube again.

Cartman stood up, and shoved Kyle's shoulder slightly, "Fucking Jew! Say that again, I dare you!"

Despite Kyle being at least two inches shorter than Cartman, and about forty pounds lighter, Kyle's temper still always got the better of him. He wheeled on Cartman, the test tube in hand, "Well, dip shit, let me say it in words you might understand. You're a stupid, conceited asshole, and if you really hate me, why don't you do us all a favor and leave me the fuck _alone_!" Kyle spat out the last word.

Cartman looked shocked for a second, then recovered and pushed Kyle against the table, causing Kyle to put both his hands behind him for support. Unluckily, Kyle didn't seem to remember there was a test tube in his hand. A sick crunching noise was heard as Kyle cursed loudly and pulled his hand into chest protectively, looking like he was going to cry. Many students turned around to look at the partners, wondering what the noise was.

Kyle looked up at Cartman, his eyes red with anger and tears, "_You_…" he grimaced painfully. Cartman looked as stunned as Kyle.

"What happened?! Kyle?!!" Suddenly, Stan was next to Kyle, looking concerned and scared. Kyle closed his eyes and bit his lip in an attempt to dull the pain of the sharp glass in his hand. Stan cautiously clutched Kyle's arm, and attempted to extend it towards him, so he could see the source of the pain.

_FUCKING SHIT!_ Kyle inwardly yelled. He complied and winced as Stan softly tugged at his arm. He saw blood trickling down from Kyle's hand- there were some remnants on his shirt as well. Stan's eyes glazed over, and for a moment he didn't say anything.

He gazed through his black hair back at Cartman, with a look of pure loathing. "You fucking asshole… What did you…" he said quietly, his hands shaking. He looked like he wanted to hit him, but restrained himself and looked back at Kyle worriedly.

"We're going to the nurse," he said suddenly, pulling Kyle after him.

They weaved through the various lab desks and walked toward the door, Kyle not even opening his mouth, afraid he might scream. Every student watched them leave, their eyes glued on Kyle. Cartman said nothing as they exited the room. Stan clenched his jaw tightly as they reached the hallway, and took a left, toward the clinic.

The two boys said nothing as they ventured through the empty halls, the students all still in class. Their footsteps bounced off the lockers and walls as Stan's grip on Kyle's arm seemed to become stronger. Kyle glanced down at Stan's hand on his arm, and noticed his knuckles were white.

Kyle finally found his voice, "Stan… you can let go…" he said quietly, his head spinning slightly. Stan glanced back, and suddenly seemed to remember Kyle was there.

"Oh! Sorry, dude…" Stan let go quickly and looked away, a slow blush spreading across his cheeks, "Le-Let's just get you to the clinic, okay?" he turned his back on Kyle again and quickened his pace. Kyle followed and held his hand to his chest, the pain finally numbing slightly.

--

"Luckily, it wasn't as bad as it first seemed, because of all the blood," the nurse informed Kyle as he sat on a patient bed, his hand clean with new bandages covering the palm. Stan sat next to him on a chair, having waited to find out how his best friend was doing. The blonde nurse continued to explain, "And the test tube had a pretty clean break; there doesn't appear to be any glass shards in the wound. You lucked out this time, kid," she said, smiling cheerfully. Kyle smiled feebly back, still feeling queasy from the loss of blood. Stan glanced over at him worriedly, then back at the nurse.

"Is he going to stay here the rest of the day?" Stan asked.

The nurse walked over to the sink and began to wash her hands, then looked back at Stan over her shoulder. "At least until the end of the period… that's another thirty minutes. You can go back, if you want."

Stan frowned, "Mr. Garrison told me to come with Kyle and make sure he was okay, so I think I better stay until he's definitely better."

The nurse turned off the faucet and wiped her hands off with a paper towel. "…Okay, as long as your teacher said so," she smiled at the two of them, then walked into her office and closed the door behind her with a faint _tink_.

Kyle looked over at Stan and narrowed his eyes, smiling. "Mr. Garrison did not say that."

Stan smiled and ran his fingers through his hair, "I know, but any excuse to skip the rest of Chemistry."

Kyle snickered slightly and yawned; his hand still ached slightly from the contact with the glass. He vaguely thanked God for the fact there was no actual glass in his skin, just a few cuts.

"Tired?" Stan asked, noticing Kyle's yawn. Kyle faced him and smiled.

"Slightly, yeah, I was up late doing homework as usual."

"Then go to sleep, I don't care," Stan gestured to the patient bed Kyle sat on.

Kyle blinked, "You sure? I mean, you won't be bored?"

Stan yawned widely and stretched his hands behind his back, "Hey, I could always use a nap, too. And we have at least thirty minutes."

Kyle saw the logic in what Stan was saying, and fell back onto the stiff mattress, the paper sheet crinkling underneath him. He swung his feet over onto the bed and curled up into a fetal position, closing his eyes.

"Thanks for coming with me, by the way," Kyle muttered, opening one of his eyes at Stan.

Stan rolled his eyes, "Just go to sleep, Kyle."

Kyle smiled again and closed his eyes, sinking into the stiff mattress. He floated in and out of conscious for many minutes, and even vaguely dreamed of the bell ringing.

"Like I could sleep…" Stan's voice said from far away, "I haven't been able to sleep for a few weeks now… damnit, I'm such an idiot… grabbing his arm like that, I wasn't thinking…" He grew quiet again and faintly muttered, "Stupid Cartman, I'll get you back for this you fucking asshole… don't you ever hurt Kyle…"

_Stan really is… my best friend_, Kyle thought dazedly, unsure if what he just heard was a dream or not.

--

Kyle opened his eyes two hours later, to find Stan's chair empty and the lights dimmed. He glanced over at the clock near the door and saw it was just after one o'clock.

_He's probably getting lunch…_ Kyle thought sleepily, rubbing his eyes. He noticed the bandage on his hand again and poked at where his wound was hidden underneath. He winced.

_Stupid Cartman… _he thought angrily, _what the hell is his problem?! He probably failed the fucking lab without me there._

Kyle slid his feet to the floor and hit something. He looked over the bed and saw his backpack on the floor with a sheet sticking out of it.

_Did Stan bring it…? _He wondered vaguely, bending over and taking the sheet out. It was his lab worksheet, covered in Cartman's untidy scrawl. Kyle was confused, then read everything he had written. It was the recordings of all the data and the answers to the questions afterward. Kyle was confused.

_Cartman… did the lab?_ Kyle couldn't believe it, but the answer was as plain as the sheet in front of him. Kyle wondered for a moment about how Cartman had been in the room while he was sleeping…

Kyle coughed and felt his forehead worriedly.

_If he gave me AIDS again, I will kill him._

--

"Kyle!" Stan said as Kyle exited the nurse's office. He seemed to be returning from lunch, to visit Kyle again, when Kyle was already leaving. Stan bounded up to him happily, "Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah… thanks," Kyle smiled earnestly. His bag was slung over his shoulder with Cartman's handiwork in it. "Was… Cartman at lunch?" he asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

Stan's smile vanished and was replaced with an angry frown, "No, the fat ass skipped and went home. Kenny said he wasn't in math either. Asshole."

"Oh… okay," Kyle said, sounding disappointed. Luckily, Stan was an idiot when it came to noticing small details, so he didn't press the matter.

"Uh… Kyle? There's something I want to talk about with you…" Stan said, looking at the ground.

Kyle blinked, "Sure, man, what is it?"

Stan gulped and shifted between his feet uncomfortably. He turned toward the classroom, his back facing Kyle. "Can we walk and talk? I… can't really stand still right now."

"Okay," Kyle said, following Stan. Eventually, he fell into Stan's pace and walked alongside him, down the empty halls. They had about ten minutes before lunch was over, so they were the only ones not in the cafeteria. Kyle vaguely realized he should eat something, but from his sleeping all morning, he was barely hungry.

He glanced worriedly at Stan, who had remained quiet, even though he said he wanted to talk to Kyle about something.

_It's probably about Wendy_, Kyle concluded, rolling his eyes. _He probably wants to try and get back with her, again. God, how many years has this gone on? I swear, if Stan wasn't my best friend… Why the hell can't he find someone else? I mean, Bebe keeps asking him out, why the hell is he so god damn picky…_

"Kyle…" Stan started, slowing down his walking. Kyle glanced over at him. _Here it comes, 'I don't know what to do without Wendy! She was my life, what am I going o do?' Ugh, Stan… you're lucky I care so much about you that I put up with this shit…_ Stan finally looked at Kyle, his hazel eyes dancing in the fluorescent light. "Have you ever wanted to say something… but can't?"

Kyle was surprised at this, and thought for a moment, "Yeah, I think that happens to everyone at some point, dude. What do you want to tell Wendy?"

Stan blinked and stopped walking, "Wendy?"

"Yeah, what do you want to tell her, but can't? Is it 'I'm sorry, I love you, take me back,' or, 'I was an idiot, please forgive me'?"

Stan looked shocked, then hurt. "What makes you think I want Wendy back?"

Kyle was confused now, "Isn't she why you've been acting off for like a month now?"

Stan looked like he was thinking hard, then realized something, "Kyle… I'm over Wendy. I don't want her back, trust me."

Kyle processed this new information, then smiled widely, hugging his best friend, "That's great Stan! I'm really happy for you!" Stan smiled into Kyle's shoulder and wrapped his arms around Kyle gently, returning the hug. Eventually, Kyle stopped jumping up and down and realized how close he was to Stan. He felt slightly embarrassed, and attempted to let go, but Stan held fast.

"…There's someone else I like…" Stan said into his ear quietly. Kyle felt Stan's arms tighten around his back. There was a silence as Kyle tried to sort out his brain. Stan's breath was on his neck; everything suddenly got very warm.

"Stan…?" Kyle said quietly, unable to move.

Stan loosened his grip and pulled back, meeting Kyle's eyes. Kyle's heart stopped beating for a moment, suspending them in time. Stan's eyes were the same as a week ago. It was a horribly guilty, sad, pained expression. Kyle couldn't look away.

_Why is he looking at me like that? That's a look he would give Wendy… He's not letting go, what's going on…_ He searched Stan's eyes for answers, but, instead, Stan let go and stepped back.

"Sorry… I just… sorry, Kyle…" Stan said hurriedly, turning away from Kyle and walking off quickly, toward the boy's bathroom.

For a second there, Kyle had thought Stan was going to lean in closer to Kyle and press his face against Kyle's, causing fireworks and happiness and…

_Wait… Stan's my best friend, and a guy… why would he do that?!!_ Kyle yelled inwardly, feeling stupid.

_What the hell is going on… damnit. Stan, tone down that fucking look. That's why all the girls like you, you idiot…_ Kyle felt his face- it was warm.

_What… is wrong with me,_ he thought angrily, walking off toward their next class.


	4. Somebody Told Me

And when I'm not there with you, and I can finally think, what do I feel?

Is it sadness… or is it relief, that I'm not there with you?

Is the nervousness truly worth it in order to be happy… or am I just slowly losing my ability to think straight? Most likely the latter.

Explain this to me, because I'm obviously missing something.

--

The next two days flew by as if nothing had changed. Stan still acted like his same, old self and Kenny made no reference to Kyle's science mishap. Butters, as out of the loop as usual, was munching on his Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich happily.

Cartman, however, hadn't shown up to school since the accident, and Kyle couldn't be more pissed off about it.

_Fucking dumb ass_, Kyle thought angrily, biting into a French fry. The lunch room was buzzing as usual, today even more so because of the fact it was Friday. Students were busy planning their various weekend adventures and finishing up last minute homework before the next class.

Kyle scratched at his bandage angrily and threw his half-eaten fry onto his Styrofoam tray. Kenny eyed it hungrily, and Kyle motioned for him to go ahead. He wasn't hungry anyway.

_He doesn't even have the balls to come and see me?! He's the reason I'm stuck with this fucking bandage, he's such a coward. I mean, yeah, he did the worksheet, and it was correct, but I've let him copy my homework thousands of times! This is nothing!_ Kyle stood up and handed Kenny his cup of fries. He gathered up his tray, nonchalantly walked behind Kenny and threw it into the garbage can. Kenny eyed him suspiciously as he stuffed his face with fries, twirling his blonde hair around his index finger.

"You look really gay right now, dude," Stan said to Kenny as Kyle sat down beside him. Kenny rolled his eyes and glanced over at Stan, his eyes narrowed.

"So do you," he said menacingly, raising his eyebrows knowledgably and plopping another fry in his mouth. Stan opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but thought better of it and looked away.

"Okay, I can't take this, where the hell is Cartman?" Kyle growled at Kenny angrily, obviously not noticing Kenny and Stan's mini argument. Kenny rested his elbow on the table and sighed, a bored look in his blue eyes.

"He's at home, probably playing video games or something," Kenny said uninterestingly, throwing the last of the fries in his mouth until the cup was completely empty. Kyle growled as Stan looked over at him and patted his back.

"What's the big deal, Kyle? You got the lab done, you shouldn't freak out so much. I think it's better he's not here, otherwise I might just kill him," Stan said seriously.

Kyle averted his eyes, remembering he didn't tell Kenny or Stan that Cartman had actually done the lab by himself and dropped it off in the nurse's office while Kyle was sleeping. (Kyle figured Kenny was too preoccupied with Bebe's rack to notice, so he didn't press the matter.)

…_That would take a lot of explaining._

"Yeah I guess… but…" _Yeah, why do I care he's not here? It's not like I want to see him or anything. I should be fucking grateful he's not here… I should be celebrating._

_No one to make fun of me, no one to annoy me. Not one to rag on me for being Jewish, or a nerd… or slightly shorter than him,_ Kyle frowned.

Butters finished folding his half-empty bag of Oreos and putting it back into his Hello Kitty lunch box, then piped in, "I saw him this morning, he was lookin' real angry."

Kyle took a moment to process this as Stan pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation. "Seriously?"

"Yeah! He was waiting outside the entrance… Kenny, you saw him too, didn't you? You were talkin' with him about something." Butters turned his attention to the blonde boy beside him. Kenny looked irritated.

_He came to school this morning… but didn't stay?_ Kyle thought curiously.

"Why the hell did the he come and then leave…?" he asked to himself more than anyone, then directed his attention toward his most guilty-looking friend, "Kenny?" Kyle asked, a glint in his eyes.  
Kenny waved away Kyle's accusing stare and smiled, "I have no idea why he left, but he just showed up to brag…"

Stan and Kyle exchanged confused looks while Kenny glanced toward the clock on the high wall.

"Brag… about what?" Kyle asked. Stan looked away guiltily. The bell rang loudly and echoed off the cafeteria walls.

"And that's my cue to leave," Kenny said quickly, standing up and leaving the room.

"Wait- KENNY!" Kyle started, scooting his chair from underneath him. Kenny was nowhere to be seen through the crowds of people. "Damnit!" Kyle cursed angrily.

Stan stood up and put his hand on Kyle's back. "Dude, chill out, it's really not that big a deal… why do you care he's not here anyway?"

Kyle's eyebrow twitched as he wheeled on Stan and swatted his hand away, "What are you talking about?! I don't care!" he yelled defensively at a hurt-looking Stan. Ever since Stan had hugged Kyle in that… 'odd' way a few days before, Kyle had been trying to refrain from skin contact with him. "I don't care about if that asshole is here or not!! I just… just wanted to…" _ask him why he did the project…_Kyle thought guiltily. _He didn't have to… I would've ended up doing it anyway…_

"Damnit," Kyle said quietly, looking away from Stan's confused expression. "I-I'll see you later, Stan…" Kyle gathered up his books and joined the mass of people trying to leave the cafeteria, leaving a very confused looking Stan.

--

_Stupid Nazi asshole… showing up to school and then not even bothering to look at the person you hurt! _They_ had to spend the rest of _their_ precious school day in the nurse's office, you idiot. Thanks for caring… _Kyle thought miserably as he walked home

_Wait, no shit he wouldn't care. He thinks it's funny. He thinks someone being in pain is fucking hilarious. Sadist. Fuck off…_ Kyle clenched his left fist in anger, causing the gauze to tighten and the wound to ache a little.

_Like I really need you to pull this shit and skip and act so… un-Cartmanlike, right when Stan is acting so… un-Stanlike. You must both be having your period or some shit…_ Kyle smiled slightly.

_Stan… fuck. What was up with yesterday? Just… I mean, we already hug and shit. Lately… Stan's just been acting off. He says it's not Wendy, but nothing else has really happened as far as I know… Damn. He's lying to me about something…_

_And… why was I blushing?! Stan is my best friend. And a guy,_ Kyle reminded himself stupidly, _I shouldn't… get like that around my best friend. It's weird._

_Well, speaking of weird, HE'S been acting weird for so long now! I think I'm allowed a little leeway…_

Kyle could remember the feel of Stan's strong arms around his body, holding him close and looking at Kyle with pained, puppy dog, hazel eyes.

_He looks like that at Wendy… that expression. Why the hell was he looking at me like that?!!_

Kyle growled angrily. _It's all fucking Cartman's fault… that wouldn't have even happened if I didn't end up at the nurse's in the first place! Asshole!_

Kyle calmed down slightly and wondered what he was going to do.

_I just… want to know why he did the lab. Like… he didn't have to, he would have usually just let me do the whole god damn thing._

Cartman's shocked expression from two days before flashed through Kyle's mind. Kyle stopped dead in his tracks as he stared blankly ahead at nothing.

_He couldn't… no._

Kyle started to walk again, but stopped and turned around, facing the completely opposite direction. Snowflakes began to fall from the overcast sky; large white ones that melted when they made contact with the sidewalk. Someone had salted the ground.

_If I don't know why… I'm going to drive myself crazy._

Kyle took a small step forward, then followed suit with his other foot. He began to move at a quicker pace, his backpack hitting his back in rhythm with his footsteps. It was almost comforting in a way to know that something else was affected by his little movements besides his own body.

He soon broke out into a full sprint, as fast as his legs could carry him, across the sidewalks and sprinting across the empty streets of South Park.

--

Kyle had quit playing basketball when he reached seventh grade, although he loved it. He just came to the realization on his own that he wouldn't be doing it professionally, so he didn't see the point in pursuing any pointless dreams.

He had kept up running, though. Lately not as much because of the pressures of school, but he really loved it. Running was amazing. The feeling of being free to go anywhere and do whatever he wanted was absolutely exhilarating to Kyle.

As a result, he became very fast.

Kyle reached Cartman's house in less than three minutes, panting heavily and dripping with sweat. The snowflakes were falling heavier now.

_And now… what do I do? _Kyle wondered as he stared at the front door, the snowflakes slightly clouding his vision. _I just…came here on impulse… I don't actually want to see Cartman._

_Of course not._

_But… I'm here. _

…_Should I knock…?_

"I could have you arrested for trespassing, Jew, who knows what you're planning to steal," a familiar irritating voice said from behind him.

Kyle turned around and found his face directly in Cartman's.

"AH!" he yelped and fell into the snow, butt-first. Cartman laughed evilly at him.

"FUCK YOU! YOU FUCKING SCARED ME!!" Kyle yelled as he placed his right hand in the snow and attempted to push himself back up. He slipped again and doused his back (and bag) in snow as his hat fell down over his eyes. Cartman snorted and another wave of laughter came over him.

_Fuck…_

Kyle heard Cartman guffaw as he attempted to fix his hat so as to see; Kyle glowered at him angrily, and made no attempt to get up.

"…Asshole," Kyle murmured under his breath as he tried to stand up again, then winced once the snow from the ground seeped into his bandage, and essentially his cut. "Fuck!" he said loudly, cradling his hand back into his chest.

Cartman stopped laughing for a moment to see what Kyle was cursing about. His eyes shot open when he saw Kyle's hand. An awkward silence stretched onward, until Cartman eventually broke it.

"Dumb ass, here."

Kyle opened his eyes and saw an outstretched hand in front of his face. Kyle stared at it dumbly, as if unsure if Cartman was asking for money, or keeping his hand there so if Kyle tried to get up again, he could push him back down.

Kyle looked up at Cartman and saw him looking away, toward one of the neighboring houses instead of at Kyle.

"Since you're such a fucking klutz, it's not like you can get up on your own," Cartman said bluntly, not once turning toward Kyle.

Kyle eventually put two and two together, feebly raised his right hand and grabbed Cartman's. He was pulled up stiffly; Cartman let go as soon as Kyle was standing upright again, and still did not face him.

Kyle stared at him awkwardly, not sure what to do. _Thank him?_

"Than-

"Why are you here?" Cartman interrupted, sounding almost annoyed.

Kyle had almost forgotten what caused him to be sitting in Cartman's lawn in the first place. "Oh… uh… I was just wondering about something."

"And that would be what, Jew?" Cartman snapped, finally looking at Kyle. His expression was cold. "I'm a very busy man, I don't have time to be playing around with little sneaks."

Kyle rolled his eyes and brushed off this slight- he'd heard worse. "I was wondering," he started, getting exasperated, "Why you did the lab and then dropped it off in the clinic, along with my bag?"

Cartman's expression went, in a split second, from annoyed to surprised, then he looked away again.

Kyle waited patiently for his answer, eyeing Cartman carefully.

"…I felt like it," he said finally.

Kyle waited for him to elaborate. He didn't. "You… felt like it?"

"So? Is that a problem, Jew? Because if you want to do the whole fucking lab over again, go ahead, just give me the sheet back!" Cartman said defensively, looking at Kyle again.

Kyle raised his arms to the sky and sighed in disgust, "You know what? Fucking forget it. I came here to find out why, for once in your stupid pathetic life, you decided to be nice to me, and you lie and say 'you just felt like it'. Whatever. And you know, I have enough to worry about without you adding to it, so fuck off. I'm going home."

Kyle turned his back on the pissed off-looking Cartman and began to walk back down the sidewalk. After a few steps, someone caught up to him and attempted to stand in the way.

"I'm not lying. I just… felt like it," Cartman said quietly, his arm outstretched in front of Kyle. Kyle looked between the arm and Cartman, who was staring defiantly at his feet.

Kyle sighed and tried to push past Cartman, who didn't give in. "Fine. Just fine," he said, disgusted. He thought for a moment, then added, "Will you at least tell me why you showed up to school this morning… only to leave?"

Cartman looked up at that. "How did yo…" he started, then regained his composure as quickly as he had lost it. "Yeah. So? Why do you care what I do, you stinkin' Jew?"

"I DON'T!" Kyle snapped, almost a little too quickly. Cartman looked at him coolly. Now it was Kyle's turn for an explanation. "I was… just fucking wondering. Because I _felt_ like asking," Kyle smiled sarcastically.

_Take that, fat ass,_ he thought smugly.

Cartman seemed to giving Kyle's answer the once-over before replying. He turned his back on Kyle and began to walk back toward his house, "I just didn't feel like going to school today."

"But you showed up for the morning! Why the hell would you do that, and then leave?!" Kyle pressed, following Cartman back to the house. Cartman turned on him.

"I FUCKING FELT LIKE IT, KIKE!!" he retorted angrily.

Kyle's blood boiled. "DON'T FUCKING CALL ME THAT, IDIOT!"

"WHY THE HELL NOT?! YOU ARE ONE!" Cartman yelled back.

"DON'T USE THAT WORD! IT'S FUCKING OFFENSIVE!!" _What am I talking about… Cartman is offensive, he's not gonna stop using it no matter how much I ask…_, Kyle thought bitterly. The snow swirled around them quickly, almost engulfing them in their little bubble of space.

"Kyle?" Someone yelled from a car window, causing both Kyle and Cartman to break from their argument and look.

"Stan?!" Kyle said confusedly, walking over to the car window and leaving Cartman standing in the sidewalk stupidly.

Stan smirked through his black hair at Kyle, and unlocked the passenger door, "Get in. We're going somewhere."

Kyle blinked, then glanced over his shoulder back at Cartman, still standing like he had been slapped upside the face. Kyle's fury still burned inside him.

"Yeah… let's go. Anywhere but fucking here right now…"

Kyle pulled open the door and slid into the heated car, slamming the door as hard as he could behind him. He barely glanced back at Cartman as Stan pressed his foot on the gas pedal, and they were gone.

--

"DAMNIT I CAN'T STAND THAT IDIOT!" Kyle yelled angrily once they reached Stan's house and were getting out, "What the hell is his damage?!"

Stan rolled his eyes as he slammed his car door and walked around toward the front door, Kyle trailing behind. Stan took out a key and unlocked the front door, pushing it open and walking inside.

"I mean really… I was trying to be civil and he just threw is back in my face!" Kyle said, getting more annoyed by the second. Stan closed the door behind him and tore off his jacket, revealing a tight blue t-shirt beneath it.

Kyle stopped cursing about Cartman for a moment to realize how muscular Stan was, especially in comparison to Kyle. Kyle watched Stan's chest move rhythmically with his breathing as Stan shook his wet hair around, attempting to dry it.

Kyle stopped himself from continuing his appreciation of Stan's body and took off his jacket. He stopped once he saw his watch.

"Oh shit, dude! Is it seriously four?!" Kyle quickly asked Stan. Stan nodded then plopped down on his couch. Kyle made a dash for the living room table, which had a phone on it.

"I already called your mom dude, don't worry," Stan said tiredly, as if he was reading Kyle's mind. Kyle stopped running and looked back at him.

"…You did?" Kyle asked, hoping he didn't misunderstand Stan. "You called my mom for me?"

"Yeah… I mean, we can't really hang out unless she gives us the go-ahead, right?"

_Stan knows me too well_, Kyle smiled. He vaguely realized that Stan's parents' coats weren't on the rack, and assumed that they were at his house alone again.

He noticed Stan staring wistfully out the window, at the snow falling down.

"Why were you and Cartman arguing?" he asked after a minute, his voice cold. Kyle was surprised at this question, and walked over to the couch Stan was sitting on. He fell into the comfortable cushions and closed his eyes.

"Stupid shit… as usual," _Dumb fuck wouldn't answer any of my questions, then called me the 'K' word… asshole._

"Was it about what he talked to Kenny about this morning?" Stan pressed, still staring at the snow.

Kyle opened his eyes and faced him, "Wait… do you know what he told Kenny this morning? I mean… I asked him why he showed up at all and he wouldn't tell me."

Stan glanced at Kyle's large, green eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation, "Well… I have a pretty good idea what. Bebe told me…"

_Why the hell would Bebe know anything about Cartman?_ Kyle vaguely wondered, but he remained silent, ushering for Stan to continue.

"Well… I heard Cartman has a girlfriend."

Silence.

…_What?_ Kyle started giggling nervously, sure Stan was kidding.

"You're joking."

"No."

Kyle's giggling subsided. _Who the hell would want to date that asshole?!_

"Do you know… who it is?"

Stan looked back out the window, away from Kyle. He said very quietly, almost so Kyle couldn't hear, "Wendy."

Kyle's brain felt like it was going to melt.

"WHAT?!!" he yelled. The house rang with the sudden burst of noise.

"Yeah…" Stan said, still not looking at his best friend. Kyle, although he still couldn't quite wrap his head around the idea of 'Wendy and Cartman', looked at his friend with concern.

_Is… that why he's been acting weird? Did they break up because… she liked someone else?_ Kyle wondered.

"Stan… something is bothering you," Kyle started, attempting to lock eyes with his best friend.

Stan looked over at him, and smiled a genuine smile, enough to make Bebe want to jump his bones right there. He flicked his black hair back so it didn't cover his eyes, "Yeah… something is," he agreed.

"Why can't you tell me?" Kyle asked pleadingly. His eyes grew bright in the light, Stan looked almost taken aback by Kyle's tone.

Stan sighed, "I already told you, it's like… one of those things you want to say, but can't…"

"Dude, you shouldn't care about what you say to Wendy!" Kyle started, getting angry. He leaned over to his best friend, "I mean, fuck her if she chose Cartman over you! You shouldn't let it bother you! Obviously, she just has hideous taste!"

"Kyle… for the last time, it's not Wendy! I could give a rat's ass who she's fucking right now! I don't like her anymore…" Stan looked up and met Kyle's green eyes with his hazel ones with the same look Kyle couldn't stand. Pained. He closed his eyes and seemed to be trying to form words as Kyle looked on, confused as to what Stan was trying to say. Finally, Stan opened his eyes and looked determinedly at Kyle, attempting to choke out words.

"I like… you."

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

A.N./ And I leave it there. Much love to my readers of this story so far, thank you especially to those of you who read DSMB and decided to give this one a chance. Makes me super happy people listened to my rantings haha…

Next chapter: Awkwardness, truth, and much else to be revealed as things get even more confusing for poor, dear Kyle.

Much love at 2:31 am, OR


	5. Gives You Hell

To be in denial is a form of defense. It's to keep ourselves from admitting a truth, and essentially hurting ourselves or causing us to deal with something we'd rather not confront at that moment.

It's better for my sanity, in my opinion. After all, why would I want to admit something like that?

--

There was no sound in the room except Kyle's heart beating loudly in his ears. Stan's gaze intensified as Kyle's blood seemed to heat up under his skin.

"What… did you just say?" _I heard him wrong. Obviously, this is just a mistake. A joke. Damnit, heart stop being so loud! I'm sure he can hear you… what the hell…_

"I… like you, Kyle," Stan repeated, not breaking his stare. "I'm… not sure how else to say it… but I think I've liked you for a long time, a really long time… and I just didn't realize it. I'm sorry," Stan added, looking shameful, "I guess… this must be a lot to take in…"

_Okay… where are the cameras? Kenny, you can come out now, you too, Cartman. I know you guys set this up…_

"Kyle?" Stan asked nervously, looking Kyle over with his worried hazel eyes. Kyle finally looked up and met Stan' eyes, closing his own and grinning widely.

"Dude, I already knew that!" Kyle said enthusiastically, keeping his eyes shut tightly, afraid to look at Stan's shocked expression. "I'm your best friend, of course you like me! This just occurred to you? How long have we known each other?!" Kyle laughed loudly and convincingly.

Stan blinked and looked away.

"Yeah… best friends…" he laughed timidly. His eyes were cast downward, looking hurt.

_Best friends_, Kyle repeated to himself inwardly as he felt his cheeks heat up. _Best friends, best friends, just best friends…_

"Anyway, you still have your GameSphere, right?" Kyle questioned. Stan tilted his head in Kyle's direction, but still didn't look at him. He looked dead tired, like everything that just happened physically drained him of strength.

"Yeah… in my room. I'll go get it," Stan stood up hurriedly, his legs shaking, and walked out of the room. Kyle watched him leave, then sighed heavily, leaning back into the cushions on the couch and closing his eyes.

_Damnit…_ Kyle thought, staring into nothing. _He didn't… he couldn't have meant…_

_Shit…_

--

The following weekend went by fairly quickly for Kyle. He hung out at Stan's house for Friday night and most of Saturday. On Sunday, he did all of this homework for the next week. Of course, he didn't give any thought to the events of Friday night. It was slightly awkward between the two best friends, but Kyle chose to ignore it, and instead continue along as if nothing happened.

It was easiest to ignore things when he was busy after all. Until it's Monday morning and Kyle was confronted with one of the two things he chose to block out of his mind. Forever.

Kyle was in the process of retrieving Le Morte D'Arthur from his locker when his two least favorite people walked up, side by side, holding hands.

Wendy's raven hair swished behind her as she beamed at Cartman, her perfect white teeth forming a perfect white smile on her perfectly proportioned face in her perfect little life in the whole damn perfect world... God damn it, Kyle hated her.

Ever since she began to rule over Stan's life a few years before, and dictate whatever he did, Kyle and Kenny never really held a high opinion of her. They'd only officially broken up once, recently, maybe a month before. They'd had mini break ups, but would always succeed and getting back together within the weak.

Stan was depressed for the first few days, but had recovered quickly, considering how long he usually moped whenever she got mad at him and dumped him for some random reason. Most of the time, they didn't even make sense. Kyle suspected she just wanted to exercise her power over Stan by watching how miserable she could make him for a few days.

_Manipulative bitch_, Kyle thought angrily, slamming his locker door. Next to Wendy (more commonly referred to as the Super Bitch), was Eric Cartman, looking slightly off. For once, it looked like he put effort into his outfit. His already short hair looked jelled, so as to stick up more, and he was wearing a cleaner pair of jeans, with less holes in it than the norm.

Wendy was gabbing incessantly to Cartman as they walked toward Kyle. Kyle silently cursed their school for assigning lockers in alphabetical order, and kneeled on the floor to fiddle with his bag. While bending down, he vaguely noticed Wendy's fingers interlocked with Cartman's; she was swinging their hand back and forth between them and smiling like the whole world was made of chocolate and rainbows.

Kyle's stomach twisted as he cast his eyes downward, at his shoes. He began to retie his right shoe laces as Wendy and Cartman stopped walking about five feet in front of him.

"I'll see you later," Wendy said cheerfully, smiling like a little kid. Kyle rolled his eyes and jerked at his laces.

"Yeah… later," Cartman said, looking anywhere but at Wendy. He sounded slightly tense. Kyle looked up after hearing his different tone, just in time to see Wendy pulling Cartman toward her and pressing her lips against his cheek in a soft peck. Kyle's stomach plummeted as Cartman blushed lightly and looked at her.

"See you, Eric!" she called brightly, running toward the end of the hall and turning the corner, her heels clacking down the hall.

_Eric?_ Kyle thought, completely bewildered.

Kyle wasn't the only one in the hall staring at Cartman like he just sprouted wings and flew; Token and Craig exchanged looks of complete disbelief and walked toward Cartman, who still didn't appear to have noticed Kyle on the floor.

"Dude… what was that?" Token asked incredulously, eyeing Cartman like he was just elected President of the Universe.

"Nothing. My girlfriend just kissed me is all," Cartman said as he turned toward his locker and spun the dial. Kyle gave a final tug to his laces and glanced up, noticing Cartman's almost hidden smirk. Kyle was so angry he could have just spit.

"You drugged her, didn't you?" Craig said bluntly, his and Token's back to Kyle.

"No, asshole. As it turns out, she's extremely attracted to me and just happens to think I'm the sexiest guy at school, so we're dating now," Cartman opened up his locker and pulled out various crumpled papers, stuffing them in his bag as he continued, "Why, you jealous?" he glanced up at Craig and smugly smiled.

"Not of a crazy girl, no," Craig said glumly. "It's obvious she's completely lost her mind if she's dating you, so there's no hope for the rest of us sane boys. Keep her."

Token shook his head sadly, "I can't believe I ever dated her," he muttered quietly.

Kyle, having heard enough, finally stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder, his eyes narrowed.

_I can't listen to this anymore, _he thought irately_. It's too much… I thought Stan was kidding…_ he growled angrily and cast one last look toward Cartman, who met his eyes.

If possible, Cartman's smile grew wider than before as his brown eyes flashed at Kyle. "Yeah, she basically said she was in love with me and just couldn't hide it anymore," he continued toward Token and Craig.

Kyle turned his back on the three of them and proceeded toward English.

_I really do hate Mondays_.

--

"You know, Lancelot was the shit," Kenny said as he sat down at the lunch table with Butters, across from Stan and Kyle.

"What are you talking about, Kenny?" Stan stated, pulling an apple out of his bag and taking a large bite. Ever since Friday night, he'd been acting kind of depressed- more so than before. Kyle couldn't help but feel slightly guilty, but reminded himself that it was nothing and Stan was just moody because of Cartman and Wendy.

_That's it, it has to be…_ Kyle thought, _Stan just doesn't want to admit it because he doesn't want to give Cartman the satisfaction. It's not like it's anything I did…_

"Lancelot, from King Arthur? What we're reading in class?" Kenny started, "He really is an amazing guy, I mean, he's known as the best fucking knight in the entire story! And every single paragraph, some woman is trying to have sex with him! He has _the_ life!"

Kenny laughed and flipped his long blonde hair out of his eyes. It seemed to be getting a little long, as he was now able to tuck it behind his ears, but he didn't seem to mind.

"Bu-But he was in a relationship with his best friend's girlfriend- Arthur and Gwynevere?" Butters cut in, clicking open his Hello Kitty lunch box, "And eventually, caused the end of the Round Table! Galahad was a much nicer knight…"

Kenny shot Butters an annoyed look, "Galahad totally stole the show from Lancelot, and technically wouldn't exist without him, considering Lancelot was his father. Besides, he ended up dying anyway. He was just a fucking push over and a virgin."

"But it was his purity that made him able to see the Holy Grail to begin with… he's a much better guy to look up to than Lancelot," Butters said quietly.

Kyle rolled his eyes and opened his brown paper bag, pulling out some Frito's. "Butters, if you haven't already noticed, Kenny's loyalties usually lie with whoever is getting the most action, so arguing with him won't do any good. His shallowness knows no bounds."

A loose strand of blonde hair fell in Kenny's face as he looked at Kyle, "What the hell crawled up your ass?" he asked, sounding irritated.

Kyle sighed and closed his eyes, "Sorry Kenny… I'm just in a bad mood today." He did feel bad- taking out his frustrations on Kenny really wouldn't have done any good.

"Why are you in a bad mood?" Stan asked, turning toward his best friend. Kyle shifted uneasily under his gaze and scooted to his left, away from Stan.

"No real reason…" he said quietly, looking toward the entrance of the cafeteria. His stomach clenched as he noticed who was walking toward their table.

"Hey guys!" Wendy said brightly, her arm interlocked with Cartman's. Cartman looked slightly flustered as she dragged them over to the table and beamed at everyone, including Stan. "What were you talking about?"

A silence fell over the table as Stan glanced nervously over at Kyle, Butters smiled weakly, Kenny smirked and Kyle looked like he was going to throw up.

"We was talkin' about King Arthur," Butters offered up, breaking the silence. Kyle looked away and clenched his fists under the table. "Kenny was sayin' about how he likes Lancelot, and we don't understand why."

"Oh, I have to hear this," Wendy said brightly with a hint of contempt hidden in her voice. _Of course she wouldn't like Lancelot- he was the epitome of a manly man at the time the book was written,_ Kyle thought angrily, gritting his teeth. _Damnit I don't want anything to do with this bitch, why the hell is she bothering us?!_

_Because she's dating Cartman. Right._

Much to Kyle's dismay, Wendy sat down next to him and Cartman across from her, next to Butters. Kyle thought this slightly weird, considering they were supposed to be a couple, but shook it off. He cared nothing about the rules of their relationship.

"I like Galahad," Butters continued, nervously smiling while glancing between the five other people at the table. Kenny frowned at Stan, who looked like he just swallowed his apple whole.

"Frankly, I felt as if the book as a whole is overrated and lacking any sort of substantial character, and is very poorly written," Wendy stated. Butters cowered slightly while Kenny narrowed his eyes.

"No one ever said the book was well written, it's the stories that made it famous," he said, looking annoyed. Kenny liked Wendy almost as much as Kyle did.

Cartman remained silent and surprisingly, especially to Kyle, didn't eat anything. He didn't even look up at his friends as Wendy continued.

"Well, I feel for a book to be considered good, it must be well written. And all the women serve only two purposes- sex and corruption in the Round Table. If it wasn't for the women, the Round Table wouldn't have disbanded in the end," she concluded, smirking. "I feel like it's sexist and shouldn't be taught in schools."

Kenny rolled his eyes and sighed loudly, looked over at Cartman expectantly. Kyle, too, glanced up at him, expecting at least one snide remark, but instead he remained completely silent.

Wendy smiled satisfactorily, looked like she had just won the argument as far as she was concerned. She glanced over at Stan, who continued to say nothing. An awkward silence fell on the table.

_I can't take this, _Kyle thought, annoyed. He stood up quickly and shoved the chair out from underneath him, not noticing someone else, too, had gotten up.

"Bathroom," Kyle and Cartman said at exactly the same time, turning their backs on the table and walking out of the room quickly.

Kyle was slightly surprised at his and Cartman's in sync needing of the bathroom, but said nothing even as they continued to exit the cafeteria and turn the corner, toward the boy's restroom. Their footsteps echoed in rhythm with each other as they slowed down from a brisk walk to a stroll.

The silence was almost deafening to Kyle. So many questions he wanted to ask popped around in his head.

_Why Wendy? Why you? When the hell did you start to have any sort of attraction toward that bitch? She's Stan's ex girlfriend! Don't you feel bad? When did you lose your sanity and find that bitch attractive?!_  
_Wait… why do I care? _Kyle asked himself as they reached the door to the restroom, Cartman pulling it open and entering it first. _Cartman and Wendy? God they're fucking perfect together. A complete sadist and a bitch. Perfect couple- I shouldn't be angry._

_Is it because of how Stan is acting?_ Kyle wondered vaguely as he walked over to the sink and turned the knob. Cold water rushed out onto his hands, cooling him down slightly as Cartman leaned against a wall didn't make any motions to use the toilet. _I mean… Stan did say it wasn't their fault… but, why does Cartman going out with Wendy just… irritate me so much?_ Kyle glanced over at Cartman and noticed his staring, his brown eyes fixed on Kyle's face, unmoving.

_What the hell? Stop looking at me like that…_ Kyle turned back toward the sink. _Why'd you come to the bathroom if all you were gonna do was lean there?!_

Kyle couldn't take the sounds of his thoughts anymore as he splashed his face with the cold water. "So…" he began, attempting to sound nonchalant. "You and Wendy."

_Smooth, Broflovski, real smooth._ Cartman seemed to break out of his train of thoughts.

"Yeah," he said gruffly, "What of it?"

Kyle irately turned the faucet again, stopping the flow of water, and shot Cartman a look of contempt.

"Just wondering why she'd ever want to date a fat ass like you," Kyle snapped, pulling a paper towel out of the rack and rubbing his face.

"She was tired of dating homos like Stan," Cartman snapped back coolly, a wide smile splitting his face in two.

Kyle rolled his eyes, "Stan is not gay, you dumb fuck."

Cartman laughed, "Really? Why else do you think Wendy dumped his sorry ass?"

Kyle stopped moving and looked at Cartman, sure he misheard him. "What?"

"What, your _boyfriend _didn't tell you?" Cartman seemed to spit out, "Wendy confronted him about it and he got all defensive and pissy, Wendy thought it was best if they split."

_Stan didn't tell me that…_ Kyle thought, feeling slightly sad. _Why didn't he…tell Kenny and I that's why she dumped him? Why can't he trust us? Or… why couldn't he trust me?_

"A real bitch move, if you ask me. It's pretty obvious to everyone that Stan is gay, but she didn't have to go and point it out," Cartman said, pushing himself off the wall and walking toward the door.

Kyle couldn't help himself, "If you think she's such a bitch, why do you like her?"

The last sentence seemed to ring through the bathroom as Cartman stopped walking and looked over his shoulder at Kyle, a smile worthy of the Cheshire Cat plastered on his face.

"When did I ever say I liked her?"

Kyle blinked, not understanding at all as his rival continued on his way out of the bathroom, without another glance back.

--

A/N:

Trying to make my chapters longer, because I recently discovered a monster of an IZ fic which has 45 chapters and over 400,000 words. It's freaking amazing…

And I also feel like longer chapters mean happier readers. :D So this one was going to be a lot longer, but I didn't want to drag it out and lose the importance of some of the things mentioned in it.

I'm also going through a slight period of writer's block. Luckily, I planned out where this story was going so I didn't really have to think of new material.

Thank you to all the lovelies who reviewed my last chapter, it's much appreciated and loved. (Now I'm off to study for my Japanese Midterms!!)

Doumo arigatou gozaimasu ne~

OnigiriReject


	6. Come What May

Wait. Stop.

No…. please don't do this. My heart can't take it.

I can't lose you like this.

--

_You don't like her?_

_Why would you date someone… you didn't like? Granted, she's the biggest bitch in all of Colorado, but why would you even bother with her? I highly doubt it's because you felt sorry for her._

_And not only that… why would she date you?! You're a horrible conniving asshole! No one in their right mind would date you… Obviously, Wendy has lost all traces of sanity. Especially if she broke up with Stan, who is NOT gay, mind you. Why would she think that?! You probably gave her the idea so YOU could date her, you fucker…_

Kyle stared intently at the back of Cartman's head as Mr. Garrison continued to lecture about the importance of the Pythagorean Theorem. Kyle vaguely noticed Butters and Kenny weren't in their seats behind him, but he was too busy paying attention to the brown-haired boy sitting in front of him to give it that much thought. Ever since math began, he couldn't stop replaying what Cartman said to him in the bathroom in his head, like a bad record.

"_What, your boyfriend didn't tell you? Wendy confronted him about it and he got all defensive and pissy, Wendy thought it was best if they split. A real bitch move, if you ask me. It's pretty obvious to everyone that Stan is gay, but she didn't have to go and point it out."_

_Asshole_, Kyle thought angrily as he mentally shot daggers at the back of Cartman's head. _Fucking asshole._

"Kyle," Stan whispered from his right. Kyle glanced briefly in his direction, still huffy from the fat ass sitting in front of him. Stan shot him his best smirk, complete with raven hair falling in his face. "You better be paying attention because I don't understand any of this shit."

Kyle was slightly taken aback by the sudden smile on Stan's face, which was very different from Stan's usual expression since last Friday night, and looked away, his own face turning red. "It's easy," he muttered, "I'll explain at your house tonight… okay?"

Stan laughed quietly and leaned back in his chair, facing the front again. Kyle stole another glance his way and noticed Stan's suddenly somber expression. Usually in math, Stan's eyes were glazed over, but this time he seemed to be thinking hard about something and getting slightly annoyed.

_Probably Wendy? Probably._

_And it comes back to this asshole in front of me. Fuck you_, he thought toward the aforementioned asshole. _You just made up that shit about Stan to confuse me._

_And he's not my boyfriend, _Kyle buried his head in his folded arms and closed his eyes. _And Stan's not gay. Dumb ass. You definitely made all of that up… he's straight. He's my best friend._

_And I'm… fully aware how fucked up I am for even thinking I might be attracted to Stan,_ Kyle reluctantly admitted to himself,_ They're more, fleeting thoughts than anything. Just, brief "what if?"s. Nothing more. I know Stan is straighty Mcstraight straight, and I'm his… __**confused**__ best friend._

_I… don't know if I'm gay or whatever,_ Kyle peeked out of his arms and looked toward Stan, who he noticed was looking back at him. Stan looked away quickly and pretended to be very interested in whatever equation Mr. Garrison was writing on the board. _All I know is if Stan says he likes me again, I don't think my heart will be able to take it…_

_And Cartman? _Kyle sat up straight again and furrowed his brows, determinedly facing the back of Cartman's head again. _Go fuck your fucking perfect bitch girlfriend and leave me, and Stan, alone._

Suddenly, the door to the classroom burst open as a very disheveled Butters appeared in front of the class, wheezing like he had just sprinted there. The whole class, Stan, Kyle and Cartman included, turned toward him, surprised at the sudden noise. Token seemed to have just woken up and Bebe had a streak of lipstick on her cheek, like she was applying make up and was startled by the sound.

Mr. Garrison tapped the watch on his wrist and irately looked at Butters. "Butters? You're late, what's go-

"Kenny's dead!" Butters yelled suddenly, breathing loudly. His statement echoed through the silent classroom. "It was the strangest thing- we were walkin' to your class, when this big piece of plaster fell from the ceilin' and smacked him on the head," Butters clapped his hands loudly to add to the effect, "And he fell down- dead! I-I tried to revive him, but…" his eyes watered as he looked down at his feet, ashamed.

The classroom looked bored and slowly returned to whatever they were doing, during Mr. Garrison's lecture, a minute before. Cartman snorted loudly as Mr. Garrison rolled his eyes and pointed at Butters' chair. "Okay Butters, I'll excuse your tardiness, just take your seat."

Butters looked appalled at everyone's reaction and searched the crowd for the face of someone who might care. His eyes locked on Stan.

"Stan! Aren't you gonna do something?! Kenny was your friend!"

Stan blinked and with a bored look, flipped his bangs out of his face again. Kyle was vaguely reminded of his Goth days and realized old habits must die hard.

"Butters, Kenny dies every other week. I don't think there's much reason to worry," he answered coolly and smirked back in Kyle's direction. Kyle looked down as he attempted to hide his growing blush.

"Butters, don't be such a fucking dumb ass," Cartman said exhaustedly from in front of Kyle, "Just come and sit down."

Butters looked mildly ashamed and slumped his shoulders as he slowly walked toward his seat behind Kyle.

--

_God damnit…_ Kyle thought angrily as he stomped toward his locker after the last bell rang that day. _I'm going to drive myself crazy with all of this…_

Various people he recognized were walking by him and wishing him a happy weekend, but Kyle didn't notice. He stared defiantly at his feet as he walked down the familiar path to his locker. When he reached his locker, he dropped his backpack on the floor and readjusted the green bunny flaps over his ears to fix his hat.

He began to turn the lock on his locker when a voice to his right caught his attention.

"I'll call you tonight, okay?" Wendy's annoyingly high-pitched voice said.

"Yeah… whatever," Cartman murmured back. Kyle heard the brief sound of lips pressing against skin followed by Wendy's pretentious heels quickly clacking down the hall.

_Fucking bitch_. He glanced out of the corner of his eye to see Cartman looking dazed, touching his cheek as his eyes glazed over.

Kyle's knuckles whitened as his grip on the locker increased. Eventually, he managed to pull open the door as Cartman walked toward him and began to spin the dial on his own locker.

Kyle angrily looked over at Cartman as he stuffed his math book in his locker. "You're blushing," he said bluntly.

Cartman turned a deeper shade of pink and managed to spit out, "Fu-fuck you, Jew."

Kyle rolled his eyes and looked down at his bookbag. "For someone that doesn't like his own girlfriend, you're a pretty good actor. Did you enjoy making Stan feel even worse?"

"Shut up, Jew. Just cuz you're in denial about your gay little crush on Stan doesn't mean you can drag me and Wendy into it," Cartman smartly retorted, his blush slowly dying down.

Kyle stopped and angrily faced Cartman, slamming his copy of Le Morte D'Arthur against the floor. "You asshole, this has nothing to do with that!!" he yelled in Cartman's face (which would have been more effective if he wasn't two inches shorter.)

Cartman smirked down at Kyle, "Oh Kahl, this has everything to do with that. You just don't realize it yet." He turned away from Kyle and closed his locker. "Why don't you just admit you're gay for Stan and get over it? I'm sure he would be thrilled."

Kyle deeply blushed at this and shoved Cartman's shoulder angrily, "Yeah, well at least I wouldn't date someone I didn't even like! Why the hell would you do that?! Do you even care how she feels?! You're probably only doing it to piss off Stan, you piece of shit!!"

Cartman stopped moving at this and stood completely frozen from Kyle's words. Kyle saw this as a chance to continue his attack.

"Why would you date someone you didn't like? Are you just trying to get your rocks off because no one else would ever even touch someone as disgusting as you?!" Years of vengeful thoughts against Cartman seemed to be spilling out of Kyle's mouth and echoing through the hall. "You don't even understand the _concept_ of liking someone! You're too selfish! You don't even care who you'll be hurting as long as you get your way! You heartless-

A fist slammed against the locker two inches away from Kyle's head as he flinched from the loud bang. He reopened his eyes to see Cartman's face uncomfortably close in his own. Cartman's eyes flashed dangerously as he pushed himself farther into Kyle's personal space, as Kyle backed into the lockers in an attempt to get away from him.

Cartman locked his eyes on Kyle like a cat that just spotted a very slow and fat mouse. "_Who_ I date, and _why_ I date them… is my business, and my business _alone_, you nosy Jew-rat," his mouth twisted into a grin as he lowered his face into Kyle's. Kyle felt his heart beat against his rib cage. Cartman had a hand on either side of Kyle's face against the cool surfaces of the metal doors.

_I can't move… _Kyle thought, terrified of the close proximity with Cartman. He couldn't escape. Cartman's presence seemed to overwhelm his own as he tried to melt into the lockers behind him.

"I'm not dating Wendy to piss off Stan…" Cartman continued slowly, but Kyle wasn't paying any attention. He could feel Cartman's breath on his face as he began to mentally black out.

_Help me… Someone…_

All at once, Kyle's wish was granted as a hand appeared on Cartman's shoulder and pulled him off Kyle. Cartman turned his head angrily to see who it was, but was instead met with a fist. He flew back slightly and cupped his left eye with his hand, cursing loudly. Kyle's eyes adjusted to the dark-haired boy now standing in front of him.

"Stan!" he cried happily, pushing himself off the lockers toward his best friend. Stan grinned through his black hair at Kyle.

"I was waiting outside, and when you didn't show, I got worried," Stan explained breathlessly. He seemed to have run there to find Kyle, which Kyle was extremely grateful for. All of Kyle's fears from a minute before seemed to vanish into thin air as he happily beamed at his best friend.

Suddenly, Cartman seemed to have regained himself as his fist made contact with Stan's mouth, throwing Stan back against the floor with a thud.

"Stan!" Kyle yelled fearfully as he ran over to where his friend landed on the floor. Stan groaned and sat himself up as he cursed and wiped his mouth. Kyle bent down next to him and worriedly looked his friend over; his lip seemed to be bleeding.

Kyle noticed the blood and angrily looked up at Cartman. "God damnit, you fat ass!"

Cartman looked down at the two of them with a hint of pure loathing in his dark eyes. "No wonder Wendy wanted to break up with you, you fucking pussy. One hit and you're out like a light."

Stan growled and angrily stood up, making a motion like he was going in for a second attack on Cartman, but Kyle grabbed him. Although Kyle would have really loved to see Stan beat the shit out of Cartman, he knew deep down that that's what Cartman wanted, and he wasn't about to let that bastard get his smug satisfaction.

Kyle attempted to summon all the anger he had toward Cartman into his voice as he clung onto Stan, "No one would ever like someone like you, Cartman. You're going to die miserable and alone, and it wouldn't surprise me if you blackmailed Wendy into dating you. Don't speak to me ever again."

With that, Kyle pulled Stan away from Cartman, down the hall and out the doors, as fast as his legs could carry him.

--

"Oh, fuck!" Stan cursed loudly as he recoiled from the cotton swab Kyle tried to dab at his lip. "That really freaking hurts!"

"Well maybe if you weren't moving so much, it wouldn't hurt," Kyle replied curtly. They were sitting on Stan's couch at the Marsh residence. Since Stan's house was closer to the school than Kyle's, Kyle thought it was best if they just went the quickest way, so they could disinfect Stan's cut sooner.

Stan pouted and looked into Kyle's eyes with his best puppy look. Kyle frowned and leaned into Stan again, in order to clean the cut. Stan rolled his eyes and gave in, letting Kyle dab the cotton swab on his lip.

_I can't believe Cartman, what the hell…_ Kyle thought distractedly as he focused his attention on Stan's lower lip, which seemed to keep bleeding. _I was so fucking scared, thank god Stan was there… I couldn't move. I felt completely helpless, I was so scared. That fucking sadistic asswipe, I'll never be alone with him again._

"Kyle?" Stan asked worriedly, looking Kyle over. Kyle blinked as he returned from his thoughts to the deed at hand.

"Yeah?" Kyle vaguely noticed he was only a foot away from Stan's face. His heart sped up. _God damnit, why does everything have to be so complicated?!_

"You suddenly got really quiet…" Stan said softly. His hazel eyes shown brightly through his bangs. "Were you thinking about Cartman?"

Kyle inhaled quickly, "What?! No! I wasn't thinking about Cartman-"

"Kyle it's really obvious… you always look really angry when you're thinking about him," Stan looked away. "What… were you two doing when I walked up?"

Kyle blinked and tried to comprehend what Stan was asking. What were we doing? "Uh… Cartman was just trying to scare me. It's no big deal, seriously."

Stan's cheeks flushed slightly. "It… just looked weird. I mean I was worried where you were, and then I found you and him like that… and I just…" _Why does he look embarrassed?_ Kyle asked himself, surprised at this reaction.

"I'm sorry," Stan muttered pathetically.

"Why are you sorry?!" Kyle asked suddenly. "Why the hell are you acting like this? You saved me dude, don't be ashamed of that." Kyle's brow furrowed, "If it wasn't for you, god knows what could have happened. I was too scared to even move. That fucking asshole was saying some really crazy stuff, and he got in my face, and I just… I didn't know what to do."

After a moment, Stan sighed and looked up at his best friend. "We need to talk."

"No!" Kyle said loudly, dropping the cotton swab. "No, you and Cartman can't talk! I know you, Stan, and I know him! He isn't capable of talking, and knowing you, you'll just try to kill him!" _For hurting me_, Kyle silently added.

"I wasn't talking about Cartman and I… I was talking about us."

Kyle blinked, "You mean you, me and Cartman?"

"Kyle!" Stan grabbed Kyle's hands and desperately looked into Kyle's eyes, "Can you please… stop thinking about Cartman, for five minutes? I'm talking about just… you and me. Us. No Cartman involved…"

Kyle gulped silently as he felt his face heat up from Stan's words.

Stan continued, "I want just a little time alone with you, without Cartman interrupting."

"What are you talking about? Cartman's not here."

"Yeah but he's always on your mind! You bring him up every single day, I'm never alone with just you anymore!" Stan's grip on Kyle's hands seemed to tighten, "I want you… to just be with me. Without Cartman."

Kyle felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment as he tried to wrench his hands out of Stan's grip. It didn't work. . "Stan, let go…"

"No! I'm not letting go anymore, Kyle! Can't you see how miserable he's making you?!" Stan's eyes seemed to be pleading with Kyle's to try to get him to understand. "Just by being around you! Now… you should always be with me! I'll protect you, I'll make you happy! Why can't you see that?! I like you, Kyle, and I'll do anything!"

At this point, Kyle knew he was bright red. He couldn't take what Stan was saying anymore. _Fuck Stan… don't do this to me. I can't ignore my feelings much longer…_

Kyle closed his eyes and took a deep breath, breaking the lock Stan's hazel eyes had on him. He reopened his own eyes and tried to steady his voice. "I know you like me, Stan, and I'd do the same for you. We're best friends, aren't we-"

Kyle was cut off by Stan's lips pressing forcefully on his own. Time seemed to stop in that moment as all rational thoughts seemed to fly out of Kyle's head. After what seemed like forever, their lips parted as Stan reopened his eyes.

"Best friends don't kiss, do they?" he asked quietly. Kyle wavered before responding.

"No…" Kyle answered quietly, the feeling of Stan's lips still lingering on his own.

"So I guess we're not best friends," Stan reasoned, tucking his bangs behind his ears as he grinned sheepishly.

"I guess not…" Stan slowly put his hand on Kyle's hat and took it off, putting it on the floor next to them. He looked back into Kyle's green eyes and leaned in, putting a hand on either side of Kyle's face.

Kyle didn't protest.

--

_My lovely readers, I apologize sincerely for the delay, hopefully this and the next chapter will make it up to some extent…_

_A LOT has happened haha, and to list it briefly, it began with my college applications and Japanese mid terms, then I got sick and my mom severely messed up my computer (SHE DELETED MICROSOFT WORD AND BROKE MY INTERNET FOR A WEEK! HOW THE HELL DOES THAT HAPPEN?!! I can't wait to get my laptop…), then rowing slowly took over my weekends (and at a competition I threw up after winning haha). Finally, it's my eighteenth birthday on Thursday and Katsucon is on Friday through Sunday, I'm excited. I've been making my costume for the last 3 days/shopping for white high heel shoes._

_For those of you that will be at Katsucon, I'm going to be dressed as Mia from Phoenix Wright on Friday, then Shion from Higurashi no Naku koro ni on Saturday (a green haired girl covered in blood. It's gonna be FUN!!) So, if you're going, find me and just ask if I'm OnigiriReject hahahaa. It'd be great if I actually met some fans!_

_Anyway, that's my pathetic excuse for not updating in the past month. I'm really sorry, so much has been going on._

_So thank you for deciding to read my story again anyway, I promise it gets better from here. I'm super excited for the truth to come out in the next three chapters, in terms of Cartman's weird actions and such… muahhaaaaa._

_Love, OnigiriReject_

_PS: There's a reason I left the chapter there. The next one needed to begin there. :D_


	7. Give Me Novacaine

_Could someone live without having any emotions? I don't think, scientifically, they are needed to live. Or to survive._

_Is the only thing keeping us from animals the ability to distinguish our emotions from them? Because at this point, I'd like to stop feeling. It's ruining my logic._

_I can't think._

_I can't think…_

--

Stan pushed Kyle back onto the cushions as their kiss intensified greatly, considering they'd only been going at it for less than a minute. Stan carefully held Kyle in his arms, like he was afraid his ex-best friend would break if he wasn't careful. Kyle could care less though. Kyle felt like he could sore.

The cushions creaked underneath Stan's jeans as his hands wandered to Kyle's hair, feeling his soft curls underneath his fingers. Kyle couldn't remember feeling as complete and happy as when Stan held him then, caressing Kyle's lips gently with his own. It felt like Kyle's years of confusion about his feelings for Stan finally made sense. Everything fell into place in the moment Stan had shut him up with just his lips.

Stan pressed his chest against Kyle's, their arms tightly wrapped around each other. Kyle felt as if he could die happy.

_Why is Stan doing this? Why… he's making me so happy. And he's killing me… _Kyle's slowly fading logic asked. _He's only doing this for me…_

_It's going to end…_

"No!" Kyle ripped his lips away from Stan's and pushed him off. Stan's hazel eyes widened in surprise; Kyle vaguely noticed the blood on Stan's lip was smudged.

"Kyle?" he asked dumbly, confused as to why Kyle pushed him away so violently.

"I can't… I can't…" Kyle said feebly, eventually pushing Stan off his legs so he could swing them over the side of the couch and stand up. He swayed slightly but managed to regain his composure before walking to the front door and pulling it open.

"Kyle- wait!" Stan yelled pleadingly. Kyle took a quick step outside and swung the door closed behind him.

--

Kyle didn't exactly know how he ended up under a streetlamp, at the basketball court he and his friends used to play at when they were little. He just kept running until he felt like running wouldn't get him anywhere.

Night had fallen at some point between when Kyle ran from Stan's house and when he collapsed under the streetlamp. It had also started snowing during his run, though he wasn't sure quite when. It was then Kyle realized he left his bag and, more importantly in the cold, his hat at Stan's house.

_Stan… _Kyle thought sadly. _Fuck. I mess everything up. I don't even know what I want anymore… I mean. Fine. I'll admit it. I like Stan. More than a friend._

_But, I still don't understand why he kissed me… He can't like me. I can't believe that one._

_How many years was he drooling after Wendy? He wouldn't just change like that… Well, Wendy did. I consider smug fat asses a completely different species from Stan._

_God… damnit_, Kyle sat up and pulled his legs toward him in a tight hug. The snowflakes falling from the dark sky were large and resembled the paper cut outs overly enthusiastic kids, eager for snow days, would tape on their walls. Each one symmetrical yet not identical to each other. It truly was amazing to look at.

But Kyle didn't feel like staring in wonder at the white mess surrounding him. Instead, he sat huddled on the ground, with his head buried in his knees, defiantly ignoring the world around him. Everything was too much to take in at that moment; if he added anything else to his thoughts, he was sure his brain would explain.

_Why did I run here?_ Kyle's eyes watered up. He could very much remember playing basketball on this court many times with Kenny, Cartman… and Stan. He didn't want to think about his friends at the moment, because it just seemed to drive home the fact that he really was alone.

_I ran away… to get away from Stan, and clear my head_, Kyle reasoned, his head reeling from his thoughts; he tried to pick them out one by one and make more sense of his situation. _But… I didn't have anywhere to run to._

_Normally, in a situation where I don't know what to do, or I feel lost… I go to Stan. Because he's my best friend and understands me and accepts me for who I am. And I like that._

_And then, I can't go to Stan, because he's the thing making me feel lost and unsure and insecure. And there was my problem…_ Kyle sighed, his eyes closed. Luckily, his hair was thick enough that the cold snow didn't hit his scalp, so he was still pretty warm.

_My second choice would normally be Kenny. But, Kenny died during Math today… and I could never go to Butters about anything. He's Kenny's friend and Cartman's puppet, and doesn't know me very well… he would probably go tell Cartman anything I said anyway. Asshole._

_And that…is how I ended up here._

Kyle balled his right hand into a fist and hit the snow beside him with force, causing some loose flakes to break from the pile. His hand throbbed in pain; Kyle looked at his hand and realized it had been the same hand he hurt in the lab-incident weeks before, when Cartman pushed him into the desk and the test tube shattered all over Kyle's hand. "Fuck," Kyle swore angrily, stretching out his fingers, then retracting them back into his palm.

"Somehow I'm not surprised to find you here," a voice said from in front of him. Kyle tiled his head up and saw, much to his dismay, the aforementioned asshole.

"Go away, Cartman, I'm not in the fucking mood," Kyle said glumly, putting his head back on his knees. The snow under the other boy's shoes crunched as he leaned toward Kyle.

Cartman replied in a giddy singsong voice, "I thought you weren't going to talk to me."

Kyle growled from inside his arms but didn't make any other motion to move or respond. He sat defiantly in the snow, his jeans growing colder from the frozen water seeping through them. After a few minutes, Kyle noted Cartman hadn't moved from his position, still standing awkwardly in front of Kyle. Eventually, Kyle looked up and was met with Cartman's outstretched hand, while Cartman seemed to be extremely interested in the basketball hoop and was not facing the red-haired boy.

Kyle was vaguely reminded of the week before, when he fell down in the snow outside of Cartman's house. The same boy that helped him stand up then, now stood in front of him, his hand dangling in Kyle's face, and not looking too pleased.

Kyle huffed, an annoyed expression flashing in his eyes, and turned his body sharply away from Cartman. The corners of Cartman's mouth twisted into a frown as he sighed.

After a moment, Kyle heard something plop in the snow to his left. He glanced over his shoulder briefly to see Cartman sitting on the cold pavement next to him, looking quite annoyed. Kyle smugly noted that Cartman's left eye was slightly puffy and dark from Stan's assault on his face earlier.

_Earlier… right_, Kyle remembered, slightly scooting away from Cartman. Their close proximity made him uneasy because of Cartman's strange attack on him earlier, when he shoved Kyle against the lockers and lowered his face too close for Kyle's liking.

Kyle weighed his fears briefly, and realized that at that moment, he had no reason to fear Cartman, and worrying about it would do him more harm than good. He had better things to worry about than Cartman popping his personal space bubble.

_Fuck my fears… I don't care anymore. Besides, I should be the angry one, not him. He has no reason to attack me now, and he would've done it by now anyway if he was going to._

He remembered the feeling of Cartman's breath on his face and shook his head, pushing away all fears of an attack.

"How…" Kyle started, deciding to at least try and be civil. "Did you know it was me over here?"

Cartman blinked, surprised, then his face split into a wide smile, "Your Jewfro is like a fucking beacon, Kahl, I'm surprised planes aren't landing near you."

Cartman cackled as Kyle felt his head reflexively, briefly forgetting Stan had removed the hat while they were…

Realizing this, Kyle groaned and looked away from Cartman, toward the snow drifting in front of him.

_Fuck… I really didn't want to remember that_, he thought with a bit of self-loathing.

It didn't look like the snow was going to let up anytime soon as the flakes fell quickly from the sky. He shivered, wishing he hadn't left all his warm possessions at Stan's house. A minute later, a weird feeling overcame Kyle as he watched the snow; it felt like he was being watched.

He glanced back over at Cartman and realized he was right, as Cartman's brown eyes were looking over Kyle intently.

"What?" Kyle spat, slightly annoyed and slightly uneasy.

"There's blood on your lip," the brown-haired boy replied bluntly.

Kyle automatically touched his fingers to his lips, to feel for a cut, but there was no residue of fresh blood on his lips- it had to have been dry.

_But why would my lip be…_ Kyle started to think, then it dawned on him it wasn't his blood on his lips. The feeling of Stan' mouth on his own overcame Kyle's senses as a violent red appeared on his cheeks.

_Well… we were patching up his lip, but… we got kind of side-tracked…_

While Kyle's brain attempted to restart itself, he didn't notice Cartman watching him curiously. Eventually, Cartman turned his gaze toward the snow piling up in front of him, across the basketball court. He remained silent for a while.

"Was your boyfriend hurt?" he asked later, almost sounding like he was worried about someone other than himself. But Kyle knew better.

"No, Stan's fine. And he's not my boyfriend," Kyle added quickly, never once looking at Cartman.

Cartman rolled his eyes and sighed, sounding exhausted, "Oh Kahl… why don't you just admit your little boy-crush and do us all a favor?"

"Shut up, tubby," Kyle quickly shot back, his voice becoming quieter. His blush melted the snow that was landing on his face.

Cartman scowled in annoyance as he continued. "It's totally obvious you like him Kahl- even Butters has noticed. And you must know by now he likes you back, you dumb little fags. I'm surprised you aren't off fucking somewhere right no-

"SHUT UP CARTMAN!" Kyle yelled angrily, finally facing Cartman, tears in his eyes. Cartman blinked, surprised, as Kyle continued, "God damn it, do you just love making me miserable? Is that why you just keep showing up when I'm all alone? So you can pick on me without Stan or someone to protect me?!"

Kyle lost it. He stood up as hot tears trickled down his cheeks. "Don't say things like that! He doesn't like me, and all you're doing is getting my hopes up just to be dashed again! Hell, it's probably your fault, too, that Stan felt so guilty about my feelings for him that he kissed me! And he didn't even mean it! You know what, Cartman?! FUCK YOU!!"

Cartman, for once in his entire life, looked completely speechless. He watched Kyle pant in front of him as the expression on his face turned from shock to disgust, then to anger, and finally, confusion.

"So you are admitting you have feelings for Stan?" he asked quietly.

Kyle blinked as the last of his tears rolled down his cheeks and hit the snow. He sighed as he rethought what he just said, replaying it in his head so he could hear the slip up. "…Yes," he admitted quietly, hanging his head in shame, "…I… like Stan."

Kyle sat down again in defeat and buried his head in his hands softly. Warm tears fell into his hands as he tried to hold back sobs. It's not like he was sad or anything, but it just felt like a wall he'd built inside of himself years ago was finally breaking, and letting loose things he'd wanted to push away. It was almost therapeutic- he didn't have to lie to himself anymore,

_How long have I liked him? One year? Two?_

_Maybe even before that, when we were kids. Did it start then? Maybe this 'friendship' I built my entire life around was a façade- a mask for my true feelings._

_I feel… so dirty_, Kyle concluded, sniffing pathetically. Cartman remained silent as Kyle's tears finally subsided and he calmed down a bit. Kyle didn't even want to face him- he could only imagine the kind of pleasure Cartman was getting out of watching Kyle writhe. The fact Cartman heard Kyle's feelings for Stan was already weighing on Kyle's mind, but his heart was already full of so many emotions, he couldn't take another thing to worry about.

The silence stretched between the two boys as the snowfall continued around them. The moonlight glistened off the icy pavement and snow-covered grass and trees, causing everything to glisten dully. It was calming in an almost eerie way. Kyle turned his head toward the sky to gaze at the drifting white flakes. His cheeks stung with the residue of tears.

"Everything… is so fucked up," Kyle said sadly, gazing at the dark sky.

Cartman made a slight noise of agreement and also stared into the blackness above them.

The snow matted down Kyle's hair and finally seemed to seep into his roots; he shivered as the ice hit his scalp. In that instant, Kyle remembered something he read when he was eight. When his dad moved he and his family to San Francisco, and away from South Park.

One of the nights when Kyle was feeling particularly homesick, he logged onto his computer and searched for 'South Park, Colorado' on Google. A lot of sites came up, like the history of the town, the articles on the various schools, and some geographic information. At some point, Kyle read about the snow that fell there. Living in San Fran, he didn't need his winter gear like in South Park, and he missed it.

He stayed up all night reading about snow. The condensation, the precipitation, the temperature it began to stick when it hit the ground, and about the rate snow fell from the sky.

"You know…" Kyle said quietly, almost to himself. "I read somewhere the rate at which snow falls is anywhere from one point five miles per hour to nine miles per hour. The nine is when it's really icy, and the one point five is when the snow falls really slowly. It's the perfect snow that everyone imagines, the stuff we used to draw when we were kids… Kinda like the snow right now."

Cartman didn't respond. Kyle continued to stare at the sky- at this point, he didn't especially care what Cartman did.

"It snows too much here," Kyle continued. "It's always cold… I don't see why everyone really likes the snow." He raised his hand and shook out his curls, setting free some of the snow that was caught in them. He shivered slightly as his teeth began to chatter. "I… hate the snow."

Kyle's chattering teeth broke the awkward silence between them.

"If it didn't snow…" Cartman said quietly. "People wouldn't like the sun as much."

Kyle stopped shivering, turned to look over at Cartman and was met with brown eyes and a smirk. Kyle stopped for a second, surprised at this expression on Cartman's face, then slowly lost his ability to think. He stared at the face of the boy next to him, looking him over curiously.

He'd known Eric Cartman since he was much younger. Through the years, they had always fought and argued over every little thing, whether it was where Gingers came from or if Family Guy should've been cancelled. Cartman had attempted to kill Kyle more times than he could count on one hand, and had once hated a guy so much, he ground the kid's parents into chili and then fed it to the kid.

In Kyle's mind, Cartman would always be the same intolerant, fat, lazy sociopath he was when he was younger. But, he used to be a lot easier to understand. Recently, he was doing things extremely out of character for the Eric Cartman Kyle had known his whole life. Well, he was still being an asshole, but a different kind of asshole.

Kyle looked into Cartman's brown eyes, and realized in all his years of fighting with the boy, he'd never really looked at him. He'd memorized Kenny's blue eyes and Stan's hazel by now, from all the time they spent together, but he'd somehow managed to overlook Cartman's. They were a deep brown with flecks of gold at the edges; it was easy to overlook the beauty of them if Kyle hadn't been staring directly into them.

He'd known Cartman as long as he'd known the other two, why hadn't he noticed what his eyes looked like yet? Kyle was racking his brain for answers.

_Well… we've never exactly been friends_, Kyle thought to himself, looking over various details of Cartman's face. His eyes trailed along the small bridge of his nose, then along the outside of his round face. _He really… doesn't look the same as he used too…_

Kyle trailed off, and it finally hit him, he'd been staring at Eric Cartman for more than three minutes by that time.

He gasped and almost pulled back when he also realized he'd been leaning in slightly to get a better look at him. The stranger thing, though, was the fact Cartman had remained silent the entire time Kyle was looking over him, and didn't pull back when Kyle leaned in.

Kyle quickly calculated that they were barely six inches apart. Cartman's breath warmed his face and melted some of the snow on the tip of Kyle's nose.

Everything was silent as the two boys' eyes remained locked. Even the snow itself seemed to stop falling for a brief second. Kyle's lids lowered slightly.

All of a sudden, Kyle pulled back and tore his gaze from Cartman's. He tripped over himself as he attempted to stand. "M-my…" he started, looking anywhere but at Cartman. "My mom… wants me home."

Kyle turned his back on the brown-haired boy sitting on the asphalt and tried to take a step.

"Of course the bitch wants you home," Cartman said. The hairs on the back of Kyle's neck stood up- he was afraid to turn around, he was sure Cartman was smirking like before. He couldn't face that.

"Sh-shut up," Kyle murmured, taking another step in the snow. The ice crunched underneath his sneakers as he started to jog, and then run, away from the basketball court, and through the familiar streets of South Park, leaving Cartman behind.

_What… was that? Oh god…_ Kyle put his hand up to his cheek as he ran. His face was warm.

_Fucking… Cartman._

--

"Mom?" Kyle called when he closed the door behind him. He took off his soaking wet shoes and attempted to shake his body free of the wet residue of the snow. It was hopeless- he was soaked all the way through to his underwear.

"Kyle?" his dad called from the study. Kyle walked past the living room and poked his head in on his dad.

"Sorry I'm late…" Kyle started, glancing at the clock on the wall. Eight thirty pm. Yeowch.

"That's fine, Kyle," his dad said, not once glancing toward his son. "I was just wondering if you'd had anything to eat yet."

_What?_ Kyle thought, surprised. _He isn't gonna yell at me for being so late?_

"Stan called," his dad continued. Kyle felt his stomach plummet into his bowels. "and said you were coming home late… did you eat while you were over there?"

Kyle's brain slowly clicked into motion. "Uh… yeah. I'm not hungry. Night, Dad."

Kyle walked away quickly, dripping down the hall, as his dad grunted. _I guess if that's the story, my appearance would be questionable…_

Kyle reached his room and locked the door with a click behind him. He began to peel off his shirt and pants, and eventually stood in his boxers in the center of the room. He had never been mire grateful for indoor heating than at that moment.

_Stan…_ he thought sadly, glancing at a picture he had of the four of them from fourth grade on his dresser. _You're always looking out for me… even after…_

Kyle took a few steps toward his bed and dove into it headfirst, curling himself up into the covers. The feeling of the cold outside still lingered on his body.

_I'm sorry…_ Kyle thought, burying his head into his pillows.

It stopped snowing.

_What am I going to do?_


	8. Revenga

And when the truth comes out, will you still feel the same?

Will things change?

Will everything and nothing make sense again?

--

The following Monday morning, Kyle tried to go to school an hour early, so as to avoid his two biggest problems for at least the minutes before school. He reached his locker at about seven o'clock, a good hour before anyone else was bound to show up. All weekend, following the 'incidents', Kyle's emotions were a strange mix between anger, confusion, and guilt. He snapped at Ike a few times for no reason, and even his mother began to ask if he was alright come dinner on Sunday night. Stan made no effort to contact him over the weekend, which Kyle was thoroughly grateful for. Luckily, Kyle had at least five green hats with bunny ear-flaps, so he wouldn't have to go to school without his, or ask for it back from Stan just yet.

But Kyle knew deep down, he'd have to eventually face Stan. And so, he was dreading school.

_I didn't sleep very well last night_, he thought as he spun the dial on his locker. _And after not sleeping much over the weekend, it's a miracle I'm even standing. I still don't know what I'm going to say to Stan…_

_And…_ Kyle's hand hesitated before inputting the last number of his combination. _And… Cartman._

He pulled open the metal door and unzipped his backpack.

_Last night… at the basketball court… I don't know what that was. I think I was just tired… or something._

He placed his copy of Le Morte D'Arthur back in his backpack and zipped it closed._ I need to stop over thinking everything, it's doing me more harm than good._

_And Stan…_ he looked back in his locker and rested his hand on the door. _What am I going to do?_

_I… like him. Alright, I'll admit it now. And… he kissed me. He couldn't like me, obviously, so he took pity on me and gave me brief… happiness. Because he's such a good friend._

Kyle's mind wandered as he continued to stare blankly into the back of his neat locker.

_It would be best if…_ his hand clenched tightly on the metal door. _If that never happened_.

"Hey dude," a voice said from Kyle's right. Kyle jumped, broken out of his train of thought, and glanced over, to see his newly resurrected friend, Kenny.

"Kenny!" Kyle said, surprised. Kenny grinned and pushed his bangs out of his face, his fingers running through his blonde hair.

"What'd I miss? You actually seem surprised to see me," Kenny cocked his head to one side. "You know I always come back eventually, I mean, it's only been a day."

"That's not it, Ken," Kyle said, smiling and shaking his head. "I'm only surprised to see you this early. School isn't for another hour."

Kenny blinked and looked down at Kyle's right wrist, which had a watch strapped on it.

"Then your watch must be messed up, because it's definitely five minutes before the bell rings."

Kyle raised his eyebrows and looked around the hall, realizing that indeed, it was not the time he originally thought it was. The hall was filled with various kids from different grades putting things in their lockers and chatting with friends. Kyle quickly turned back to his own locker and slammed it shut, pulling his backpack's straps over his shoulders and speeding off toward the boy's restroom, where he hoped to hide until class started.

"Hey- Kyle? Wait!" Kenny yelled from behind him, but Kyle was too fast, and Kenny was in no mood to go chasing after him.

_Fucking daylight savings time_, Kyle thought to himself angrily as he turned the corner and ran into someone.

"Sorry," Kyle said hurriedly, keeping his head buried and not looking up.

"Kyle?" a familiar voice said from in front of him. Kyle froze like a rabbit that was just spotted by the fox, and slowly looked up, meeting Stan's hazel eyes.

An awkward silence spread between them as people around them bustled about, blissfully unaware of the drama unfolding near them. Stan opened his mouth like he was going to say something, and then closed it right away. Kyle avoided his gaze and instead looked over Stan's shoulder, toward the entrance of the building.

A teenage boy wearing a red jacket walked through the door, with a beautiful black-haired girl wearing a pink beret holding his hand. She looked positively ecstatic, while as the boy looked as if he could care less. He glanced around the hallway until his eyes met with Kyle's. Kyle drew in a sharp breath as the feelings from Friday night seemed to engulf him once again, as he became lost in the brown eyes staring at him from down the hall.

Kyle closed his eyes and buried his head into Stan's chest, attempting to inch them both toward the boy's restroom, only a few doors down.

"Kyle, what-" Stan began, but Kyle silenced him with a look.

"Help me," Kyle said quietly so only Stan could hear. You could almost hear the gears turning in Stan's head as he slowly nodded and backwards walked into the bathroom, hiding Kyle from Cartman's view.

--

"Thanks…" Kyle said quietly, pushing his weight against the restroom door, just in case Cartman decided to be a complete obnoxious ass and push it open. "For not asking questions," Kyle finished, looking up at Stan with a sincere look on his face.

Stan smiled and tucked some stray black hair behind his ear. They automatically fell back into his face. "That's what best friends are for," he replied knowingly, then frowned, and added seriously, "I am…still your best friend, right?"

"Of course!" Kyle said automatically, blushing slightly. The feeling of Stan's lips on his own floated into his subconscious. _Don't think about it… this is Stan. He's your friend. Deal with it._ "I mean… ah… I'm sorry."

Stan blinked, confused. "Why are you sorry?"

Kyle raised his hands quickly and let them fall back to his sides in a helpless gesture. "I just… feel like I should apologize for some reason."

"No Kyle…" Stan said sadly, slowly walking toward his best friend. "You have nothing to be sorry for. If anyone should be sorry… it should be me," Stan added quietly and looked down.

Kyle tried to look at his eyes, to see if Stan was okay, but Stan popped right back up, smiling. "Anyway, let's just… forget about it. We can talk about it another time, when you're not… as worried about whatever chased you into the bathroom."

Kyle grinned sheepishly as Stan laughed. "Okay?" he asked, facing Kyle with a smile hat would melt any girl's heart.

Kyle swallowed slightly as he forced a smile. "Okay."

He moved off the door and pulled it open, letting Stan walk through first. He followed close behind. After a quick glance through the hall, Kyle realized Cartman was nowhere in sight, so it wads safe to walk again.

He and Stan proceeded through the sea of people toward Mr. Garrison's classroom.

_I know you didn't mean it…_ Kyle thought to himself while eyeing Stan warily. Stan didn't seem to notice, and continued to stonily stare ahead as they walked. _I know you only kissed me for my benefit… it's okay._

_I just don't want to lose you…_

Kyle walked into the classroom with Stan and was greeted by the usual Kenny and Butters duo, as Cartman sort of grunted to acknowledge his presence, even though he made no attempt to look at Kyle.

Kyle sighed and thought impatiently, _if you could handle seeing Stan again, you can handle Cartman…_

_Besides, you were just tired on Friday. Why are you so apprehensive to see him?_

As he began to walk over and join his friends at their desks, he felt a cold hand close around his right arm.

"Can I talk to you?" Wendy's sharp voice said. Kyle looked over in surprise, and before he could reply, she yanked him out of the room, almost dislocating his shoulder in the process.

As soon as they were in the hall, Wendy released her tight grip of Kyle's arm and wheeled on him. "We need to talk."

Kyle rubbed his arm and lamely asked, "About what?"

She rolled her dark eyes and answered, "Obviously, something involving you."

Kyle rolled his eyes in response. He could probably think of at least a thousand things he'd rather be doing before class on a Monday morning, instead of talking to a very angry (and possibly PMSing) Wendy.

Wendy paused for a moment before speaking again, casting her dark gaze around the hall, making sure they were alone. She faced him again, a fierce look piercing through her dark bangs.

"…Stay away from Stan."

Her words seemed to echo off the walls as Kyle tried to understand what she was saying.

_To stay: to stop. To cease and desist, to hold back from._

_Away: absent, distant. _

_Stan: Kyle's best friend, secret crush, and Wendy's ex boyfriend._

"Why?" Kyle finally asked, still unable to comprehend Wendy's words.

Wendy rolled her eyes again, "You're supposed to be the smart one… I can't believe I have to explain all this to you. You haven't figured it out yet?"

Kyle had no idea what she was referring to, so he shook his head. The bell rang loudly through the hall, signifying the beginning of class. Kyle turned back toward the class door, but Wendy grabbed him again and pulled him down the hall, toward the entrance of the building.

"But- class!" Kyle managed to let out between his hurried steps, being pulled by Wendy.

Wendy glanced over her shoulder with an irritated look. "You really think Mr. Garrison will care that his two best students are going to be a little late for class?"

--

Wendy stood in front of Kyle, looking slightly embarrassed as a cold wind blew around them. Her black hair was caught in the gust, but she didn't seem to notice, she was too lost in thought. They had been standing out in the cold for about five minutes since the bell rang, and she still hadn't uttered a word.

"I…" she began finally. Kyle was really losing his patience. "Still love Stan," she said, a pink tinting her cheeks.

The world around Kyle seemed to collapse under its own weight. He bit his lip and remained silent, unable to word his shock/surprise/disgust. Wendy mistakenly took this as an invitation to continue.

"Obviously… if that is the case, I don't like Cartman," she looked Kyle in the eyes and smiled slightly.

_That makes two of you in the relationship that don't like each other,_ Kyle thought to himself smugly.

"But, I'm pretending to go out with him… in an attempt to get Stan to realize he still loves me."

Pause.

"Okay, I know it's a stretch, but before, we always gotten back together within, like, a week! And this time, it's been about a month and he's made no attempt to apologize or get back with me… and… and…"

Her eyes seemed to brim with tears, as Kyle looked at her, completely unable to believe what he was hearing.

"And I was afraid I finally lost him…" she finished finally. A single tear rolled down her face as her dark hair covered her eyes. Kyle almost felt sorry for her. Almost.

"I…" she sniffed slightly and looked up, recovering from her sudden tears. "Alright, I'm not proud of this, but…" she bit her lip and seemed to force out, "I approached Eric… and offered to pay him to pretend to be my boyfriend."

At this, Kyle found words.

"Why…" he began, "did you choose _Eric Cartman_, of all people, for _that_?!"

Wendy looked him in the eyes and slowly blinked, looking confused at his sudden outburst. "Well… it had to be someone that was close to Stan. Bebe is in love with Kenny, and as her best friend, that would be just downright mean," _Yeah, and faking you have a boyfriend to make your ex want you back isn't?_ Kyle thought to himself. "No one would believe me if it was Butters, because, well, it's Butters… and, well, sorry Kyle, but girls have pretty good gaydar… so with you it would have been obviously fake."

Kyle's mouth dropped open at her last comment, but she continued, leaving no room for debate. "I thought Cartman would do anything for the right price, anyway… but…

"But… he didn't take the money," Wendy said quietly, almost as if she herself couldn't believe what she was saying.

Kyle's brain took a moment to catch up. "You mean… Cartman?"

She nodded. Kyle tried to word his next sentence carefully, to make sure he didn't just mishear her.

"He's pretending to be your boyfriend… _for free_?" Kyle practically spat out the last words. Wendy nodded a second time, looking as if she couldn't believe it either.

"I feel like…" she started quietly, looking like she was thinking back, "He had some ulterior motives, but wasn't willing to disclose them… especially to me. Even though he figured out pretty quickly why I wanted a pretend boyfriend. He's pretty willing for the most part, when it comes to PDA and such…"

_I just realized… how much I really don't want to hear this_, Kyle thought to himself as his stomach turned.

"Anyway… that's the deal," Wendy finished, flipping her hair back behind her head and readjusting her beret. "I know this is pretty obvious, but please, don't mention it to anyone… especially Stan. And please… if you could, back off him a little at school… for my sake," she batted her eyelashes. "It's the only time I see him, and I just meant earlier, to back off a little, not completely stay away from… I never get to see him anymore."

Before Kyle could argue, Wendy was already darting back into the school.

_What the hell…_ Kyle thought to himself as he followed her path in. _Was that?_

--

The first several periods of the day Kyle could scarcely recall later. He was too lost in thought to really absorb what was going on, let alone the subject matter of his classes. Before he knew it, he was sitting at a lunch table with Stan, Kenny and Butters. They were laughing at something Kenny said, but Kyle really could care less.

_Okay, let me try to sort this out again_, he thought to himself as Stan turned toward him, nudging him to join in the laughter.

_Wendy and Cartman do not like each other. She's trying to get Stan back in some weird and twisted way, so she's pretending to like someone else, who happens to be Cartman. She offered to pay him… and he didn't take the money_. Kyle strummed his fingers on the lunch table, completely ignoring his brown bagged-lunch.

_And I'm the only one who knows any of this._

"Earth to Kyle- hello!" Kenny said loudly, waving his hand in front of Kyle's face. "The mother-ship is calling you!" Kyle blinked and angrily waved Kenny's hand away.

"Dude, stop, I'm not in the mood…" he said quietly, looking back down at the table.

Stan looked worried and leaned in, so only Kyle could hear his next words. "Is this about what we were talking about earlier?"

Kyle blinked, surprised, and met Stan's gaze. Realizing they were barely four inches from each other, Kyle looked back down as a blush crept across his face.

"No… it's not about that. I promise," he added hastily, knowing Stan wouldn't believe him anyway. Earlier, during class, Kyle weighed the outcomes of what might happen if he told Stan what Wendy said. He concluded that even if he told Stan, Stan could never think poorly of Wendy, even after all their break ups and fights, he still believed in the best in her. And Kyle knew, Stan would not believe him, and trying to tell him the truth would just end up hurting them both in the end more than Wendy.

"Oh look. It's the lovebirds," Kenny said in an annoyed tone. Looking cross, he flipped the blonde hair out of his eyes and loudly scooted to his left, making room for the two newcomers to sit down. Butters stood up and sat down on Kenny's opposite side, eager to constantly be near his newly resurrected best friend.

Kyle blinked, his eyes readjusting to the two new figures sitting down across from him and Stan.

"_It's the only time I see him, and I just meant earlier, to back off_ _a little, not completely stay away from… I never get to see him anymore."_ Wendy's words from earlier rang in Kyle's ears as he watched her sit down with Cartman, next to Kenny. He narrowed his eyes.

_Like I'm going to listen to a girl who has to pay someone to be her boyfriend._

"Hey guys," she said chirpily, her eyes darting between Kenny and Butters, and settling on Stan. "What's going on?"

She turned toward Kyle and smiled an icy smile. Anyone but Kyle would have thought it was a dazzling, welcoming, friendly smile, but Kyle knew better. Underneath that supposedly cute harmless girl was a selfish manipulative bitch, and she was testing him, to see if he would spill her secret.

"Nothing," Kyle replied, smiling just as brightly back. "The usual shit." _I'm not going to back off from Stan just for your happiness._

Kyle's sudden change of jargon didn't seem to surprise anyone, but Wendy seemed to notice his tone was slightly colder than normal, for she narrowed her eyes slightly. Cartman seemed to be looking everywhere but at his friends; Kyle directed his anger toward him.

"Where are your four lunches today, fat-boy?" he smirked.

That got Cartman's attention. He finally turned toward him and said, "Fuck you, Jew-rat! I'm not in the mood to deal with you today!"

Kyle rolled his eyes and turned back toward Stan. Stan still faced him worriedly- Kyle guessed his behavior might seem a little odd. Cursing and provoking Cartman for no reason.

_Well, I do have a reason_, Kyle justified. _He's just as bad as Wendy! Pretending to go out with her for his own stupid reasons, and not even telling the people who are supposedly his friends? What the fuck!?_

_Well, no. We're not his friends, more his tools for enjoyment. We shouldn't even put up with this bastard. I don't remember why I do…_

Kyle caught Cartman's eyes and noticed that instead of the warm brown they were last week, they seemed to be colder, more distant. Clouded almost.

_What…_ Kyle wondered. _Wait, why the fuck do I care if he looks angry? Let him be pissed. Asshole caused Stan fucking turmoil by going out with his ex… didn't he even think of that?_

Apparently the people around Kyle had been talking- Wendy was nodding her head like she was listening intently while Stan laughed next to him. Kyle watched as Wendy's hand crept up Cartman's back and stopped on the small of his neck. She started to play with the short hairs there and push her fingers into his scalp- a possessive gesture.

Kyle looked back up at Cartman, and was surprised to see next to no response from Cartman. His eyes widened slightly when she started, then he furrowed his brows. No one else would have seen this, however. Only Kyle would have noticed this. Kyle looked back at Wendy and saw her looking at him, grinning.

Something inside Kyle seemed to break then. He had always loved a good competition; otherwise he wouldn't have put up with fighting with Cartman for so long. And now, he found a new opponent.

_If you're going to pretend_, Kyle thought to himself, looking Wendy squarely in the eyes, _so will I._


	9. Stuttering

To live a life with no regrets would be a blissful one.

But, near impossible, because when you make choices,

You will always wonder 'what if I chose the other one?'

And, in most cases, regret it.

--

_I'll pretend that our conversation never happened, _Kyle finished. The corners of his lips turned upward into a smirk as Wendy continued to stroke the back of Cartman's head.

_Even if Stan and I will never be together, he's still my best friend, and I know deep down, you're not what's best for him._

_And anyway, _Kyle concluded, _I'm sick of holding back all my feelings… it was only a matter of time before I finally cracked and did something very… 'uncharacteristic' of Kyle Broflovski._

It started with a motion of the head. Kyle glanced over at Stan to his left and, completely ignoring the fact that everyone was talking, he interrupted by saying, "Ah, Stan, what were you just eating?"

Stan blinked his dark eyes and faced Kyle; the rest of the table only vaguely noticed the interruption. Butters kept talking while Wendy's eyes narrowed a bit.

"Uh… a burrito," Stan answered, looking slightly confused at the daring look in Kyle's eyes.

"Oh…" Kyle leaned forward and placed his fingers on Stan's lips. He ran his index finger across Stan's chapped lips as Stan gasped softly and released warm air onto Kyle's fingertips. Kyle held down a blush. Wendy's mouth dropped open.

_Be smooth… _Kyle reminded himself. "You still had some on your lip." He smiled convincingly as Stan's cheeks slowly turned pink.

"Oh… uh, thanks," he said, almost gruffly. His black bangs fell into his face as Kyle removed his hand and turned back toward the table, to find four sets of eyes staring back at him. Butters looked confused, Kenny looked like he could care less, Wendy looked like she could kill him, and Cartman's eyes widened, yet said nothing.

_Uh oh… maybe that was a little too forward_, Kyle thought to himself. _Stan will get over it… but…_

He locked eyes with Cartman's brown ones. They seemed to reflect Kyle's confusion right back toward him.

"Anyway," Kenny began, taking control of the table's attention again, "Tammy and I are gonna hang out Friday night, any ideas of where to take her?"

"Well, uh, the Jonas Brothers are back together for an anniversary tour," Butters added in. His large blue eyes shone in the light as he lowered his voice, "Bu-but are you sure you wanna be hanging with her, Kenny? You know about all that stuff she did with Craig…"

"Exactly, that's _why_ I want to hang out with her Butters," Kenny said nonchalantly, brushing his blonde hair out of his face with an air of impatience.

Kyle silently thanked Kenny for averting everyone's attention away from Kyle. Stan remained silent and looked down, touching his lips distractedly, completely zoned out. Kyle eventually looked up into the eyes of the person he was not-too-thrilled with, and she, also, appeared not to be too thrilled with him.

For a second, Wendy's eyes were narrow slits with dark pupils shining through, and then she snapped back into her regular perfect, poise, nice demeanor once again.

Kyle could swear he heard her breathe, '_You're on_.'

"Oh Eric, why didn't you gel your hair today?" Wendy mock pouted and moved her hand up to his head, where she proceeded to ruffle and intertwine her fingers with his hair. Cartman turned toward her with the look of someone who was being personally invaded on his face. Kyle stifled a laugh- he was the only one who knew their relationship was fake, so for Cartman to look that freaked out over his girlfriend touching him would certainly raise questions.

_And besides, the only way for Stan to realize that his ex girlfriend is a snake and a liar is for her to admit it herself. Therefore, I need to push it out of her._

Cartman continued to look slightly flustered as Kyle turned back toward Stan, "Hey, dude, later we should hang at my house and do our homework together. Have you even started our English book?"

Stan blinked through his black hair, looking thoroughly disheveled. His cheeks still held a tinge of red. "Uh…" he tucked some of his dark bangs behind his ears and grinned, "Sure, sounds great. Would your parents be okay with that?"

Kyle felt Wendy's eyes on him, her hand clenching tighter on some of Cartman's short hair.

"Yeah dude, don't worry, they practically love you," Kyle beamed, putting his arm around Stan's shoulder in what would appear to be a friendly gesture, to anyone except Kyle and Wendy.

Kyle shot a smile at Wendy and looked back at Stan, "Besides… we have loads to talk about. A lot has happened that you haven't heard abo-

"Hey, Stan? Do you remember what the math homework was?" Wendy's high-pitched voice said from across the table. Stan seemed to snap out of a trance as he glanced over at her.

"We haven't had math yet, Wendy," Kyle replied coolly before Stan could respond. _You fell for my bluff. Like I would actually tell Stan about our conversation earlier_, Kyle thought to himself as he smirked. Wendy looked like she could have mentally kicked herself.

"Oh, well, I meant for today's class. Eric here, when we were on the phone for hours last night, failed to write it down, so neither of us ended up doing it. Could I maybe… copy yours?" Wendy smiled in a way that let us see every single one of her perfect, straight, white teeth.

Butters decided it was time for him to jump into the conversation. "Well, Wendy, I did it. I usually let Eric copy mine anyway," Butters grabbed his Hello Kitty bag off the floor, unzipped it, and began to rummage around inside it to find his homework. Wendy's eyebrow slightly twitched. _Butters to the rescue, I guess._

Kyle smiled slightly and turned back toward Stan, who had been eerily quiet for the last minute. He was bright red and looking anywhere but at Kyle. Kyle was confused for a second, but quickly realized he had left his arm around Stan.

He jumped back, like he had touched a hot pan, and retracted his arm from Stan's stiff upper torso. The new color on Kyle's cheeks clashed horribly with the reds of his hair. Stan shifted in his seat uncomfortably and seemed to inch slightly away from Kyle. All Kyle's feelings from the Friday before seemed to rush through his body as he saw Stan looking so flustered and uncomfortable around him.

He wanted nothing more than to put his arm back around Stan and pull him close, but at the same time knew that Stan didn't return his feelings for him, and all the pressure he was putting on Stan to do so was just making matters worse. He put both hands in his lap and attempted to look cool again, but realized that in his stubbornness and revenge toward Wendy, he just made things all the more awkward for Stan and himself.

Kyle sighed and closed his eyes, blocking out Butters' babbling about the math assignment, _I'm pretty… stupid sometimes._

He cast a sideways glance at Stan, whose hazel eyes were glazed over and staring straight forward toward the other side of the table. Basically, toward Wendy. Kyle's stomach plummeted from pent up sadness and frustration toward his best friend's ex girlfriend.

Suddenly, he saw the facial expression change in Stan, from one of complete disconnection to the outside world, to one of shock and confusion. Kyle, too, glanced up, and to his horror, saw what appeared to be Wendy and Cartman glued to each other by their lips.

Wendy had her manicured hand cupped under Cartman's chin, tilting it downward so she could reach his lips. Her eyes were closed and her nose was pressed against his face in order to be closer to him. Cartman, on the other hand, looked like a deer caught in the headlights. He made no motion to move, and if anything, looked as surprised as the rest of the table felt from her sudden gesture.

Butters dropped the math homework he seemed to have finally pulled out of his bag, while Kenny, not looking very amused, slowly clapped. Kyle glanced back over toward Stan, and saw absolutely no emotion pass through his eyes. He was completely stoic, almost cold, in his facial expression. Kyle felt like he was going to throw up.

_Wait… why do I feel like this? I should be happy that Wendy is making it more and more obvious their relationship is a façade_, Kyle thought to himself as he held his stomach. A deep, pit-like feeling emerged from the depths of his torso. He felt like he was being sucked into a black hole that emerged from his stomach as he watched Cartman's brown eyes widen further.

After a good ten seconds, their lips parted with a deafening smack as Wendy pulled back and opened her almond-shaped eyes slowly. A smile spread across her face.

"I'm sorry, Eric, but you looked so depressed, I had to do something to cheer you up."

Cartman looked like he'd been slapped in the face instead of kissed, and looked like he was about to retort, but was interrupted by the bell. Kyle had never been more grateful for their Study Period.

"And our dear friend Cartman finally knows what it feels like to have a girl kiss him," Kenny said matter-of-factly, flipping his blonde hair back again, a mannerism he seemed to adopt when he was annoyed, and scooting out his chair from under him.

Kyle stood up abruptly and slung his backpack over his shoulder; Stan and Butters followed suit, remaining silent as the cafeteria grew louder and students gathered their bags to leave for class. Cartman couldn't even manage a 'fuck you' to Kenny, for he was still staring at Wendy like he still couldn't believe she did what she did.

"Idiot…" Kyle muttered under his breath, and was about to run out of the cafeteria, when a hand grabbed his shoulder and caused him to turn. He was met with Stan's hazel eyes, staring into his own through the black bangs.

"Can… we talk?" Stan said quietly, so only Kyle could hear. Kyle flushed from their contact and space between them, and looked down.

"Sure…" he mumbled back. Stan picked up his blue backpack and joined the large crowd dissipating from the cafeteria; Kyle followed numbly.

He couldn't get Stan's eyes out of his head. His best friend always had the most expressive eyes- Stan's emotions could always be told from one look in his eyes. Just then though, they looked pained and embarrassed, and Kyle was now definitely not looking forward to their next conversation.

_I fucked up…_ Kyle thought to himself as he glumly followed his best friend toward the library, where their next class took place. It would be quiet and isolated- perfect for an awkward conversation between long time best friends. _I shouldn't have been so forward, touching his lips like that…_ Kyle felt his cheeks heat up, _and keeping my arm around him…_

_Poor Stan. Now he knows I still like him… I can't deny it anymore, or play it off as friendship. I might as well… just come clean_, Kyle concluded as they walked through the archway into the library. Stan signed in at the front desk and made his way through the aisles to a secluded desk in the back, never once turning toward Kyle.

Kyle sloppily wrote his name on the sign in sheet and walked through the fiction aisles, toward his best friend/crush/most important person in his life, and swore he could hear funeral music.

Stan placed his bag on the desk, and turned toward Kyle, not meeting his eyes. He reached forward and tugged on Kyle's backpack- a silent way of telling Kyle to give him his bag. Kyle complied and shrugged off his bag as Stan took it and dropped it next to the desk.

They remained silent as other students in their study period entered the library and claimed various desks, none near them though. Stan had chosen the desk farthest away from the circulation desk, and the aisles blocked everyone's views of them, unless they were in the fiction section. They were also out of earshot of practically everyone in the library.

Kyle couldn't stand the deafening silence for much longer.

"So, with Cartman and Wendy, that was pretty gross, huh?" Kyle attempted to smile as his stomach did somersaults. He couldn't help mentioning it, it was the one image that kept popping into his mind, and besides, Stan had said he was over Wendy; so seeing her make out with someone else should have had no effect.

Stan made no motion to move, so Kyle continued trying to fill the conversation in, "It's ironic that she took his first kiss like eight years ago, and now they're going out. Pretty freakin weird, if you ask me anyway-

"What was with that at lunch?" Stan finally managed to look up, he was still slightly pink. "I thought we agreed… we'd forget about what happened Friday. You said… you said we were just best friends…" Stan looked completely helpless. His shoulders were slumped and he cast his eyes toward the floor, a pained expression on his face. The same one he'd been showing Kyle for the past month, since Wendy broke up with him.

Kyle swallowed and tried to find words. _It's now or never._

"Stan…" Stan looked up and met Kyle's eyes, the hall lights shining brightly in the hazel. "I… I don't want that anymore."

"I like you… and I just didn't want to admit it before, because I was afraid of losing you. We've been together so long, and I was worried… If I told you, you'd leave and I'd lose you, even as a best friend. And then… you kissed…" Kyle trailed off, his face turning as red as the hair underneath his hat. "Me. And I felt horrible, because you must've figured out my feelings, and felt bad for me… and were confused because Wendy broke up with you, and… you could never like me.

Stan looked confused, but Kyle continued on his rant, and began to flail his arms in an attempt to emphasize whatever point he was trying to make.

"I mean, of course you couldn't! You're Stan Marsh! My best friend! And you're straight, first off. You've dated Wendy, the most perfectly perfect girl in all of Colorado, and were heartbroken for weeks when she dumped you! And so many girls ask you out on a daily basis, I can't keep track! You're good-looking, genuine and nice, and you would do anything for your friends! Even if it meant kissing someone you didn't like just so they'd feel better-

Stan quickly put one hand on both of Kyle's arms, and pulled his best friend toward him. Stan lowered his head slightly and softly pecked Kyle's forehead, just below his hat. Kyle's eyes widened, then Stan pulled back and looked Kyle squarely in the eyes.

"I wouldn't," he pecked Kyle's right cheek, "kiss someone," he pecked Kyle's left cheek, "if I didn't," he pushed his face into Kyle's, their mouths barely an inch apart, "like them."

Stan pressed his mouth against Kyle's quickly, before Kyle had time to argue with Stan's last statement. Kyle was too shocked to even move away or wrench his arms out of Stan's grasp. Nor did he want to.

After time seemed to regain the ability to tick away, Stan pulled back and opened his eyes, giving Kyle a warm look. "Please believe me this time, when I say I like you, Kyle. Don't argue. Don't try to give it logic. I just do… okay?"

Kyle's heart beat rapidly in his ears. His throat was dry, so he could say nothing. Only nod.

Stan smiled the smile that Kyle loved and lowered his eyelids, leaning his face back into Kyle's and walking Kyle back toward the bookshelves. Kyle managed to smile a little before his lips met Stan's rough, chapped ones.

Stan's lips were strong against Kyle's soft ones; it was rough against smooth as Stan's arms wandered upward and around Kyle's shoulders. Kyle's dangled limply at his sides, completely lost in the fireworks of their kiss to think about where to put them.

He wanted Stan. He wanted him there. He wanted him now. And he had him. They were so close it was almost dizzying as Kyle's heartbeat rang in his ears. Stan's presence completely overpowered his own and for once, Kyle was glad he was shorter than Stan. He liked being overshadowed like this. Hell, he just liked being with Stan.

He didn't have to lie anymore about his feelings, to himself or to anybody. Kyle finally seemed to realize this as he, too, got into the moment and mouthed at Stan's lips hungrily.

_He wants this…_ Kyle thought to himself before he completely lost the ability to think. _He's not doing this for me, he wants this too. As much as I do…_

Kyle put one hand behind him, against the bookshelves, and the other behind Stan's head, pulling him deeper into the kiss, and essentially into Kyle. Stan cupped Kyle's face with his right hand almost gently, and placed his other hand on Kyle's lower back, pushing Kyle's lower torso into his. Stan's right leg was between Kyle's as he had his best friend pinned against the wall, every cell in Kyle's body seemed to radiate pleasure. Kyle gasped as Stan seemed to push even farther into him than before, their tongues invading each other's warm mouths and their bodies flat against the other's.

They were together.

The noise of the bell ringing only vaguely registered in the minds of both the boys, and they realized it was time to come up for air. The boys seemed to have both entirely forgotten where they were. They stayed in that position for a long time- Stan's hands on Kyle's face and back, Kyle's hat lying very askew, Stan's leg between Kyle's, and Kyle's hand intertwined in Stan's dark hair. They both breathed heavily as the room swayed beneath them. Kyle slid his head back slightly until his forehead was against his best friend's.

Kyle opened his eyes and was met with flushed and very happy looking Stan. Stan's mouth broke into a wide grin.

"So… does this mean we're together?" Stan asked breathlessly, his mouth barely an inch from Kyle's, still.

Kyle smiled in response and wrapped both his arms around Stan's muscular back, pulling him into a hug and resting his head on Stan's shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked over his best friend's shoulder, catching a glimpse of a boy in a red jacket and a girl with long black hair talking in the fiction aisle. The brown-haired boy looked very angry, but Kyle couldn't see the girl's face, for her back was toward him.

The boy looked up and met eyes with Kyle, even if they were almost a good ten yards apart. The browns in Cartman's eyes looked steely and cold. Kyle couldn't take looking at them for much longer and buried his face into Stan's shoulder.

"…Yes."

-

--

-

A/N: THE STORY IS NOT OVER!  
I swear, everytime I read a review after writing a chapter like that, someone goes, "that was a great story! I'm sad you had to end it like that." AGH! Haha.

Lots o' stuffs been going on lately, and my spring break is next week. I will not be near a computer, I'm basically being sent to crew boot camp, which has no internet access anyway. I'll have my phone so I can reply to reviews though! 

Anyway, grading period ends this Friday too, so this was the last time I could write a chapter and post it before Spring Break. THIS IS MY GIFT TO ALL OF YOU!  
And I apologize for the delays between chapters, but I sadly have a very busy life, involving family, sports, art and being accepted into college, and soon, graduation and prom and aghh! I just want it all to be over with…

So please, I update as soon as I finish the bloody chapter, no more reviews saying 'update sooner b/c I had to wait two wholes weeks!' 

Anyway, thanks again for all those reading and reviewing, I promise I'll reply to every single one of the reviews~!

PS: Apologies for the KyCart lovers for this chapter, Style needed some time to shine, and yeah, grab your torches and pitchforks because I will personally kill Wendy too.

Excited for the new South Park episodes on Wednesdays? I AM!

Love, OR

PSS: And if there are any really bad grammar mistakes/I didn't italicize something/ there's a random sentence that makes no sense, I'm just trying to crank this chapter out for the sake of the month long wait people had to wait for my last chapter for, so just tell me if there's any truly horrible mistake anywhere that absolutely NEEDS to be fixed. Sorry!


	10. Friend or Foe

Happiness.

Happiness is loving someone, and having them

Love you back…

At least that's what I've heard.

That's true happiness…

Isn't it?

--

"Kyle!" a handsome black-haired teenager yelled from the entrance of the movie theater, grinning from ear to ear and waving his hands in the air. He was wearing a dark green long sleeve shirt and black jeans, looking positively hot.

_And he's mine…_ Kyle grinned to himself as he bounded up to meet his 'best friend', hands outstretched. Stan opened his arms and caught his friend's tackle, hugging him tightly back.

Stan laughed, "Nice to see you too," his hazel eyes danced in the reflection of Kyle and the snow and streetlamps. Kyle could barely restrain himself from kissing him then and there, in front of the theater on the street full of people.

He settled with burying his head farther into Stan's chest and hugging him tightly, "I thought this week would never be over," he said quietly, his voice muffled by Stan's shirt.

Stan lowered his head and pecked Kyle quickly on his green bunny-eared hat. Kyle flushed and looked up.

"Me neither," Stan said, sheepishly grinning. "But… I'm glad it is."

Kyle made a noise of agreement and nodded, smiling like an idiot. Kyle was pretty sure he hadn't smiled so much in the last seventeen years as he had in the past two weeks. Ever since that day in the library, everything changed. Kyle Broflovski and Stan Marsh were now a couple- and neither of them could be happier.

They kept it pretty much on the down low for a week, though. They both decided it was best if their parents didn't know, first off, so they could still hang out a lot and not cause a stir, and their hanging out would still be considered acceptable. At school as well- they were both very aware of the lack of tolerance toward gay people their school, and their town, had, so they thought it was best to only conduct physical expressions of their feelings in private. After all, they were best friends, first and foremost, and cared more about sustaining their relationship than about satisfying their physical needs.

Not that they didn't do that on a daily basis. Every day during Study Period the week before, they had hid in the back of the library, at their very hidden away desk, and made out for at least an hour. That was before Kenny decided he needed help with his math homework, and walked over to ask for Kyle's help.

--

"_Somehow…" Kenny started, once Kyle and Stan had both stopped exploring each other's mouths turned toward him, "I can't say I'm surprised."_

"_Ke-Kenny!" Kyle squeaked, pushing Stan off of him and tripping over his backpack in an attempt to walk toward his blonde friend and falling face flat on the library carpet. Kenny smirked and twirled some of his hair around his finger. Stan was completely dumbfounded and looked helplessly between Kenny and his best friend/boyfriend, lying on the floor._

_Kenny was the first to say anything, "Alright, I get it, you don't want me to say anything, right?" Kyle and Stan glanced up at him as he continued, "Whatever. Just don't expect me to join in on your make out sessions anytime soon, I'm straight as a rod." Kenny smirked at his play on words and glanced over his shoulder, toward a bookcase._

"_And you can come out now, Butters, they won't kill you," he told the books. Kyle exchanged a confused look with Stan, then saw a sheepish looking Butters emerge from behind the bookcase, blushing._

"_Butters?!" Kyle said loudly, surprised at the blonde's appearance. Kyle pushed himself off the ground and walked toward the new arrival, "What were you doing behind there?"_

_Before Butters could answer, Kenny put his hand in front of Butters mouth and replied, "He was following me, of course, as he always does. Isn't that right Butters?" Kenny smiled over at Butters with a look he usually reserved for attractive females, and Butters flushed furiously and looked down._

"_Ye-yeah," he said quietly from behind Kenny, still not looking up. Kyle wondered why Butters looked so embarrassed, but before he could ask, Kenny had his arm around Butters and was pushing him back behind the bookcase and across the library._

"_I won't tell anyone, and neither will he. Later!" Kenny yelled behind him and was quickly out of sight._

_Kyle shook his head, frustrated, while Stan appeared slightly relieved. He swiped some remaining black hairs from the front of his eyes and smiled._

"_We can trust them, Kyle, don't look so stressed."_

--

_I do trust them… but…_ Kyle thought as he watched his best friend/boyfriend/whatever purchase popcorn at the recession stand. _I just don't know how much longer we can keep up this charade._

_And besides… that was kind of embarrassing_, Kyle flushed as Stan walked back toward him. _Having Kenny walk up like that… how long was he standing there anyway?!_

"You okay?" Kyle looked up and was met with Stan's shining hazel eyes, glistening in the dimmed fluorescent of movie theater lights.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said quickly, smiling. "I'm just glad I finally get to spend time with you… without…" having to pretend anymore, he added silently.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Stan smiled and put his hand inside the bucket of popcorn, retrieving a large handful of popcorn and quickly stuffing it in his mouth. He smiled again, his teeth full of leftover corn bits.

Kyle stifled a laugh and walked toward the man checking for tickets.

"You're hanging out with Kenny tomorrow, right?" Stan asked from behind him. Kyle stopped and twisted his feet on the red soda-stained carpet, toward his friend.

"Yeah, going to the arcade. Why?"

"Just wondering. Surprised he's not with Butters again," he remarked quietly, catching up with Kyle and throwing his hand into his pocket, searching for their tickets.

The red-head thought for a moment, "You don't think…"

Stan looked back up, "Don't think what?"

Kyle bit his lip and searched for a wording that Stan might understand, "They're like… _us_?"

Stan seemed to be processing this information slowly, until finally a light caught in his eyes, "You mean… like _now_?"

"Maybe… I mean they're always together…" Kyle said quietly, trying to picture it. Butters, maybe, but Kenny was the infamous Ken McCormick to the girls, constantly flirting with them and making them feel wonderful, only to fuck them and dump them within the same hour. Sex was his passion.

_I mean, don't get me wrong… Kenny's one of my best friends, but he's a walking STD… But…_ Kyle cast a quick glance at Stan as he handed the usher behind the red tape the tickets. _I thought Stan was the straightest boy on earth and madly in love with his ex girlfriend. So… my gaydar is pretty bad._

"You coming?" Kyle snapped back to reality as Stan stood in front of him with a lopsided grin shining through his dark hair. His heart felt like it skipped a beat.

"Yeah," Kyle smiled back, following him past the ticket table and toward the darkened hallways of the movie theater. "Is this movie any good?"

"I heard a lot of kids at school talking about it, it's supposed to be great… really true and stuff, lots of pain in third world countries…" Kyle's companion looked over his shoulder at him and held out the popcorn bucket. "The kind of movies you like."

Kyle smiled and put his hand into the large container, "Hah. The kind I find interesting, not that I necessarily like them."

"Well would you have preferred some bloody gory guy movie that we always rented when we were with Cartman and Kenny?"

Kyle stuffed the popcorn in his mouth and answered through the food, "Not really, no."

Stan smiled, "Well, be grateful."  
"I am, don't worry… I'm just happy to…" Kyle trailed off, silently adding, be with you.

Stan looked over at him, then turned back in front of him, "Yeah… me too."

They opened the door and engulfed themselves in the darkness of the theater.

--

The clouds hung low in the sky the next day as Kyle stood outside of Kenny's broken down house. Kyle noted the grays in the sky reflected the bland colors of the pavement as he tapped his foot against it, waiting for Kenny to come outside.

Even though the weather wasn't anything pleasant, Kyle couldn't help smiling to himself as he thought about his date the night before, his first official date with his first (and preferably only) boyfriend. It went as well as he could have hoped, and maybe even more considering how little they paid attention to the actual movie and were definitely more interested in each others' mouths…

"You look happy," Kenny's voice said, snapping Kyle out of his trance. Kyle refocused his eyes on his friend, who appeared more disheveled than usual, and blushed.

"Ho-How long were you standing there?"

Kenny smirked and tucked some of his blonde hair behind his ear, "Long enough to guess that last night went well."

Kyle felt his cheeks heat up and looked toward the street, furrowing his brow, "Shouldn't we just go to the arcade?"

Kenny laughed loudly and walked ahead of Kyle, toward the end of the street. Kyle followed and soon synced up his footsteps with his friend's.

"So…" Kyle began after a second, trying to break the awkward silence their last topic left. "How's Butters?"

The skin between Kenny's eyebrows pushed together slightly, but returned to the smoothness as quickly as it had left. "Fine," he said, his dark blue eyes looking stormy. "Why… do you think I'd know?"

_Why does he look mad?_ Kyle wondered. He scratched at his head, "Well… you're together a lot."

Kenny let out a sigh and flipped some of his blonde hair back. It seemed to be getting longer than he was used to- some of the hair on the back of his head brushed the tops of his shoulders. "Yeah, I know. For the past few months or so, he's always around. It's not like I ask him to," he added quickly, glancing briefly at Kyle so as to catch his reaction, "But he's always there… it's getting annoying."

Kyle was surprised at the emotion Kenny's eyes and voice were portraying, and smiled mischievously, "Maybe he likes you."

"Don't even joke about that," Kenny said darkly, keeping his eyes staring straight ahead of him. They were getting close to the arcade, Kyle noted, the roof was coming into view.

"Besides," Kenny started, glancing sideways at Kyle and cocking his head to the side. He grinned as some blonde hair fell in his face again, "Just because you and Stan ended up being gay doesn't mean everyone will."

Kyle felt his face heat up slightly, and tried to push it back down. "Yeah, I know. Just look at Cartman."

Instead of Kenny laughing, as Kyle expected, his face fell into a mixture of emotions as a silence fell between the two friends. As Kyle's footsteps sounded louder than normal, he began to worry that the silence was his fault. Like he said something he shouldn't have. The lack of noise felt suffocating.

"Cartman's an idiot," Kenny said quietly, breaking the silence. Kyle looked up from his feet, not realizing he had been staring at them, and glanced over at Kenny.

Kyle smiled grimly, "Yeah. We already knew that."

Kyle was met with a brief silence, followed by Kenny noting quietly, "…you know, we haven't seen him or Wendy at lunch much recently…" he gave Kyle a sly look. "Do you know why?" he asked almost innocently. This caused the redhead to look at the blonde.

Now, Kenny and Kyle had been friends almost as long as Stan and Kyle, which was a pretty long effing time. So, even though Kenny was a pervert, and while they were kids wore a hood so barely anyone could understand him, Kyle had the knack of being able to understand the meaning behind what Kenny was saying. And in this sentence, the tone of Kenny's voice was asking, instead of wanting to know why Wendy and Cartman weren't sitting with them anymore, if Kyle knew the truth behind Wendy and Cartman's relationship. That it was a facade.

Kyle's eyes widened as he stared at his long-time friend. "You know?"

Kenny's smile widened as his lids lowered almost evilly, like he was enjoying exposing Wendy and Cartman's evil plot. "Yeah. Cartman told me a while ago. Remember when he came to school that one day, and left? After he fucked up your hand."

Kyle's smile was wiped off his face.

He remembered that fateful day at lunch, which seemed like eons ago, when Cartman didn't show up. That night was the night Stan first admitted he liked Kyle, and Kyle began to realize the feeling was reciprocated.

"_I saw him this morning, he was lookin' real angry. He was waiting outside the entrance… Kenny, you saw him too, didn't you? You were talkin' with him about something." Butters turned his attention to the blonde boy beside him. Kenny looked irritated._

_Kenny waved away Kyle's accusing stare and smiled, "I have no idea why he left, but he just showed up to brag…"_

"You mean… when you said he was bragging… he actually showed up and told you that Wendy offered him money to be her boyfriend?" Kenny asked quietly, averting his gaze to the sidewalk. He couldn't recall when he stopped walking, but it seemed he had. Kenny tilted his head slightly as he stared at his friend.

_Why… did he tell Kenny, who probably hates Wendy the most out of all of us, and not… me?_ Kyle asked himself. _Well… he hates me. That was a dumb thing to wonder._

_But… we've been together for so long, and done so much. Even though… through most of it we were trying to kill each other, it was always him, Stan, Kenny and me…_

_He can't trust me?_

Kyle knew that if Cartman were to hear his thoughts right now, he'd probably call him a sneaky Jew rat and use that as his justification for not telling Kyle.

"Why… didn't he tell me?" Kyle wondered aloud, not really expecting an answer. "I mean… we are friends… in a weird, convoluted sort of way…"

"He doesn't consider you a friend," Kenny said quietly, an undertone of annoyance heard in his voice.

Kyle continued to stare at his feet, his hat falling in front of his eyes slightly.

_Things… really haven't changed after so many years._ He smiled sadly to himself, a complicated look on his face.

"Kyle?" Kenny asked, looking slightly bewildered at Kyle's expression.

The redhead moved his head up and looked at Kenny, smiling, "Can we go to the arcade already? It feels like it's taken forever just to walk there." Kyle continued to smile whole-heartedly. Kenny was taken aback slightly by the normalness of Kyle's voice, but said nothing of it.

"Yeah, sure," Kenny smiled back at his friend through his blonde hair and walked toward the entrance of the arcade, Kyle following closely behind, his smile falling as quickly as it appeared.

_I know he hates me… but… _his green eyes narrowed, but not in annoyance or anger. The corners of his mouth turned downward, _why does this hurt?_

--

The following Monday morning, after Kyle and Kenny spent a good six hours of their Saturday playing videogames, Kyle's mood still wasn't much improved. He had spent most of his Sunday doing homework, and since Stan's family had church and visited his grandfather in the nursing home, he didn't get to speak with him much either. Therefore, Kyle wasn't exactly in a spectacular mood.

The bell rang after third period Chemistry, signifying the beginning of lunch. Kyle vaguely noticed Cartman wasn't at school, only because Mr. Garrison didn't partner them up again. Instead, he got to work with Stan, which was a complete treat compared to his late lab partner. The other teens in the class were cleaning up their equipment and chatting, some leaving their tables messy just so they could run to lunch.

Kyle reached toward his and Stan's beakers and test tubes, ready to wash them, when suddenly a hand reached out and grabbed his wrist softly.

"I'll do it," Stan said with a smile, his eyes light behind the raven bangs.

Kyle blinked, not used to this sort of treatment from a lab partner.

"No, it's okay Stan, I've got it," he replied almost automatically.

Stan pouted slightly and, still holding onto Kyle's wrist, tugged his best friend into him. To anyone else, it would appear as if Kyle just fell into Stan on accident, but Stan and Kyle both knew it was just an excuse to hug each other in school.

Kyle's head collided softly with Stan's chest as Stan quickly tightened his grip around Kyle, almost like they were hugging.

"Are you alright?" Stan glanced down at his 'best friend', his smirk visible only to Kyle. "You're such a klutz sometimes, Kyle." He lowered his eyelids, almost seductively as he gazed down at the redhead, who blushed ferociously, both in annoyance at being caught off guard and in embarrassment at being held by Stan at school- in front of their friends.

After a very long two seconds, Kyle (almost reluctantly) pushed himself off Stan, regained his balance and grabbed a beaker. He shoved his arm out toward the other boy. "Here then, if I'm such a klutz, you do it," Kyle said sternly, but smirking all the while so Stan would know he wasn't actually angry.

Stan smiled and took the beaker from him. "Alright, you win. See you in a few." He smiled widely, showing a few of his teeth, a smile he only showed to Kyle.

In the past, he realized it looked cooler to the girls to smile only with his lips and not show his teeth at all, but he still showed his toothy grin to his friends, especially Kyle.

Kyle felt his face heat up and tried not to think about how much of a stud Stan seemed to resemble when he wasn't trying.

He slung his backpack over his shoulder in a daze as he walked slowly out of the room.

"Kyle, hey," a voice said once he reached the hall. Kyle turned and saw Kenny leaning against the lockers, his hands in his pockets, apparently waiting for him.

"Hey Kenny, what's up?" Kyle asked, smiling and walking over to his friend. The temperature of his face finally seemed to be cooling, so Kenny wouldn't be able to make any remarks about him and Stan for a few minutes, Kyle gratefully noted.

"Can we talk for a little? Just before lunch, there's something I wanna talk to you about… alone, without anyone listening…" Kenny's eyes glanced nervously toward the door of their classroom.

Kyle was confused for a moment as to who would be listening to them, but then heard a very naïve voice call from inside the room, "Kenny! I'm done cleaning up; you wanna walk to lunch together? …Huh, where'd he go?"

_Butters. Of course_, Kyle smiled to himself slightly, laughing at his friend's inability to control Butters as much as he could the girls he fucked.

"Let's go-" Kenny said quickly, pulling his hands out of his pockets and grabbing Kyle, jerking him down the hallway and away from the blonde's voice.

Once they were around the corner, and out of earshot of the classroom, Kenny heaved a heavy sigh. "How troublesome," he remarked quietly, twirling a blonde lock around his index finger. He glanced at Kyle, "Anyway, I wanted to continue our conversation from Saturday, we can walk to your locker if you want."

Kyle was slightly surprised at the conversation topic, but nodded and began to walk toward the boy's bathroom at the end of the hall, which was essentially next to his locker. Kenny caught up and walked instep with him, placing his arms behind his head and interlocking his fingers. The redhead waited for his friend to speak.

"I was wondering… if you knew why Cartman didn't take the money," Kenny said quietly so only Kyle would hear. Bebe and Craig walked by, talking loudly about some band's new single that was just released.

The gears in Kyle's brain halted completely before starting to turn again, at a slower pace than before. "Ah… no, I don't," he answered honestly, slightly nervous. "Should I? I mean… I'll admit I tried figuring it out, but I can't think of any reason why…"

Kenny's eyes widened slightly as he continued to look ahead toward the end of the hall, then went back to normal size as a smile worthy of the Cheshire Cat crept across his face.

"Well… why don't you ask him yourself?" Kenny said, quickly turning to look at Kyle. He stopped walking and released one of his hands to point ahead of him. Kyle looked slightly confused, then followed Kenny's finger to look toward the one person he didn't want to see.

Cartman.

The air felt heavy, like the calm before a storm. Kyle knew so much Cartman thought he didn't know, and because of that, it would be difficult to speak to him. Before Kyle could voice his opinion to Kenny, however, his friend dashed out of sight, leaving him alone to walk toward his locker, and essentially, toward Cartman.

--

_Kyle, you dumb fuck_, Kenny thought to himself as he smiled, dashing around the corner he and Kyle just walked from, in order to watch the scene play out in front of him yet be able to deny he was there. _He didn't take the money because he loves driving you crazy._

"Kenny?" an innocent voice said from behind him, which made his breathing quiet and stop. Kenny glanced over his shoulder and saw the naïve blonde that was Butters- the very person he wasn't in the mood to deal with.

"I need to talk to you," he said quietly, reaching a hand out to tug at Kenny's jacket. Kenny furrowed his brows.

_It's now or never_, Kyle and Butters thought in unison. And, unknowingly, they both through themselves into the middle of the storm.

--

--

AN: I apologize for the very delayed update, but a lot had been going on in my life with school, sports, getting into college, getting papers in, graduating, family…. Agh not fun.

AND to top it off, I was writing this chapter and the next chapter simultaneously, so the next one will be done much quicker because it's already almost done.

The next chapter is in Kenny's POV for the most part, which is why I ended this chapter in Kenny's POV as well, to hint at it.

Again, I'm sorry for the delay, the story really picks up from here in terms of KyCart as well, so be excited.

Thanks and sorry again, OR


	11. Mad World

1.5 Miles per Hour

Author: OnigiriReject

Summary: Every day in South Park, Colorado, has been basically the same for Kyle Broflovski. He's gone to school, hung out with his friends, and this has happened for basically his entire life. He thought he understood everything there was to know about the people around him, but as time has gone on, something happens which makes Kyle question all the relationships he thought he completely understood. The only constant in life is that everything changes.

Pairings: KyCart and Style, undertones of Bunny and Candy.

~South Park and all characters belong to Matt Stone and Trey Parker, I'm just borrowing them for a little fun. ~

Chapter 11: Mad World

"Life sucks then you die"

After dying a few million times, this truth seems

to hit me harder than anyone.

--

Monday morning, Kenny McCormick felt the sunlight hitting his face, and groaned, thinking about the fact he had to leave his comfy, tattered mattress and face another day of dealing with worthless people.

He sat up on his mattress and put his hand on his face, cursing the sun and Mondays. His room wasn't anything special, really just a room with creaky floorboards and a mattress lying on the floor in the middle. Scattered amongst his many orange parkas were Playboy magazines, used condom wrappers, and occasionally a half eaten hamburger or leftover Chinese. His family had long since abandoned their home in South Park to reside somewhere more peaceful, or as Kenny believed, to leave the son that caused them so many problems from dying at least a thousand times. His constant medical bills and funeral costs had driven them even farther into debt, that and the recession had finally pushed their monetary problems to the edge (along with the fact his father would drink away his paychecks at the local bars.)

As a result of the family problems, the McCormick household, which was already a complete piece of crap house, was now abandoned. No one even asked for taxes because it was such a garbage dump, they didn't care if people paid for it or not. Leaving the abandoned youngest son of the McCormick's free to live there with no problems.

Kenny fell back on his mattress and felt one of the springs prick his back. He winced and decided it was time to get up.

_Fucking school… I don't want to see Tammy today. Or Bebe. I don't want to deal with having to pretend I care about them,_ he thought as he shook his long blonde hair out of his face and pushed himself off the mattress. His bare chest shivered slightly in the drafty room, but considering he couldn't afford heating, he'd deal with it.

_Besides, it wouldn't be the first time I died from freezing_, he thought glumly, re-zipping his jeans' fly that Tammy had undone the night before. His frame was thin from the lack of eating lately, but he didn't care. Dying of starvation would only be unpleasant for a few days at most, and eventually, he'd come back.

He walked across the room and picked up a green t-shirt, and an orange parka lying near the door that wasn't covered in blood (from his constant accidents resulting in profuse bleeding, and essentially, death.) He pulled on the thin t-shirt and scratched at his stomach absentmindedly.

_I didn't even bother reading __The Picture of Dorian Gray__ this weekend… maybe Kyle will summarize it for me so I don't make a complete ass out of myself on the test._

He stuck his head through the orange parka, followed by his arms, then grabbed his bookbag, which was falling apart, and headed toward the front door.

_Then again, what's the point? I'll probably just die before first period anyway._

--

_The red-headed Jew… is dating the supposedly best catch in the school, and have been best friends their entire lives._ Kenny's eyes darted between Kyle and Stan while Mr. Garrison went on about something involving the importance of the yellow book in The Picture of Dorian Gray.

_But it's a secret, and I, as their only best friend aside from each other, intend to keep it that way. Even though Butters knows, I doubt he'd tell anyone. Of course… he's not the only one I suspect knows the truth about Stan and Kyle._

Kenny glanced at the boy in the red jacket in front of him and narrowed his eyes as some blonde hair fell in his face. _No only the fat ass, but Wendy probably knows too… considering the two of them haven't been sitting with us at lunch recently.  
It's two weeks, today, that Kyle and Stan finally mutually admitted their 'love' of each other. I'm happy for them. Really- if they want to be idiots who believe in a false love and sacrifice their sixteen years of friendship for it, go ahead, it's not on my conscience._

_And Cartman… oh Cartman. How absolutely oblivious you are._

Kenny recalled his and Cartman's conversation from four weeks before, when Cartman approached him before school and asked to speak to him in private. It was the day after Kyle's hand got smashed against the table and made him go to the clinic.

--

--

It was lightly snowing as Kenny and Cartman stood under the overhang in front of the entrance of their school. Cartman shifted his weight from foot to foot, snow crunching beneath them, as he stared at the ground, looking as if he was waiting for something.

_Well_, Kenny thought, _if he called me out here like this, he must have something to say… and he's acting weird, so maybe there's something wrong._

"Wendy asked me out."

Kenny wondered if he imagined Cartman saying that.

"Sorry, say that again?"

Cartman uneasily shifted between his feet again and looked up at Kenny, looking genuinely surprised, "Wendy… asked me out yesterday."

All was quiet again. He, too, seemed unable to believe the words coming out of his mouth. If psychics didn't get in the way, Kenny was sure his jaw dropped to the floor.  
"You're kidding."

The boy with the red jacket took another moment to respond, looking like a little kid who got caught doing something they knew was bad.

"… She offered me two hundred dollars a week to go out with her."

Kenny attempted to process this information, and decided that scenario was more likely than anyone actually having a romantic to Eric Cartman, asshole extraordinaire.

"Okay, that makes more sense."

Pause.

"Have you considered her offer?"

No answer.

"Dude, why would you even fucking consider that? She's the mega bitch. Why did she even ask you of all people?"

Again, no answer. The snowflakes hitting the pavement were louder than any noise Cartman was making, who even seemed to quiet his breathing. His short brown hair was getting wet from the snowfall.

Kenny sighed, getting irritated at the other boy's stubbornness, "It's probably something to do with Stan."

Cartman's head shot up at that, his eyes narrowed until barely slits of color shown through. His brow furrowed, "Don't mention that cock-sucker to me," he said in a dangerously low voice.

Kenny was slightly taken aback by this sudden mood swing, but he knew, since it was Cartman he was dealing with, it was pretty normal and he'd have to deal with it.

Cartman continued, being uninterrupted by Kenny, "He doesn't know anything! He acts like he's so smart and great and perfect and he's just stupid! He fucking… doesn't know shit."  
Kenny rolled his eyes at Cartman's pathetic reasons for being angry. While doing so, strands of blonde fell in front of his eyes. He was too annoyed to care at the moment, so he just asked exasperatedly, "What are you talking about?"

Cartman's eyebrows moved up again, returning to their normal position on his face, but his eyes stayed narrowed. They seemed to flicker slightly, like a light bulb about to die out, as he cast his gaze downward, away from Kenny's accusing one.

"He's… he's a fucking homo for Kahl, it's so obvious. Everyone can tell, except those assholes! That Jew is so dumb… he can't even tell…" he trailed off. It was obvious he was trying to mask any emotion those few words revealed, but he couldn't hide what his eyes were saying.

Kenny blinked, surprised almost at the emotion the fat-ass' eyes evoked. He quieted his voice, and asked delicately, so as not to aggravate his friend and ruin his open mood, "Why does that bother you?"

No answer again. Kenny's eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms, a look of annoyance spreading slowly across his fair features. He continued to wait for Cartman to answer his question, but after a slow minute of silence and observing Cartman's hardened features as he attempted to think, he eventually realized even Cartman didn't know the answer to that question, and gave up expecting one.

He rolled his eyes instead, and almost smiled at his so-called 'friend', "I know… it's weird for them to be dating now. Yeah it was obvious a while ago they liked each other, and even if it's awkward for me, as their friend, I'm happy for them. As long as they're happy in their naïve 'love' bubble, I'm okay, ya know?" Cartman backed against the school's brick outer wall and slid down to the ground, putting his arms over his knees and he threw his head down.

Kenny continued, "So… why can't you be for them, as their friend?"

"They're not my friends," Cartman answered automatically, still not looking at Kenny, his head buried in his arms.

Kenny sighed loudly again, it seemed to have become a habit, and sat next to the brown-haired boy, looking him over carefully before continuing his statement.

"Same goes for you, ya know. You and I basically decided years ago since Kyle and Stan were best friends, we'd be best friends, too. So… I'd be happy for you if you were in a naïve bubble as well. As long as you were happy."

Kenny paused and attempted to look Cartman in the eyes, who still had his face covered. His eyes saddened as he looked at his 'friend', "But… you're not happy, are you?"

--

--

Later that day, as the bell rang at the end of Chemistry, Kenny dashed out of the classroom as quickly as he could, so as to avoid the unnecessary, annoying person that was Leopold Stotch, more commonly known as 'Butters'. He also decided during English class earlier in the day, that Kyle was much more stupid about some things than he acted.

"Kyle, hey," Kenny said once he saw Kyle walking slowly out of the classroom, his face slightly red.

"Hey Kenny, what's up?" Kyle asked, smiling. _So naïve_.

"Can we talk for a little? Just before lunch, there's something I wanna talk to you about… alone, without anyone listening…" _Like Stan, the MegaBitch, Eric the dipshit, or worst of all…_

"Kenny! I'm done cleaning up; you wanna walk to lunch together? …Huh, where'd he go?" _That annoying, high pitched, whiny innocent person that bugs the shit out of me. Right._

"Let's go-" Kenny said quickly, pulling his hands out of his pockets and grabbing Kyle, jerking him down the hallway and away from the blonde's voice.

Once Kenny thought they were safely out of earshot of the annoying one, he let go of Kyle's arm and heaved a heavy sigh. "How troublesome," he remarked quietly, grabbing large strand of his hair and twirling it, a habit he seemed to pick up when he was irritated. _Why can't he just leave me alone?  
_He glanced at Kyle, "Anyway, I wanted to continue our conversation from Saturday, we can walk to your locker if you want."

Kyle looked briefly surprised, but nodded anyway and began to walk his locker. Kenny sped up his walking so as to catch up with Kyle, and leaned his head back into his hands.

_How to go about this delicately_, he wondered to himself. _I think… the reason is obvious… but Kyle seems to have no idea. Unlucky little shmuck._

Kenny lowered his voice, "I was wondering… if you knew why Cartman didn't take the money," He stole a glance at Bebe's cleavage as she loudly flirted with Craig next to them. Slight irritation burned through Kenny's veins. _How could she move on from me that quickly? She really is easy…_

"Ah…" Kyle's voice pulled Kenny quickly out of his thoughts and back into the conversation, "no, I don't. Should I? I mean… I'll admit I tried figuring it out, but I can't think of any reason why…"

Kenny looked up and his dark blue eyes locked briefly with the brown ones of his 'friend', who was ahead of them at his locker. _Speak of the devil_.

A large grin spread across Kenny's pale skin and his eyes narrowed into slits, giving him the brief appearance of a very happy cat.

"Well… why don't you ask him yourself?" He pointed toward Cartman quickly, and as soon as Kyle was looking away, he quickly turned around and ran back toward the other end of the hallway, away from the incoming storm.

_Kyle, you dumb fuck_, Kenny thought to himself as he smiled, dashing around the corner he and Kyle just walked from, in order to watch the scene play out in front of him yet be able to deny he was there. _He didn't take the money because he loves driving you crazy._

"Kenny?" an innocent voice said from behind him, which made his breathing quiet and stop. Kenny glanced over his shoulder and saw the naïve blonde that was Butters- the very person he wasn't in the mood to deal with.

"I need to talk to you," he said quietly, reaching a hand out to tug at Kenny's jacket. Kenny furrowed his brows and looked in the complete opposite direction of Butters, toward Cartman and Kyle, swatting Butters' hand away.

"Shut up Butters, I'm doing something."

--

_Fucking Kenny_, Kyle cursed to himself as he realized he was alone in the hall with the person he hated most in the world. Cartman didn't look up at all, or acknowledge Kyle's presence in anyway, but Kyle had the sinking feeling that he somehow knew Kyle was there.

_It's now or never…_ he thought to himself reluctantly as he took the last five steps to his locker. The halls were sufficiently empty because most of the other teens were in the cafeteria, leaving Kyle no way to escape into the crowd.

As spun the dial on his locker, he vaguely wondered how to begin the conversation he knew would come.

'_Why weren't you in school today?' No… 'Do you really hate Stan enough to try and make his life hell?' No, that's not it either…_

The brown-haired boy glanced over at Kyle as a large, malicious grin spread across his face, "So, you and Stan are finally boning?"

That jerked Kyle out of his thoughts. He felt his face heat up, and he was pretty sure with his green hat and bright red cheeks, he resembled a Christmas tree. "What?! How did you…" Our relationship was a fucking secret! Did Kenny tell him?

"Eating each others' faces off in the library really isn't a good way to keep a secret, Kahl," Cartman answered smartly as if he read Kyle's mind. " It is very classy though."

Kyle suddenly remembered seeing Cartman after Stan kissed him for the first time, two weeks before. Kyle almost felt ashamed. Cartman's grin widened at the embarrassment his words seemed to inflict on Kyle.

Kyle couldn't help but want to wipe that smug, satisfied smirk of off Cartman's face, and gritted his teeth through the embarrassment. He said in a low voice, with all the anger he could muster, "You're one to talk, what with Wendy all over you the other day at lunch" In less than a second, Cartman's smile was gone and was instead replaced with a look of annoyance, "Did she at least brush her teeth?"

"Fuck off, kike," the other boy retorted, turning back toward his locker and grabbing a paper from it.

Now was Kyle's turn to smile. He got Cartman. "Really now, _that's _classy."

Cartman crunched up the paper he retrieved from his locker and threw it back in, "Anyway, you and Stan have finally admitted you're fags, congratulations Kahl. It was pretty obvious for the longest time." Kyle's eyes narrowed as his annoyance toward Cartman returned and began pumping through his veins.

The larger teen continued in an almost sickly innocent voice, "I mean, even Wendy caught on to it. Tell me, were you fucking while they were together, or did you wait until they were broken up to make your move-

"Shut UP Cartman!" Kyle yelled loudly, stunning Cartman into silence with the harshness of his voice. He didn't even remember what he wanted to ask Cartman to begin with- now he just wanted to hurt him as much as Cartman had hurt him. "You're just jealous that I'm going out with someone that actually likes me! At least Stan isn't dating me to get the attention of one of my best friends!"

Cartman stopped moving as the color in his face seemed to pale slightly. Kyle grinned maliciously and continued, "Yeah, that's right, your little 'girlfriend' Wendy told me, so don't get all high and mighty because pretending to date someone is completely sad!

I guess I can understand it to some extent. After all, no one would ever like you, so pretending to date someone is the next best thing. Getting your rocks off while watching one of your supposed best friends writhe. You're just angry because Stan doesn't like Wendy anymore and your plan backfired!" His words echoed through the hall. Cartman still said nothing as Kyle's breathing became heavy with anger.

He calmed himself slightly, and said in a much softer tone, "The first person to ever act like they like you, and they're doing it to get the attention of one of your best friends. How pathetic." Kyle paused and frowned, "Wait, never mind. Kenny told me you don't consider us you're friends, so you really don't care how we feel or if you're hurting us anyway."

He paused and looked away. The hurt stung at Kyle's insides again, grabbing tight of his organs and pulling them downward. The inner pain caused the red head to bite his lip a little, but he continued as if his last statement did nothing to perturb him.

"You told Kenny, too… that you were going to date Wendy and she would pay you. You told him, you were planning on hurting Stan. You even felt guilty- that's why you didn't stick around that day, you felt guilty about what you were going to-

"I'd never feel guilty about anything I'd do to that cocksucker," Cartman said sharply, still not facing Kyle. In that moment, Kyle saw nothing but red.

--

Kenny remained quiet, and as a result, Butters remained quiet as well. Kenny began to lose his patience at the annoying blue eyes he felt drilling holes into the back of his head and sighed loudly, turning away from Kyle and Cartman, who's volume seemed to be increasing.

"Why do you keep fucking following me?" he asked bluntly, his eyes giving the other boy no mercy.  
Butters looked at his feet and shifted nervously under Kenny's accusing stare.

"Kenny…" he started, sounding nervous, his voice wavering, "You've died twice recently, and… it's taking you longer to come back each time…"

Kenny eyebrow twitched lightly, but ignored it and said nothing in an attempt to make Butters get to his point.

"And… I'm worried."

Kenny blinked his dark blue eyes and looked back toward Cartman and Kyle, his face unchanging. "Why? I always come back."  
"But what if one day you don't?! What if whatever keeps you coming back to life runs out one day and you never come back?!"

Kenny rolled his eyes dramatically and replied in a calm voice, "What does it matter Butters? Really, in the long run, does it essentially matter if I don't come back?"

Kenny could see from the corner of his eye that Butters stopped moving nervously and had all his features focused on Kenny.

"Nothing cares if I die, Butters," Kenny said quietly, "And essentially no person does, either. Don't be so naïve. The world would still spin. The sun would still rise and set. People would still be fighting wars and defecating and fucking. Ultimately, my death does nothing, which I've learned after dying so many times. Even my life is essentially pointless. So is yours, so is everyone's! No one would care if I die!" His last words rung out more loudly than he had meant and they bounced off the walls and ceiling, eventually hitting his ear drums and echoing in his mind again. He felt his heart sink a little at the sad reminder of the truth.

"That's not true!" Butters yelled loudly from Kenny's side. The long-haired blonde turned and was met with a very angry-looking Butters, with tears staining his already watery blue eyes. Kenny was taken aback slightly by this sight as Butters' face was tinged a light pink. "Your friends would care!"

--

"Right, because we're not your friends! Fucking Christ, Cartman, how long have we known each other?! How much have we been through, how many fucking times have we saved your pathetic life?!"

"I never asked for you to save me! Once, ever! You assholes just do it on your own, it's not my fault you guys feel so obligated to save me!"

--

"Even when things are looking down, I know we all have a purpose! You might not believe that, but I do!"

--

"We feel obligated because we're good people! Not a manipulative sociopath like you! You get off on making people feel horrible and down on themselves- you did it to me for the longest fucking time, and Butters, and anyone who gets anywhere close to you! I'm surprised you haven't tried it on Wendy yet, since you two are obviously _very_ close."

"I hate that whiny bitch! I want fucking nothing to do with her!"

--

"I would care, Kenny! I don't want you to die anymore! I get so sad and lonely when you leave! I never know if you're coming back, or if you're gone for good this time!"

--

"You didn't seem to hate her when she kissed you! You seemed really into it!" Kyle snarled, his eyes narrowed to the point of no return.

"I'm only putting up with that bitch because…" He trailed off, looking away from the boy he hated most in the world.

Kyle waits for him to continue, but he doesn't. "Because why, Cartman? Why the hell would you date her if you didn't get any money? What do you get out of it?!"

He was met with silence. The red-head practically screamed at him, "Why didn't you take the fucking money?!"

The air between them, instead of being warm from their argument and pent up anger, suddenly became very chilled as Cartman refused to look at Kyle. Kyle's breathing was loud and heavy from his yelling.

Cartman replied stoically, "I don't have to tell you anything."

--

Kenny felt like something pierced him in the chest, but recovered quickly and narrowed his eyes. "Butters, the only reason you don't want me to de is because no one else would speak to you. Cartman, the only person you've ever been able to truly call a 'friend', has been ignoring you lately, so you latch onto me. It's not like you actually care about me- it's your own selfishness."

Tears slowly rolled down Butters' cheeks as he looked at Kenny in disbelief.

"Kenny… that's not true."

"I'm just a replacement. I'm eye candy for girls, and a friend to guys. But when I die, nobody does anything. Don't pretend otherwise-"

In one swift motion, Butters knocked the wind out of Kenny as he seemed to tackle him into a tight hug. Kenny's breathing was cut off for a moment, but he recovered quickly, looking down at the smaller blonde who attached himself to Kenny's chest.

"What are you doing?!"

"Shut up…" Butters said quietly, his voice muffled by the orange parka. Kenny's jacket was quickly stained with Butters' tears as he awkwardly looked down at him, not sure of what to do.

"Get off of me," he said after a second. His voice didn't have the anger and annoyance it previously held, but Butters still held fast.

"No…" he whimpered into his shirt.

And so Kenny, who had no idea how to act in this sort of situation, let his arms hang limply at his sides and watched Butters cry in his chest.

--

_Why the hell do I bother_, Kyle thought. He lost all energy- he was suddenly very tired. Tired of dealing with Cartman's mood swings. Tired of trying to understand why Cartman did the things he did.

Tired of Cartman.

He looked down at his feet for a second, then toward his locker, which he closed softly.

_Why do I care?_

Cartman said nothing as Kyle slung his backpack over his shoulder, with barely a backward glance. Kyle narrowed his eyes, but not in anger or annoyance.

"I hate you," he said quietly. He didn't even care if Cartman heard him, he was just restating a fact. The horrid truth of their relationship, even after knowing each other for so many years.

With that, Kyle walked toward the cafeteria, away from Cartman and away from every horrible memory and negative emotion he ever felt because of the boy. He was done.

"Kyle?" a voice said from in front of him. Kyle glanced up lackadaisically, and recognized the understanding hazel eyes that peered down at him worriedly. "What's wrong?" Stan's voice sounded a million miles away.

Kyle's vision suddenly became very blurry as water filled up his eyes, and quickly fell out, rolling down his cheeks pathetically and eventually hitting the ground with very silent _plops_.

"Kyle?!" Stan's voice cracked with worry for his best friend. For the person that mattered most to him. Kyle's hands awkwardly found Stan's shirt and clawed at him in desperation, pulling the raven-haired boy toward him in an awkward tug.

"I hate him…" Kyle whispered into Stan's chest.

Stan put his hand behind Kyle's head and pulled him further into himself, unsure as to what caused Kyle to virtually break down. He buried his chin in the top of Kyle's hat and murmured softly, "It's okay, Kyle."

Kyle didn't know why he was crying. He didn't know how things had hit the point where his only option seemed to be to cry into his best friend's chest like a little girl. All he knew was that he hated Eric Cartman with every ounce of his being.


	12. Transatlanticism

1.5 Miles per Hour

Author: OnigiriReject

Summary: Every day in South Park, Colorado, has been basically the same for Kyle Broflovski. He's gone to school, hung out with his friends, and this has happened for basically his entire life. He thought he understood everything there was to know about the people around him, but as time has gone on, something happens which makes Kyle question all the relationships he thought he completely understood. The only constant in life is that everything changes.

Pairings: KyCart and Style, undertones of Bunny and Candy.

~South Park and all characters belong to Matt Stone and Trey Parker, I'm just borrowing them for a little fun. ~

Warning: This chapter has very large Style moments, especially toward the end, so I apologize to my KyCart readers. Skimming it if you can't stomach it would be your best option, for there are some very important plot elements in this chapter and skipping it might ruin the next one.

Much love, OnigiriReject

Chapter 12: Transatlanticism

Tell me something:

Will I regret giving my heart to you?

--

Kyle was really starting to hate the person he was becoming.

He should've been happy- he was with the boy whom he'd loved for God knows how long, and recently discovered the feeling was reciprocated.

He was Caucasian and Jewish, so the prejudices against him were slim to none in the community he lived in. Came from a pretty well off family because his dad was a lawyer. His mom, although strict, always had his wellbeing in mind. Even his adopted eleven-year-old brother Ike, besides being crude just for fun sometimes, loved his older brother more than anything.

Kyle was smart, too. He wasn't ugly… just slightly shorter than his friends. 5' 7" wasn't that short in any regard, anyway.

It was just one stupid boy making him unhappy. One measly, tiny idiotic moron he'd known forever. Of course, he wouldn't ever admit that it was the boy he'd hated his entire life that was depressing him.

He wouldn't ever admit that their fight had been on his mind almost constantly for the last two weeks. Even when he was with Stan, his mind was still very heavy with the words of hate the two boys hurled at each other so blatantly the Monday before.

Kyle wouldn't tell anyone, though. He would _never_ tell anyone.

He should've been happy. He had every reason to be happy. He was surrounded by people who loved him, so sitting around acting like a whiny bitch wasn't justifiable.

So what if that one boy obviously hated him and didn't care in the least bit about him. Why should it matter? He'd always hated him- why start acting like he cared now?

_There are people starving in Africa_, he told himself Friday during English, _stop being depressed. You have a good life. Stop with the moping._

"Kyle Brofovski, this is my English class!" Mr. Garrison yelled loudly from the front of the room. Every head turned toward the red-head as his head shot up from the desk he was rolling it around on in frustration.

"I'm fully aware of that Mr. Garrison," Kyle said in a dull tone, not really wanting to deal with a temper tantrum from his annoying teacher.

"Well then, would you mind telling me why Sybil Vane killed herself?" he responded sharply, agitated at Kyle's obvious boredom. He waved his copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray around in the air, gesturing for Kyle to explain.

Kyle sighed, closing his eyes slowly and reopening them, eventually replying, "Because Dorian told her he never loved her. The next day, though, when he realized his wrongdoings in saying that, it was too late, for she threw herself off her balcony in agony. He couldn't save her."

"_I never asked for you to save me! Once, ever! You assholes just do it on your own, it's not my fault you guys feel so obligated to save me!"_ an annoying voice rang through Kyle's head. He frowned.

Mr. Garrison blinked, surprised at Kyle's completely correct answer. "Th-that's right," he attempted to recover, "And when this happens, what does Lord Henry give Dorian? Anyone? Wendy?" he motioned toward the black-haired beauty.

Kyle's eyebrow twitched as he glanced two seats to his right, toward Stan's ex girlfriend. She smiled her smile full of perfect straight white teeth and flipped some of her long hair off her shoulder. She replied brightly, "The yellow book. That is also essentially the turning point in Dorian's character for the rest of the novel."

Mr. Garrison smiled. "Very good, Wendy," _Suck up_, Kyle thought in annoyance, "Now the rest of you, here's a debate topic. Was Basil in love with Dorian Grey? Anyone?"

The class remained quiet, if not from the fact most of them hadn't read the book, from instead the surprise. The sheer gusto it took to ask a question blatantly about homosexuality in South Park was unbelievable. Then again, it was Mr. Garrison, so no one really should've been surprised.

"Anyone?" he repeated, looking the room expectantly. His mouth slowly turned into a frown, "I'll exempt you from the test on this book if you participate in this discussion."

All of a sudden, the class broke out in a ruckus, all clamoring to raise their hands and be called on by Mr. Garrison. Kyle could've cared less. He read the book, he'd do well on the test- he would ace the class either way. He had no real reason to participate in the discussion, so folded his arms on his desk and put his head down, deciding just to listen to people pointlessly argue about a story that finished over one hundred years before.

_Why didn't that fucking idiot just tell me?! He asked himself for what seemed like the billionth time, I had him caught! I knew what he was doing and confronted him! What's the big deal…_

_He's just a stubborn asshole who likes driving me crazy. That's probably it._

"They're just friends," Token started once Mr. Garrison called on him, "They're best friends, that's why he was so mad at Lord Henry when he came in and changed Dorian into someone that wasn't really his friend anymore."

The class again burst with loud sounds of retort and some of agreement. Bebe was called on next, "Well… didn't Basil call him beautiful over and over, and say, 'as long as I live, the personality of Dorian Gray will dominate me,'?"

"Not everything in the world is meant to sound sexual, Bebe," Wendy said with a biting tone toward her best friend.

"Please raise your hand, Wendy," Mr. Garrison shot in quickly.

Bebe narrowed her blue eyes at Wendy's comment and glanced in Kenny's direction hopefully. Kenny caught her look and sighed in an annoyed way, flipping strands of blonde out of his eyes.  
"Well…" he began, silently thanking Kyle for briefing him on the plot in lunch the day before, "The way that Basil and Lord Henry fought over him… suggest a rivalry of some sort. I mean, why else would Basil go to the extent he did for Dorian if he didn't want sex?"

"Just because someone wants someone else to be happy, doesn't mean they want sex from them!" Butters piped up, sounding nervous. Kenny glanced over at him, his eyes widening slightly, but still he still managed to maintain his bored look. Butters lowered his eyes and continued in a softer voice, "Well… not everything is about sex. Or relationships. Couldn't Basil have just wanted Dorian to be happy without wanting anything in return?"

The hair tucked behind Kenny's ear fell in front of his eyes again as he stared at Butters, unsure of what to make of him. He stared harder at the smaller blonde, attempting to somehow delve into his thoughts, his mind- anything to help Kenny understand where this boy was coming from and why he did the things he did.

"Tim-may!"

"Butters is right- but that still doesn't mean Basil didn't 'love' him," Red threw into the argument.

"Wasn't Oscar Wilde a fag anyway?" Craig stated bluntly. Mr. Garrison began to loudly scold him for his language.

"Kyle?" a soft voice from his left said. The redhead automatically perked up from hearing the sound of his best friend's voice, and peaked over his arms into the warm hazel eyes he knew so well. He looked concerned.

"I'm fine, dude…" he said, burying his head back into his arms. Like he wanted to explain to Stan why he was so angry at himself. The whole thing would just come across as whiny and would eventually just make Kyle even madder.

_God damnit… I'm really beginning to dislike myself._

Stan put his hand on Kyle's left leg and rubbed it up and down, in a silent way of saying, 'I'm here for you.' Kyle grimaced into his arms at the friendly gesture and looked up at the black-haired teen again.

"Stan…" he started. He couldn't think of what to say. After all the shit that went down the week before, when he cried into Stan's shirt and didn't tell him why… he felt bad for Stan. He felt like all he did was cause Stan problems.

Stan picked up on the apparent sadness in Kyle's eyes, "Dude, don't worry. You don't have to tell me what happened. I'm your… boyfriend… I just have to be here for you, even if I don't understand what's wrong all the time."

Kyle felt his eyes widen in surprise at Stan's use of the word 'boyfriend.' Stan looked embarrassed, for he glanced away as a slight pink tinged his cheeks, like he was still getting used to the idea. Kyle, too, felt his face grow very warm at the idea.

_Boyfriend…_ the word rung in his head. _Boyfriend…  
_"They're definitely just friends," the-most-annoying-person-in-the-world-that-Kyle-really-didn't-wanna-hear started loudly, sneering, "I mean, just look at Stan and Kyle, they've been best friends forever and say shit like that all the time. Right guys?" he smiled innocently at Kyle as the whole classroom quieted. Kyle could feel every pair of eyes on himself, Stan, and Stan's hand on his thigh. Cartman's eyes shot daggers as his smile gleamed maliciously.

Kyle's face reddened in a combination of embarrassment and anger. Stan, for once, recovered more quickly than he did, and replied, "Of course we're just friends, you asshole," he smirked at Cartman, his face still red from the embarrassment, but it was less noticeable.

He slid his hand up Kyle's leg and smiled widely. Kyle almost gasped when Stan's fingertips grazed somewhere very personal between his legs. Stan added in a mock tone toward Cartman, "Why, _jealous_?"

The whole class (including Mr. Garrison) burst into laughter, except for Stan's ex girlfriend, who looked completely pissed at the fact Stan had his hand on Kyle' upper leg, and Cartman, whose face slowly turned red and looked more angry than he had in a while.

"Why the _fuck_ would I be jealous of you dating a faggy kike?" he seemed to spit out, stumbling over his words a little. Kyle was still too preoccupied with the fact Stan was dangerously close to his 'area' to pay much attention to anything else though, so he picked up his friend's hand and slowly moved it off his leg.

Stan frowned as the laughter surrounding them died down, facing the redhead with an almost disappointed look on his face. No one bothered to answer Cartman's question, and the brown-haired boy still looked very disheveled from Stan's response. Mr. Garrison started to read off the homework when the bell rang, causing all the students to stand up quickly and race out of the room, Kyle and Stan among them.

_My life…_ Kyle concluded, _is so fucked up_. Stan ran ahead of him, and as Kyle entered the hallway, he saw Stan was running toward the fire exit doors for the building.

--

"Stan?" Kyle walked outside the school, looking for his best friend halfway through lunch. He knew Stan wasn't the type of person to just skip school, and he was kind oh worried his reaction to Stan's hand might've upset him to that point.

"…He just doesn't seem to get it," he heard his best friend say from around the corner, near the garbage bin behind the school. "I… really do like him… but lately he's been so depressed, I don't know how to act." Kyle slowly walked toward the sound, then stopped and hid against the wall, realizing that Stan was talking about _him_.

_Who is he talking to?_ Kyle wondered vaguely. That day it was particularly cold outside, but not snowing. The ground was slightly icy from the dew in the morning freezing over. The redhead could smell the faint aroma of cigarette smoke as he craned his ear to listen to the conversation.

"Well, you told him you like him, right, Raven?" a bored voice replied. Kyle recognized that voice- it was one of the Goth kids Stan hung out with when he was younger. The one with the red stripes in his hair who kept flipping it. Kyle groaned faintly, remembering Stan in his Goth days, moping over Wendy and joining the black-crazed kids when he felt he couldn't get over her. He had no idea Stan still talked with them.

"Yeah, over and over and over… I just… don't know what to do."

Kyle narrowed his eyes and stared at his feet. _Damnit_, he thought, _I'm… so oblivious sometimes._

"Well, you said he's been depressed lately," a monotone female voice said. Kyle guessed it was the only female in their group, the overweight one who smoked- Henrietta, "Have you tried cheering him up?"

"Well…" Stan said, "I was going to invite him to sleep over tomorrow night…"

Kyle felt his face grow very hot as his heartbeat sped up. _Sleep- sleep over? As in all night??_

"You know what would be best, you are his best friend, anyway," Henrietta answered, taking a long drag of her cigarette.

"Not only that but…" Stan paused, Kyle held his breath to listen, "He… doesn't seem to like… physical stuff…"

Kyle mentally smacked himself in the head.

"Like, I always try to touch him and such… but he pushes me away…"

_That's because we're in school and it's inappropriate! It's not like I mind it, but…_

"Fuck him," the other boy said bluntly.

The hidden redhead had to cover his mouth with his hand to keep himself from yelling.

"I- I can't do that!" Stan stuttered, sounding thoroughly taken aback by what the Goth said. "I couldn't even do that with Wendy! How- how could I with Kyle?!"

"You want to though, right?" the other black-clad teen said. He was the older one with the cane, "That's why you keep coming back here to talk to us. You think we'll have some wisdom to tell you how to get him in bed."

"That's not true! I care about Kyle, I don't want him to be depressed anymore!" he paused and lowered his voice, "And, it might be true that I have thought about that, anyone would be lying if they said they didn't think about doing it with the one they love, but… but Kyle's safety and happiness… are what I care about most!"

Kyle couldn't see straight after these words left Stan's mouth. He steadied himself on the brick wall behind him and slowly slumped to the ground, hugging his knees.

'_Doing it… with the one they love'… he… loves me? _Kyle asked himself, hugging his legs tighter. He felt a small electric feeling form in his heart, then spread out through his veins to every limb on his body, pulsing and jolting through every pore in his skin. His heart also felt heavy, and his head spun. It was a mixture of feelings.

_He loves me._

Kyle didn't know how to feel about this. He felt happy, and at the same time, a little sad. He felt like he could jump for joy and yet break down crying. Because he knew that this was the end of their friendship, and the beginning of something new and different, and he was almost scared by it.

Either way, when Stan asked him that afternoon in study hall, after they made out for a good ten minutes in the back of the library, if Kyle would like to sleep over Friday night, Kyle could do nothing but nod his head up and down as tears rolled down his cheeks, and smile.

--

"Kenny… what're we doing out here?" Butters asked the other blonde as they walked toward the road just outside of the school. Kenny had enticed him to skip the last period of the day, because he promised he had something to show Butters.

Kenny stopped just before the asphalt of the road began. He whipped around, his blonde hair following his movement and perfectly framing his face. His steely blue eyes gazed down at Butters, with a look resembling anger. Butters gulped and pushed his fingers together in a nervous gesture.

"You… are an idiot," Kenny started, staring down at the smaller blonde. Butters looked up and met his gaze. It didn't appear as angry as he first thought- he looked confused. "What… could someone possibly gain from being nice to me, without expecting something?"

Butters felt his heart beat speed up as he shifted between his feet. He was always nervous these days, especially around Kenny. "I don't expect anything…"

Kenny looked at him, waiting for him to elaborate. Butters met Kenny's eyes again briefly, and looked back down at the ground, a rosy color spreading across his fair features. After another minute of silence, Kenny sighed and turned his back to Butters. He stuck his hands in his orange parka's pockets and shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

"Well then, if you're not going to tell me…" he took a step onto the black asphalt of the road and glanced over his shoulder to look at Butters again, "Then I'll be leaving again for a while."

Butters blinked his large, baby blue eyes and took a cautious half step toward Kenny, while staying on the sidewalk outside of the school. He cautiously looked over the taller boy, "What…do you mean 'leaving'?"

The teens could hear a truck whirring down the road toward them. Kenny glanced in the direction the sound was coming from and turned back toward Butters, smiling.

Butters finally understood what Kenny meant. "No, Kenny…"

"Yes, Butters. I'll be back, don't worry-

"What if this is the last time though?! Last time it took you two weeks! That's not normal for you, Kenny!! Something isn't working as well as it did- you could die forever!"

Kenny smiled in an almost sad way and lifted his shoulders in a detached shrug. "Fine. I'll come back to the sidewalk… if you just tell me what you want from me."

Butters blinked back tears in his large blue eyes and gaped at Kenny. "What?"

"No one is that selfless to only want me alive for my sake. I know the way people work Butters, and you're no better. Tell me the truth. What do you want from me?"

The steady noise of the eighteen wheels rolling down the icy road grew louder. Butters stumbled around in his mind for an answer that made sense to him. For the truth Kenny was seeking from him.

"I don't want you to die," he said quietly.

"Louder," Kenny said from the middle of the road. The truck was getting dangerously close.

Butters shut his eyes and said slightly louder, "I don't want you to die-

"Too selfless. What do you want?" Kenny smirked at Butters. The truck was only a hundred feet away now.

"That is-

The truck was barely fifty feet away. "What is your heart telling you, Butters? Tell me what you want from me! Stop jerking me around and tell me!"

"I DON'T WANT YOU AWAY FROM ME ANYMORE!!" his scream ripped through the sound of the oncoming truck as tears fell from his eyes in anger.

For a split second, time seemed to freeze as Kenny's blue eyes widened through his blonde bangs, and he gaped at Butters' answer. His eyes locked with Butters' wet ones and he knew then, that this boy was telling him the absolute truth.

Then, as time sped up again, the large metal truck collided with his whole body and spun him backward, hitting the ground with a large thud as the truck swerved to its left, off the road. Butters stood stock still, until he saw the blood trickling down Kenny's ghostly white body. It was lying at an angle not normal for humans, and blood began to pool on the road surrounding Kenny's head. Then he ran toward the larger teen, kneeled down on the ground next to him, and loudly wailed and sobbed.

--

"We're home," Stan called out into his living room as he and Kyle entered the next night, covered in snow from the blizzard forming outside. The heat from the house was almost overwhelming as Kyle shivered, not used to the warm temperature. No one responded from the inside of Stan's house as he walked in and threw off his brown jacket, revealing a dark blue sleeveless shirt underneath. He ruffled his dark hair, letting loose the snowflakes, and turned back toward the front door, pushing it closed behind Kyle and locking the door.

Kyle began to remove his orange jacket as well, when his best friend looked up and noticed. "Here, let me get that for you," he said quickly, stepping into Kyle and helping him unzip the front. Kyle blushed.

"Stan, I can take off my own jacket," he said almost stubbornly. He was vaguely reminded of how his mom tried to dress him in the morning sometimes and pull at his clothes.

The dark haired boy twisted the redhead so he was behind Kyle's back and put his arms around the redhead, almost in a loose hug, as he slowly unzipped the jacket. The heat from the Marsh's home combined with the body heat he was sharing with Stan, and slowly, Kyle felt himself turn red as he watched Stan's hand trailing his chest and pulling the zipper down.

Stan's hot breath was on Kyle's neck. Kyle closed his eyes, and tried to slow his heart rate. Stan's words from earlier still rung in his head, _'boyfriend,' 'one they love'…_

The bottom of Kyle's jacket finally disconnected with its other half and fell loosely, revealing Kyle's grey t-shirt underneath. Stan rested his chin on Kyle left shoulder and sighed, leaving his hands in front of Kyle's lower chest and eventually interlocking them and letting them rest against his best friend's stomach.

Kyle was surprised more than anything at Stan's caring gestures and glanced sideways, attempting to look in his friend's eyes. He met the hazel eyes he longed for and couldn't think of anything to say. Quietly, he asked, "…where are your parents?" _smooth, Kyle. Really._

Stan moved his head off of his friend's shoulder and glanced into the kitchen. "There's a note on the fridge. Probably went out drinking with friends again…" his arms remained locked around Kyle's middle.

Kyle remembered Stan's words from earlier. _'And, it might be true that I have thought about that, anyone would be lying if they said they didn't think about doing it with the one they love, but… but Kyle's safety and happiness… are what I care about most!'_

The redhead felt himself blush again and attempted to hide his face from Stan. He slowly moved up one of his arms and held Stan's hands in one of his own.

Stan put his head back down on Kyle's shoulder and closed his eyes. His long black hair fell against Kyle's cheek. "…I'm glad you could come," he whispered breathlessly.

Kyle felt that electricity forming in his heart again, and tightened his grip on Stan's hands. "Me too."

There was a pause as Stan deeply inhaled the scent that was Kyle. He nuzzled his nose into a crook on Kyle's neck. Kyle shuddered and kept his eyes closed.

"What do you want to do now?" Kyle asked, standing completely still. Afraid movement would ruin the moment.

Stan shifted his position slightly, brought his lips to Kyle's neck and lightly kissed the area just above the collarbone. The other teen shuddered as Stan's cold nose touched an area usually not exposed in his orange jacket.

Stan brought his head back for a moment and answered quietly, "I'm tired…" He released his hug around Kyle and backed away, walking around Kyle toward the stairs. He paused and undid his shoelaces, then pulled his tennis shoes off with ease. "You can play on my Xbox or something, and the couch is open to sleeping on… sorry dude, I really am exhausted." Stan bit his lip. He seemed to be holding back something. Kyle watched him and suddenly felt very cold and alone when Stan walked up the stairs toward his room, and his presence was gone.

Slowly, Kyle shrugged off his jacket and let it fall to the floor, then he, too, removed his shoes and quietly, followed Stan up the stairs.

As soon as he reached the top of the stairs, he glanced to the left over the banister, toward Stan's room. The door was ajar and he could make out a dark figure lying on the bed, face down. He didn't even bother to turn the light on in his room.

Kyle sighed as he walked into the room and immersed himself in the darkness. "…Stan?"

"Mmf?" Stan said into his comforter. He turned his head to the right, and as soon as he saw Kyle, his features softened into a smile. "I wasn't expecting you to keep me company."

Kyle shifted between his feet and glanced nervously at the bed. Stan, noticing this, flipped over onto his back and scooted over to make room for his friend. He patted the space on the bed next to him and closed his eyes, looking complacent.

In his head, Kyle momentarily weighed his options. He knew Stan loved him, and he knew that lying down on the bed next to him was basically harmless (they'd done it before when Stan was still dating Wendy,) and it meant really nothing, but after Stan's words earlier, Kyle couldn't help but think about how platonic their relationship had become. And, truthfully, Kyle was scared.

He took a deep breath and put a hand on the bed as he steadied himself and swung both legs onto it. He curled up next to his best friend and inhaled deeply, breathing in the smell of fresh laundry that was Stan's bed and the smell of faint, dull cologne that Stan wore. He loved that smell.

The redhead pushed his head into Stan's side and gazed up into his hazel eyes innocently. Stan lowered his eyelids and glanced down at him, a small smile still noticeable on his face. All of a sudden, he grabbed Kyle's head with his hands and moved it upward as he shifted his body so his chest was underneath Kyle. He placed Kyle's head down upon his stomach and let his hands fall back on the bed, his left falling on Kyle's chest.

The smaller teen felt slightly embarrassed, but soon his body was too full of that electrical feeling for him to care much either way. He closed his eyes and realized he could hear Stan's heartbeat through the larger teen's body. He smiled slightly, but stopped when he felt something pulling on his hat.

Stan began to remove the redhead's hat as he lied on his stomach. Kyle automatically reached up and held down the hat by its flaps, protectively over his hair. "What're you doing?" he asked quietly, slightly perturbed.

"Taking off your hat," Stan said quietly, his chest vibrating with the sound of his voice. His fingers brushed against Kyle's as he tried to take hold of the hat again.

Kyle made a noise of confusion, "Why?"

Stan paused, pushed Kyle off his torso and placed his head on his legs. Kyle tried to peer over at Stan in the darkness, but was soon met with Stan bending over him, with his hazel eyes three inches away from Kyle's green ones.

"Because when I kiss you in school, you always have it on… and it gets in the way sometimes…" he said breathlessly, putting his hands on either side of Kyle's face. His eyes shined in the darkness. "Please…" he said pleadingly, "let me take it off."

…_I love him_, Kyle thought to himself in the darkness, as he closed his eyes and removed his hands from the green hat.

Stan smiled triumphantly and reached a hand down to place on top of Kyle's head. He traced one of the curls down onto Kyle's cheek and tugged on it playfully. Kyle found these movements very relaxing and closed his eyes again.

He felt slightly guilty about listening in on Stan's conversation with the Goth kids the day before, and debated telling him. Stan slowly moved one of his hands up to Kyle's head and scratched at it. Kyle vaguely wondered if this is what Stan did to Wendy, but pushed that thought out as soon as it entered his head.

Kyle sighed and opened his green eyes again, looking at the dark blue ceiling, "I heard you earlier."

Stan ceased his massaging of Kyle's scalp and asked shortly, "Heard me what?"  
"When you were talking to the Goth kids…"

The black-haired teen leaned his head up slightly and gazed down his torso at Kyle. His eyes widened in surprise as a blush crept across his features. "You… you heard…"

Kyle sighed loudly and looked back into Stan's eyes. Stan sat up and looked down at his best friend, now lying in his lap. "I heard… you say you loved me."

For a few seconds, Stan resembled a very stupid guppy, for his eyes were widened to the size of cup saucers and his mouth was opening and closing, as he tried to think of what to say. His black hair hung in Kyle's face as he finally closed his eyes and his face turned a bright red. Kyle, too, felt embarrassed for saying what he did and seeing his friend's response.

"Well… what you really said was, 'anyone would be lying if they said they didn't think about doing it with the one they love.'" Kyle cast his gaze away from Stan. _Could I have been mistaken to think it was about me?_

"I-I'm sorry… I shouldn't have brought it up…" Kyle made an attempt to move his head off of Stan's chest and get off the bed, but the dark-haired teen grabbed his friend's hand and forced him back down.

"I…" Kyle glanced back into Stan's eyes, and even through the darkness, he could make out the sincerity and honesty they seemed to project to Kyle. Stan bit his lip as his face turned even redder.

"I do love you, Kyle," he finally choked out in a very quiet voice. Kyle's eyes widened in surprise as he felt his heart begin to race.

"Really?" he asked quietly, staring fully into the hazel eyes of his best friend.

Stan smiled earnestly, "Re-really." All his features seemed to emanate happiness.

Kyle blinked as a smile spread across his face as well, and he reached up and cupped his best friend's face and soon their lips met again. No matter how many times they'd kissed in the last month, each one still gave Kyle the feeling of fireworks.

Their kiss didn't break. They were both mouthing at each other and smiling and rolling around on Stan's bed like they didn't have a care in the world.

Soon enough, though, Stan rolled Kyle onto his back and looked at his best friend with a look Kyle had never seen before. He looked determined- like he needed something. Like he wanted something. He stared at Kyle long and hard as Kyle felt himself melt under Stan's direct gaze.

The dark-haired teen leaned his face into Kyle's again, barely brushing his lips with his own, and whispered, "I'll always love you."

In that moment, the combination of his intense feelings for his best friend and the reciprocation of those feelings caused Kyle's heart to overflow, and when he felt Stan's hands reaching down to his pant's fly and unzipping it, he wouldn't have even tried to protest.

Everything was right in their worlds in the few brief moments they were connected physically and emotionally. And when he finally felt Stan inside him after so long of wanting it, he felt like his heart was exploding.


	13. Hallelujah

1.5 Miles per Hour

Author: OnigiriReject

Summary: Every day in South Park, Colorado, has been basically the same for Kyle Broflovski. He's gone to school, hung out with his friends, and this has happened for basically his entire life. He thought he understood everything there was to know about the people around him, but as time has gone on, something happens which makes Kyle question all the relationships he thought he completely understood. The only constant in life is that everything changes.

Pairings: KyCart and Style, undertones of Bunny and Candy.

~South Park and all characters belong to Matt Stone and Trey Parker, I'm just borrowing them for a little fun. ~

Chapter 13: Hallelujah

Things were always much simpler in elementary school,

when our sentences only had a few words.

This is Kyle.

Kyle runs.

Kyle runs fast.

Kyle runs away.

Kyle makes mistakes.

--

The sun shined brightly the next morning as Kyle debated opening his eyes. It was too terribly comfortable and warm to even make him consider leaving the bed yet.

_I think it's a Saturday…_ he rolled over and buried his face into a pillow. Something in the bed next to him shifted its position, and soon an arm was draped over Kyle's torso.

The redhead's eyes shot wide open at this, and were met with the unclothed chest of his best friend. He glanced upward and saw that Stan's eyes were open.

"Good morning," the dark-haired boy said, his hazel eyes sparkling in the light. Kyle felt his insides melt from the direct gaze and his cheeks flush- he vaguely remembered how exactly they ended up in Stan's bed. He closed his eyes again and buried his head into Stan's chest.

"Good morning…" he said quietly, his voice muffled. Stan laughed, his chest vibrating with his voice. Kyle knew he was bright red.

_Right. Last night._

Kyle heard some polyphonic ring coming from the desk next to the bed as Stan turned onto his back and reached for his phone. Kyle's head slipped off his boyfriend's chest and softly hit the mattress. Even the sheet Stan had draped over their bodies last night was tangled between the two of them.

Stan clicked a button on his phone. "Yeah?"

There was the faint mumbling of a male's voice on the other end.

"Yeah, tonight. Eight-ish… Well, I think Craig's bringing a keg, but if you feel like bringing stuff, fine. I got a stereo system already… Yeah, sounds good. Later."

His best friend clicked his phone again and turned toward Kyle. He placed his right hand on the side of Kyle's face and softly touched one of the red tresses falling in Kyle's face.

Kyle opened his eyes again, and looked back into Stan's eyes. "Who was that?"

A sheepish grin spread across Stan's face. "Can't get anything by you, can I?"

Kyle grinned back and he could feel butterflies forming in his chest.

"It was Token…" Stan started, looking like he was thinking about what to say. "Since my parents are gonna be out of town for a while again… I'm having a party tonight." Pause. "For you."

Kyle's green eyes widened as he stared back into the deep hazel of Stan's. "Why? I haven't done anything special."

Stan laughed and Kyle realized how absolutely naïve he sounded as he said that.

"Well… you have seemed kinda depressed lately. And I wanted to cheer you up. You know, get everyone together that cares about you from our school and just… have fun." He grinned again, looking slightly embarrassed, "Not much of a party I guess."

Kyle quickly cupped Stan's face with both his hands and brought their lips together. They broke apart after a few seconds, both smiling again. "Thank you…" he started, "But you really didn't have to do that."

"But I wanted to," Stan replied softly, his face still held in Kyle's hands.

At that moment, Kyle felt very exposed to the boy he'd known for over a decade, realizing that they both were completely naked. A blush quickly appeared on his cheeks as he attempted to hide back under he covers again, but Stan wrapped his arms around the redhead's waist and pulled their bodies into each other.

Kyle couldn't have felt more happy and complete if he wanted to. It was impossible.

He looked back at Stan's face again, and smiled. He quickly whispered, "Thanks then," before Stan could press his mouth against Kyle's again and shut him up.

--

At about noon that day, Kyle returned home to drop off his backpack, shower, and put on some fresh clothes before returning to Stan's house again that night for the party. He'd offered to help set up, but Stan heard nothing of it and basically banished Kyle to stay home until eight o'clock.

He walked down his stairs at seven thirty, wearing a dark green button down shirt and a dark wash of jeans- one of his only outfits that looked slightly classy. He still wore his hat though- only Stan had the right to see his actual hair at that point.

Ike caught him as he zipped up his trusty orange jacket. His little brother eyed him suspiciously, "Going somewhere?"

"Yeah. Stan's," he answered, not wanting his family to get any ideas about checking out the party beforehand.

Ike narrowed his eyes and stood up from the couch, walking toward his older brother. "You've been going to Stan's a lot more lately."

Kyle stopped halfway to grabbing his key off the table. He glanced at his little brother, "and?"  
"Well…" Ike smiled his toothy grin. He was only twelve but he still knew more about some things than Kyle. Damn Canadian genius. "I was just wondering if you were using protectio-

"Shut up Ike. You know Stan and I aren't like that," Kyle said through his teeth, a voice laced in a menacing tone. His face was bright red though, and Ike knew him too well to take anything Kyle said at face value.

"Right." He paused, "I won't tell Mom or Dad. I just guessed… it's been pretty obvious for a while how you felt toward him." Pause again. "Do Kenny and Cartman know?"

A pit formed in Kyle's stomach as his embarrassment slowly evaporated from his face. "Yeah…" he looked pleadingly at his little brother, "I'm only telling you cause you're my brother, okay? Please don't tell anyone."

His brother smiled again, but instead of it looking sneaky like it did before, it looked genuine. "Why would I tell anyone my brother likes cock?"  
"Enough. I'm leaving," Kyle was getting annoyed again, so he quickly grabbed his keys and pulled open the door. "If Mom asks, I'm at Stan's. Doing homework. Or something."

"Or something. Have fun tonight, Bro," his little brother said from behind him as the door closed.

Kyle was still slightly peeved at the fact Ike was poking fun at him for his sexual orientation, but at the same time, he was happy. He was able to tell someone else he loved without worrying about the consequences.

As a result, on Kyle's walk to his best friend's house, he couldn't help smiling a little.

--

The party was not at all what Kyle expected. He was thinking, when Stan said 'people that care about you,' it would be a small number of his closer friends. He was naïve to think that once the word got out that they had two kegs (one generously donated from Craig, the other from Token) that there weren't going to be _that _many people.

As he approached the street Stan lived on, he could hear the noise of many people and the dull thrum of the bass of their music.

People were on Stan's lawn, walking from every direction and already in the house. It was possible the entire population of South Park High School was there. Once Kyle pushed past the people to actually get inside, he saw Token chugging down a couple of beers while his friends egged him on. He tore off his jacket and threw it to the pile of others on the floor. He then saw Bebe chatting away with Red not too far away.

"Bebe," Kyle called over the people. The speakers were set up in the backyard, so he could still her himself think in the living room. He walked over one of the kegs to her as she turned toward him, blinking her blue mascara-covered eyes. "Where's Stan?"

"I don't know…" she said, sounding slightly huffy. "I just found out Kenny died a few days ago, so really, I have no reason for being here."  
Kyle inwardly wrenched at the thought of Bebe and Kenny together at a party, drunk and in each others' faces. "Right. Sorry about that. Thanks anyway."

He turned his back on Bebe and headed toward the kitchen, hoping Stan was somewhere in there. He turned the corner and walked right into someone he definitely wasn't expecting to see within thirty feet of Stan's house. Wendy.

Kyle opened his mouth, trying to think of something to say, but Wendy cut him short with the wave of her hand.

"Cartman broke up with me," she said bluntly, her eyes puffy.

"Oh…" was all Kyle could manage to say.

"Technically, he just wanted out of our deal. He wasn't getting anything out of it, he said, so he just ditched," Wendy looked sour. He eyes looked shiny, like she was close to crying.

Even though Kyle hated her and thought Stan was an idiot for never breaking up with her before, he couldn't help but feel sorry for her. After all, they both were in love with the same guy, and if she actually pretended to date Cartman to get him back, then she obviously wasn't over him.

"Wendy?" Kyle said hesitantly, trying to catch her eyes again. She looked up at him determinedly, anger still present on her face.

"It's your fault, you know," she said, her voice wavering. "If you had never gone after him and put all those gay ideas in his head originally, then I'd still be with him!"

Kyle stepped back, surprised at her sudden accusation. Anger pumped through his veins. "MY fault?! Maybe if you originally hadn't dumped him for Token or flirted with Gregory when we were younger, your relationship would've been more stable and you wouldn't have pushed Stan away so much!"  
A sharp hand made contact with Kyle's left cheek after he said this. Pain radiated from his head as he closed his eyes from the hit. He reopened them and saw Wendy's red face stained with tears. She removed her hand from his face and turned on her heal, walking out of the kitchen's back door, into the backyard and away from Kyle.

The redhead stood stock-still and stared after her, the pain in his face numbing.

_God damnit, that girl has a nasty slap…_ he thought angrily. _It's not my fault Stan doesn't love her anymore!! She needs to get over herself, I'm sure any other guy in our grade would go out with her in a heartbeat! Except me. Or Stan. Or Cart-_

Kyle stopped himself from finishing that sentence in his mind. He didn't want to think about Cartman. He didn't want anything to do with that asshole anymore. He caused more trouble than he was worth- and besides, he and Kyle weren't even friends. Why should he put up with someone that hates him?

Kyle walked back into the busy living room, sat down in a huff on the Marsh's blue sofa and crossed his arms. He realized he probably looked like a pouty little child, but he could care less. Wendy fucking ruined his good mood, and he couldn't find Stan.

"Kyleeee…" someone's slurred voice said from next to the couch, on the floor. Kyle vaguely glanced at him, looked back in front of himself (not wanting to deal with a drunk) and quickly did a double take.

"Bu-Butters?!" he stood up from the couch and quickly darted over to where the nearly-unconscious Butters lied, kneeling down next to him. "Are you okay?"

Butters sat up on the floor and dazedly looked at Kyle, his cheeks slightly flushed and his short light-blonde hair sticking out at odd angles. There were beer bottles littered around the floor surrounded Butters. His light blue eyes already glazed over and slightly red- it appeared not only had Butters been drinking, he was crying. His eyes lazily focused on Kyle.

He sniffed and reached out with his right hand, grabbing hold of Kyle's shirt and pulling him toward himself, "He's gone…" he said, his lower lip trembling.

"Who's gone?" Kyle asked, backing up a little. He didn't like being in this close proximity with Butters, let alone a drunken Butters.

"Ken…" sniff. "Ken…" sniff. "Kennyyyy…" he drew out the last syllable as his voice squeaked. Kyle flinched as more tears threatened to escape his eyes.

_That's right, Kenny died on Thursday… why does Butters…_

"It's my fault," the blonde boy said quietly, letting go of Kyle's shirt and slumping on the ground again. Through his eyes, Kyle could tell he looked thoroughly beaten, "It's my fault Kenny died again… and this… and this might…" tears hit the carpet between Butters and Kyle.

Kyle closed his eyes and slowly reopened them, trying to think of what to say. "Butters… Kenny dies all the time. It's not your fault, he's just unlucky… and lucky in some ways, since he keeps coming back-

"But what if he doesn't come back, Kyle?!" Butters' head suddenly snapped up, and he quickly locked eyes with Kyle, fury shining through his light blue eyes. "What if this time, it stops working?! And he's gone for good?! And it's my fault?!!"

"He didn't believe me when I said I wanted him alive because I was afraid he wouldn't come back! He didn't believe me! And then he walked in front of a big ol' truck and it ran him over, just to get me to say why I really wanted him alive! And he still died anyway!"

Kyle had never seen Butters this angry or upset before. He'd seen him cry more times than he'd want to remember, but this was different. Butters was acting genuinely upset, and almost scared. The redhead widened his eyes and stayed quiet, willing to let Butters continue.

More tears gathered in the corners of Butters' eyes and escaped, flowing down his cheeks and landing on his shirt or the Marsh's carpet. "I… I told him I didn't want him away from me anymore, and he still died…" he closed his eyes and trembled. Kyle still didn't know what to say.

"I wish I was more like Eric."

At this, Kyle sputtered, "Wh-what?"

"Eric… is braver than I could ever be…" Butters looked up again at Kyle, swaying from side to side. His eyes were severely bloodshot at that point.

_This boy has the wrong idea of Cartman…_ Kyle thought to himself shaking his head. "Butters… are you sure Cartman is a person to look up to like that?"

Butters closed his eyes slowly then reopened them, his eyes unfocused, "Yeah… Eric is a good friend. I can't even save Kenny once… he's saved you a bunch of times…"

Kyle tilted his head to the side, a confused look spreading across his features, "He only saved my life once, Butters, and that was when I got attacked my Manbearpig during the Imaginationland fiasco…" _did Cartman tell him about that?_

The corners of the redhead's mouth turned down as he scowled, _no, he would brag about that. He's still under the delusion that I sucked his balls... damn._

"Then when you moved away," Butters added lazily, closing his eyes again, like it took a lot of effort to speak. Kyle's eyes shot open.

"What?"

"When you moved… to San Francisco…" Butters started, laying his head against the couch's armrest. His hands fell to the floor as Kyle gaped at him. "He went all that way and brought you back… your family, too. He's really… thoughtful…"

"No, Butters, that wasn't Cartman. That was a miracle of some sort. Almost a 'deus ex machina', that just got rid of everything and brought me back… it couldn't have been…" Kyle trailed off and looked down, trying to connect things in his head. He vaguely remembered that day eight years ago, when he and Ike were high in his room as the Smug storm settled.

Kyle closed his eyes and tried desperately to remember that day from so many years ago.

--

Everything is so colorful…

"_Kahl?! Kahl!!"_

_A large figure appeared in front of him, wearing an orange mask and brown suit. His breathing was very loud._

"_The acid!!" Kyle said loudly, "Dude- I'm totally tripping balls!" his eyelids lowered slightly as he began to feel very relaxed._

"_I'm totary twipping balls… I'm totary twippin…" Ike said next to him, as his brother fell against his right shoulder and, also, began falling asleep._

_Something grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and pulled him up. The orange masked person yelled in his face, "WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE- NOW!" _

That voice… is so familiar…

_Thunder clasped in the background and soon, the lights were flickering on and off as something dragged him by his collar to the window of the room. "KAHL!!"_

_The lights finally went out, "KAAAHHLL!!!!"_

--

Kyle opened his eyes and the room was spinning. He was surrounded by different people dancing and drinking and all together having a good time, but he himself was dealing with inner turmoil. One of his more precious memories- the thought he had a guardian angel, someone looking out for him, then having it turned around and thrown in his face that none of it was true. In fact, the person who saved him was none other than…

_Cartman… it was Cartman?_

"_You're a goddamn Jew!"_

_Eric Cartman. Brought my family and I back from the Smug storm?_

"_Guys, I'm sorry it has to come to this, but we have to kill Kahl."_

_He saved me?_

"_I should've known- you never cared about my birthday at all!"_

"_But… but Casa Bonita… I. Am going. To Casa. Bonita."_

_Why…_

"_I can't swim you just have to save me!"_

_Why does he do this to me?! _Kyle's fists tightened and began to shake.

"_We shall start… with the Daywalker."_

Kyle stood up very fast and kept his eyes shut.

"_I don't have to tell you anything."_

"Kyle…?" a nervous voice said from below him. He opened his eyes and looked down, just remembering Butters was there. "Please don't tell Eric I told you… I just remembered it was supposed to be a secret. He's gonna get real mad." His large blue eyes shined with tears.

Kyle glanced down at the boy below him with a look full of all the anger and frustration he could muster, then turned on his heel and fought his way through crowds of people, to the front door.

_I am so sick… of this._

Kyle put his right hand on the doorknob and began to turn it, when a pair of hands slid around his waist and pulled him into the torso of someone behind him.

"Where are you going?" Stan's voice said quietly in his ear. Kyle could smell alcohol on his breath and winced, letting go of the doorknob.

"I have to go do something…" Kyle said. The other boy placed his chin on Kyle's shoulder and moved his body back and forth, rocking Kyle with him.

"You sure you can't stay… just for a little while longer?" Stan buried his lips in the space between Kyle's jaw and neck and softly bit into it. Although, being drunk, it felt more like Sparky was attacking Kyle's neck than Stan kissing it.

"I have to…" Kyle said quietly, closing his eyes and trying to block out Stan's close proximity with him. _I need to get an answer from Cartman. I'm sick of being pulled around like this. I need to ask him… what he's hiding._

Kyle growled in annoyance. Stan lifted his head up and lowered his lids lazily, his hazel eyes staring intently at Kyle, who was determinedly looking everywhere but at them.

"You're staying," Stan said sternly, starting to steer Kyle toward the left, toward his parent's study and his sister, Shelly's, old room.

"No, I can't, I'm sorry," Kyle reached out toward the doorknob again, but Stan jerked him away and into Shelly's room in one swift movement.

"Stan!" he yelped, breaking Stan's hold on him and walking forward into Shelly's pink room. The lights were off, but he could still make out old Britney Spears posters on the wall and a Barbie doll lamp next to her bed.

He spun around and looked at Stan, annoyed, and saw Stan close the door behind him and lock it. Kyle felt his stomach plummet.

"Stan, I have to go…" he started, walking toward his boyfriend and reaching at the door again.

"Well, you're staying," Stan said bluntly, moving his arms upward and shoving Kyle backward in one swift movement. He landed on the soft pink bed and bounced up again. He tried to push himself back up, but soon Stan climbed on top of him and was smiling in his face.

"Stan- really. I'm not in the mood for this," Kyle said, getting annoyed. Stan lifted his head up, his black hair hanging in front of his glassy eyes. He looked slightly sad.

"That's why I threw this party for you…" he said, frowning. His words were slightly slurred. "It was to make you feel better…" he smiled sheepishly, pushed his head down and tried to kiss Kyle on the neck.

Kyle wasn't amused, "I'm sorry, dude, I know… but this thing came up, and I have to go deal with it." He narrowed his eyes and tried to shift his body away from his friend's.

Stan glanced up into his eyes and frowned again, his eyes shining through a curtain of black hair. "What is it?"

Kyle stopped moving for a moment, mesmerized by Stan's worried gaze, shook his head again and looked away, annoyance appearing on his face, "It's…" he sighed, thinking it was better not to tell Stan, "Nothing."

Stan stared at his best friend, then narrowed his eyes and asked quietly, "Is it Cartman?"

The redhead turned to face him again, his eyes widening at the fact Stan could guess so easily. Stan grimaced.

"You always… get the same look on your face when you think about him…" he looked away but kept Kyle underneath him.

Kyle felt stupid. He was upsetting Stan, when he was obviously trying to cheer him up.

"Has it…" Stan's voice asked. His eyes were hidden behind his hair, so Kyle couldn't read his expression, but his voice sounded sad. "Has it been this whole time?

"Have you been upset this whole time… these last few weeks… you were crying, because of him?" Stan's voice was trembling- Kyle felt terrible.

Before Kyle could respond, Stan suddenly grabbed both of Kyle's wrists with his hands and held on to them tightly, pinning his best friend to the bed. Stan pushed his mouth against Kyle's with all the force he could muster- Kyle couldn't even breathe, or scream, or plead. He was scared.

He finally moved his head away from Stan's. "STAN, CUT IT OUT!" Kyle yelled loudly, trying to push Stan off of him. Stan had two inches on him and was at least thirty pounds heavier and stronger. He was stuck.

"_No_, Kyle," he whispered, trying to kiss Kyle again. Kyle shut his mouth tightly and squirmed underneath his friend. He'd never seen Stan drunk before, and it scared him. He didn't know what he was capable of. His personality seemed to have changed so much. Kyle heart threatened to escape his rib cage it was beating so loudly.

He kicked underneath Stan, attempting to get his best friend to understand that this was _not_ okay and he needed to let go. Kyle closed his eyes and silently prayed.

"It's always about fucking Cartman!!" Stan pulled his mouth away from Kyle's and yelled loudly, keeping Kyle pinned on the bed. Kyle's eardrums hurt from the vibrations Stan's voice was causing through the house. "Always! Even when we were younger!! You'd go to such fucking lengths for him that you would've never done for me!"

Warm drops fell on Kyle's face in the darkness. He opened his eyes and could make out small tears trickling from the corners of Stan's eyes and hitting his face.

"You say you hate him, then when we have chances to leave him for dead, you have to save him! You never seemed to understand; your suffering would have ended if you just left him in that fucking Cave of the Winds! All the shit he ever put you through, and you're still nice to him?! I fuck up once, and you hold it against me. He tries to kill you a million times over and make your life hell, and you forgive him within the week! Do you see how fucked up that is?!" His grip tightened on Kyle's shoulders as his shoulders wracked, letting more tears fall from his eyes. "WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT HIM, KYLE?! ALL HE DOES IS HURT YOU!!"

"I LOVE YOU KYLE, WHY DON'T YOU GET IT?!" He practically shouted into his best friend's face. "I FUCKING LOVE YOU!"

Before Kyle had a chance to reply or even process what his best friend was saying, soon Stan's mouth was on his again. His scream became muffled. Stan let go of Kyle's right wrist as he felt around Kyle pants, essentially finding his target when he got a good hold on Kyle's belt and began to undo it.

Kyle broke his mouth free, and attempted to breathe. Attempted to think. Nothing was working. Everything was happening to fast. Kyle moved his now-free right arm around, attempting to find something- anything to get Stan off of him and sober again. His hand brushed against Shelly's Barbie doll lamp and soon, Kyle grabbed a hold of it and swung at his best friend's head with all his might.

There was a sickening _klank_ as the glass from the lamp's bottom collided with the side of Stan's head. First, nothing happened, as Kyle stared wide-eyed and bewildered at Stan, then slowly, Stan's form slumped on top of him as blood trickled down through his hair and onto Kyle.

The redhead dropped the lamp in surprise and stared at his best friend now lying in his lap. Stan's grip on his left wrist relaxed, and Kyle attempted to move out from under Stan, to see if he was in fact knocked out. The dark-haired teen didn't even budge. Finally, Kyle squeezed out from between the bed and Stan, and stood up in the darkness, his breathing ragged. He reached out his clammy right hand to Stan's neck and felt for a pulse.

There was in fact a very strong, regular beat pulsing through Stan's veins, so Kyle breathed a sigh of relief.

_Just out cold…_ Kyle thought to himself, gazing back at the other teen's sprawled figure on the bed. Hot liquid ran down Kyle's right cheek as his vision became blurry. His throat grew dry and his shoulders wracked. He didn't know what was going on until more liquid fell from his eyes and his fists shook.

He was only vaguely aware he was crying, his life had stopped making sense a few weeks before. Where was he supposed to go now?

_Why…_ he breathed in, attempting to calm himself. _Why did it have to come to this?_

_It's… my fault all this is happening._

_I've hurt Stan… Stan hurt me. What are we supposed to do now?_

_Why did he have to… push me like that?  
And… that look on his face._

_I really hurt him._

_I don't… have a right to face him._

He walked slowly, as if in a trance, out of the room, into the lights and music the party Stan was holding for his benefit was emanating. It was too bright. It was too noisy.

It was too much for him.

_I need to think. I need to get away._

He put his shaky right hand on the doorknob he tried to open earlier, and left the warmth of the house, walking instead into the cold wind and snow of the outside. While the party was going on, apparently a giant storm blew over South Park. He heard people coming from the outside back in as the snow got worse.

_Somewhere… anywhere…_

_Kenny… why did you have to die again? What am I supposed to do?  
_Soon, Kyle broke out into a run, and aimlessly sprinted down the roads and sidewalks of South Park.

He ran until his legs burned, until he felt his nose was going to freeze off from the cold.

He just kept running because that's all he could do.

Until he saw a door he recognized.

Kyle stopped his running, and turned toward the door. He knew that place. He'd seen it before. It was a house he should've known, but with the heavy snowfall, he could only make out the door. His chest moved up and down with his strained breathing, and his lungs felt like they were full of ice. He slowly walked toward the door.

The heat his body accumulated from his running was wearing down, so when he reached out and awkwardly knocked on the door, he quickly retrieved his arms and huddled them around his body. His face felt frozen where the residue of his tears from earlier was.

He looked down at his feet as he questioned his motives.

_I'm going crazy… but does it matter anymore?_

He heard the door creak open in front of him as a wave of heat and light overtook his body. He glanced upward, grateful for the heat, and met the brown eyes of the one person he didn't need to see at this moment.

Cartman.

He stood in the doorway, wearing faded ripped jeans and a dark blue tank top. His hair looked wet- as if he had just gotten out of the shower. The expression on his face conveyed as much surprise at seeing Kyle as Kyle had from ending up outside of Cartman's house. He blinked, surprised for a moment, but kept the front door wide open with his right arm.

The redhead was so surprised, he almost completely forgot the fact he was freezing cold, until he was hit with another batch of shivering. His teeth shattered and he rubbed his hands up and down against his arms, attempting to warm himself. He silently cursed himself for leaving his jacket at Stan's house.

Cartman stared down at him for another moment, then sighed loudly, and turned his back on Kyle, but left the door wide open.

"Get in," he mumbled, walking farther into his house, leaving a confused and cold Kyle standing just outside his front door. Kyle, freezing cold from the weather and still mentally numb from all that had happened that night, could think of no reason to object to the other boy's demand at that moment, and followed Cartman into his house, quickly shutting the door behind him.


	14. All Fall Down

1.5 Miles per Hour

Author: OnigiriReject

Summary: Every day in South Park, Colorado, has been basically the same for Kyle Broflovski. He's gone to school, hung out with his friends, and this has happened for basically his entire life. He thought he understood everything there was to know about the people around him, but as time has gone on, something happens which makes Kyle question all the relationships he thought he completely understood. The only constant in life is that everything changes.

Pairings: KyCart and Style, undertones of Bunny and Candy.

~South Park and all characters belong to Matt Stone and Trey Parker, I'm just borrowing them for a little fun. ~

Chapter 14: All Fall Down

Déjà vu: The feeling that you get when you feel something has happened before.

What do you call someone who

always gets the feeling of déjà vu, because

the same thing actually does happen over and over?

Oh right, an idiot.

--

Kyle stood awkwardly in the Cartman residence, attempting to warm himself with his hands until he soaked the heat of the house in. He glanced around the house and realized it had been a while since he was actually inside. Lately he'd been with Stan so much, he hasn't even bothered to visit Cartman or Kenny's houses.

The yellow wallpaper still covered the walls, with a picture of Cartman and his mom (LeAnn) in front of Mount Rushmore hanging above the couch. The carpet was still the bright green it always was, but Cartman's TV and game systems had been updated since Kyle's last visit.

Cartman eyed Kyle as he observed the room, and crossed his arms. He seemed to be waiting for something. An explanation, perhaps, as to why Kyle had run to his house in the middle of the night during a blizzard. Kyle finally met the other boy's eyes, and looked down while he thought of something appropriate to say.

Kyle could think of nothing as Cartman glared down at him, tapping his fingers impatiently against his arm. He seemed annoyed.

"Where's your mom?" was the first thing out of Kyle's mouth to break the silence.

"Out." From the way Cartman had answered, Kyle knew not to ask the other boy to elaborate.

"Oh," Kyle said, feeling much more awkward and out of place than he had originally. The silence fell between them again, causing Cartman to sigh.

"What are you doing here?" Cartman finally asked Kyle as he leaned against the wall and peered at the smaller boy. Kyle noticed that the other teen's tank top clung to his chest, like had put it on directly out of showering, and his hair was still wet. He vaguely wondered if he interrupted Cartman's shower. "You're supposed to be at Stan's big old house party or whatever."

Kyle felt his stomach do flip-flops. He didn't want to think about Stan. His eyes stung with tears. _Wait… Cartman knew about the party? Then why was he here?_

Cartman still seemed to be waiting for an answer. _Like I even know why I'm here_, Kyle thought hotly, getting annoyed at Cartman's accusing stare. Kyle quickly glanced out the window and saw the snow falling heavily.

"The blizzard…" he started, looking down at his soaked tennis shoes again. "I was on a run when… the snow came down really fast, and your house was the closest place I could get out of it." _No way am I telling him… the truth._ His stomach plummeted as he very briefly remembered all that had happened that night that had caused him to go running out in the snow.

Cartman looked Kyle up and down before smirking, his catlike grin spreading across his wide face. Kyle felt uneasy.

"What?" he asked, taken aback by the sneaky look Cartman was giving him.

"Those are the clothes you go running in? And with your fly down?" he replied, his smirk growing wider. Kyle glanced down at his clothes and realized how dumb he must've sounded for saying he went running in his dark jeans and collared long sleeve shirt. And again, not realizing his fly was down. Kyle wondered how that had happened, then remembered Stan's hands on his belt buckle and pants earlier, trying to get them off…

Embarrassment at being caught in his lie washed over Kyle. He quickly reached down, fixed his pants, and spat at Cartman, "What do you know about running clothes, fatty? You're fat ass is lucky to get off the couch twice a day, and that's only when you get snack refills."

Cartman's smile automatically fell off his face and was replaced with an annoyed look. Kyle knew what he said was low, but at that moment, he didn't care. He might've been really upset about what happened at the party, and he might have been in a sorry physical state from running in the ten-degree weather, but God help him if he was ever going to let Cartman insult him and get away with it.

"What the fuck is your problem, fag? I fucking let you in my house when I could have just as easily left you freezing!" he yelled back at Kyle, obviously angry.

"Don't call me a 'fag' Cartman! It's fucking insulting!"

"Why not?! You are one!"  
_And we're off on yet another yelling fest_, Kyle dully noted.

"I don't have to put up with this…" he began, putting his back to Cartman as he turned to face the door.

"You started it," Cartman replied bluntly. Kyle didn't even turn around.

"Yeah, and I can end it," Kyle said, and added in a much quieter tone, "I was stupid for coming here…" he reached out his right hand and put it on the door knob, pulling the door open again.

Suddenly, there was an arm above his right shoulder pushing the door shut again. "Don't be stupid, Jew. It's fucking cold," Cartman said from directly behind him. The hairs on the back of Kyle's neck stood up. He could sense the heat from Cartman's body on his back. Kyle kept his hand on the doorknob for another moment, as Cartman didn't move from behind him. He realized Cartman was going to keep the door shut with his right hand and remain behind Kyle until he stopped trying to escape.

An irritated sigh left Kyle's mouth as he let go of the doorknob and turned around, facing Cartman. The larger boy lingered there for a moment, his hand still pushing against the door to keep it shut. Kyle looked up at Cartman and remembered the month before, when they were in the exact same position at school. He forgot how they ended up like that, but Kyle remembered last time, he was scared because Cartman was lowering his face into Kyle's and speaking in a very dangerous tone.

"Who_ I date, and _why_ I date them… is my business, and my business alone, you nosy Jew-rat… I'm not dating Wendy to piss off Stan…"_

The redhead noticed that unlike last time, the close proximity with Cartman didn't scare quite as him, it only made him nervous. He stared up at the larger teen, wondering why that was so. His eyes were still that golden brown, but there was nothing menacing hiding in them. Last time, he had been so scared… and then Stan had punched Cartman, and he had been so relieved.

_Stan…_ Kyle thought sadly, remembering his drunken best friend on top of him at the party. His eyes became shiny as he glanced down, barely noticing Cartman still hadn't moved. They were barely a foot apart.

Cartman sighed loudly and broke Kyle's concentration. He removed his hand from the door behind Kyle and walked away, back toward the couch. Kyle felt the heat slowly dissipate around him- the body heat he shared with Cartman vanished as Cartman did. He glanced up at the other boy and locked eyes with him.

"Considering what time it is anyway…" Cartman began, tearing his gaze away from Kyle, sitting down on his couch and closing his eyes. "You had some other reason for coming here, Kahl."

Cartman looked tired. Kyle quickly glanced up at the clock above the TV- it was one in the morning.

_Oh…_ Kyle thought, _he must have been going to sleep._ He shifted between his feet again, and looked up at Cartman pleadingly. He'd hoped Cartman was tired enough that he could get away without telling him the truth, and Cartman wouldn't force it out of him.

"Do I _have_ to explain why I came?" he asked quietly. He glanced up at the other boy pathetically. He really had no other thing to say- he was too tired and too upset to even try and think of another excuse.

Cartman continued to look at Kyle, then glanced away quickly. His cheeks were a faint pink. "I have better things to do than listen to your dumb reasons."

Kyle sighed gratefully and closed his eyes, tiredness coming over him like a wave. Too much had happened. The only real solution was to sleep.

"So you're sleeping here?" Cartman asked bluntly, causing Kyle to open his eyes.

Kyle mulled it over in his head and glanced out the window again. There was so much snow coming down that he couldn't see anything that wasn't white outside. He looked back at Cartman and blushed, embarrassed he had to ask such a thing of Cartman if anyone.  
"…Not because I'd want to…" he mumbled. Cartman met his eyes again, then sighed. He stood up and stretched his arms, eyeing Kyle like a cat.

"Whatever, do what you want," he replied, less enthusiasm in his voice than when Kyle first entered his house.

_He really must be tired_, Kyle thought, grateful they weren't arguing. He looked around the room awkwardly then walked over to the couch Cartman was sitting on. He glanced nervously at Cartman, and mumbled, "Thanks."

Cartman made no motion to suggest he heard Kyle, but walked toward the stairs and leaned against the wall. He crossed his arms and closed his eyes. Kyle yawned loudly and glanced down at the couch, which looked more than inviting to let Kyle sleep.

Without so much as a second glance to see Cartman's reaction, he plopped down on the edge of the couch, curled his body into a ball, and closed his eyes. He felt the soft texture of the cloth underneath his fingertips. His clothes were still damp from the snow.

"_It's always about fucking Cartman!!"_ Stan's voice yelled in Kyle's mind. _"Always! Even when we were younger!! You'd go to such fucking lengths for him that you would've never done for me!"_

_Why did I come here… of all places?_

"I just… had nowhere else to go," he said into the cushions, his voice wavering. So much had happened. He no longer wanted to think.

He felt like he was lying alone on the beach, and the waves kept washing over him, eventually pulling him and trapping him in the undertow. There was nothing he could do. There was nothing he wanted to do. Just to sleep.

And even though he was in his worst enemy's house, half asleep on the couch in the presence of someone who tried to kill him many times, he could care less. He just didn't want to deal with anything anymore.

--

--

_What is that idiot thinking?_ Cartman thought to himself as he glanced down at the Jew lying on his couch. _'Had nowhere else to go' my ass- he has a house. Why the hell did he have to wake me up?_

He scratched at his head and watched the redhead's chest move up and down rhythmically on the couch. _He's _not_ asleep. He can't have…_

"Jew," Cartman said, approaching the quiet form of Kyle curled up on the cushions. "Jew," he said louder, trying to get his attention.

He glanced at the redhead's face- he was out.

_What the hell happened to him?_ Cartman wondered as he peered into the face of the smaller teenager. His clothes were still damp from the snow outside, and there were dark circles around his eyes. He noticed earlier when Kyle walked in, his eyes were puffy and red.

_What happened at Stan's party?_

_That asshole Craig came up to me yesterday and was talking about something to do with Stan._

--

"Hey, dude, excited for tomorrow?!" Craig said, running up to him after school and patting him on the back. Cartman tore his gaze away from Kyle and Stan exiting the school together and laughing. His insides burned.

"What?" he snapped at Craig, sounding more annoyed than he meant to. Craig smirked.

"You know, Stan's party! His parents are out again, so he's inviting everyone over!"

Cartman glanced back toward the entrance and saw the two best friends were gone. He sighed and thought over what Craig said, realizing he sounded more chipper toward Cartman than usual. The larger boy knew something was up.

_I doubt that faggy Stan would invite everyone over for a party_, Cartman vaguely noted, putting his books back inside his locker and shutting the door. _This asshole probably just invited everyone for him…_

"Oh, I heard what happened with Wendy, dude. Sucks," Craig said. Cartman made no motion he had heard Craig and bent down to zip up his backpack.

"It's no problem. I ended it anyway," he said quietly. Craig seemed to be relieved at this.

"That's good! Anyway, the only way to get over an old fling is with a new one, right? Hence why the party would be great for you! It's supposed to be for Kyle, though," Craig's smile slightly faded. Cartman's ears perked up at this. "But any excuse to get wasted, right?" he punched Cartman on the arm.

"So did Stan send you the event invite?"

"…No," Cartman mumbled, getting more and more annoyed by Craig's presence every second. _The only reason he's talking to me is to get me to bring my mom's booze._

It took Craig a second to realize what this meant. "Oh." He looked awkward. Cartman shot him a look of loathing and turned his back on him, heading for the exit.

"Well, I'm sure he meant to!" Craig yelled after him. "Just show up and bring your mom's good stuff, okay?!"

--

_I wasn't even fucking invited. Why should I have bothered to go hang out for the Jew's sake anyway? I don't fucking care about him. It's not like I'd want to see them making out at his house like I already see in the library. Disgusting._

Kyle whimpered softly in his sleep and shivered as Cartman glanced sideways at him. Cartman slowly realized he must've been cold.

"Idiot," he said quietly, walking over to the closet near the door and pulling it open. There were blankets folded on the shelf above the jackets on the hangers. He easily pulled one of the larger comforters down and walked back toward the couch, eyeing the redhead.

He unfolded it slightly and threw it over Kyle's sleeping form, feeling slightly embarrassed. The brown-haired teen felt his cheeks heat up, realizing how gay he must've looked just then. _But…he looks so pathetic._

"_Stan…_" Kyle murmured in his sleep. Cartman paused his attempt at warming the redhead and looked at his face. Tears were gathering in the corners of his eyes and silently trickling down his face. He felt his stomach plummet and before he knew what he was doing, he lifted one of his hands to the Jew's face and wiped a tear away, catching it on his finger.

He took the tear to his own mouth and tasted it. When he was younger, tasting Kyle's tears seemed to be one of the best things he could imagine doing, after doing it to Scott Tenorman. The thought of causing Kyle enough pain to break down and cry used to be like a wet dream to him.

But now, it just felt empty. The taste of salt flooded through his mouth and Cartman sighed.

"Do you realize… how much you drive me crazy, Jew?"

--

--

_I don't want to be awake._

--

_Let me stay this way…_

--

"Wake up."

"Hmm?"

"It's four in the afternoon."

"Mmf…?"

"That means it's late and you should get up."

"No, Stan…"

Suddenly, a strong force grabbed him by his right wrist and yanked. Kyle's body met with the carpeted floor with a loud _klunk_.

His head throbbed as he cursed, opening up one of his teary eyes and seeing what caused his less than comfortable 'good morning.' Cartman stared down at him, his eyes narrowed and his arms crossed.

Kyle stood up dizzily, untangling himself from a comforter, and spat at the larger boy, "Hey! What the fuck?!"  
"Get off my couch," he snapped back. His eyes were barely slits as he stared down his nose at the redhead. "It's four pm, and you're still sleeping." Irritation lined every feature on his face.

Kyle knew he should have stayed angry with Cartman, but couldn't bring himself to do it. He remembered how Cartman had let him stay at his house, even though he showed up in the middle of the night, so he could give Cartman a little leeway today.

Kyle straightened his green hat and looked out the window. It was still snowing.

"Has it been snowing the entire time I was asleep?" he glanced over at Cartman, who was walking out of the room into the kitchen.

"Yeah," he called out. "All last night and today."

Kyle walked over to the TV and flicked it on. It was on the news.

"…snow to be expected until late tomorrow morning, but for now it's advised residents stay in their homes," Fuck, Kyle thought, "A blizzard warning is now in effect through the mid and southern regions of Colorado."

_I'll have to call my mom…_ Kyle felt a headache coming on. He looked down and realized he was wearing the same clothes he put on the day before. _Fuck, no toothbrush… no change of clothes. Damnit._

--

_Ring._

_Ring._

"Hello?"

"Ike? Oh thank God you picked up."

"Kyle? Dude, are you still at Stan's house?" Kyle didn't like the emphasis his brother put on the name, and inwardly flinched at the mention of it.

"No… it's a long story, but I'm at the Cartman residence."

Pause.

"You mean Eric Cartman's house?"  
"Yeah."

"…Do you have a death wish? He'll probably dress up as Hitler and stuff you in an oven while you're sleeping."

"Look- I know Ike, it's weird, just trust me though, it'll be fine-

"Why are you even there?"

"Some shit went down at Stan's house and then the blizzard started, I got trapped here."

Pause. Sighing was heard on the other end of the line.

"Mom is worried sick."

"I know."

"You want me to tell her you're fine and healthy, and you'll be home as soon as possible?"

"Please."

"Fine," laughter was heard from a TV on Ike's end. "Just explain to me when you get back _how_ you ended up over there, and I'll make sure Mom doesn't worry."

"Thanks dude."

"No problem, Bro. Be safe."

_Click._

--

_That takes care of my mom… for now. I'm still gonna get interrogated when I get home, though. Fuck._

He took his hand off the Cartman's phone in the hallway and began to walk toward the living room, slowly realizing his predicament. He was stuck in a house with the boy who hated him most in the world and enjoyed tormenting him for at least another day, until the snow let up enough that he could leave.

He walked into the living room.

"So you're stuck here?" a voice said from behind him. Kyle jumped slightly and narrowed his eyes.

"Yeah. It looks like I can't even get through the front door, so I'm locked in." _I definitely would rather be anywhere else._

Cartman replied in a harsh tone, "Well, sorry Jew, but that's your own damn fault." Kyle snapped his head back to look Cartman in the eyes, irritation bubbling just below his skin. He hadn't noticed before, but Cartman had changed what he was wearing since the day before, and was wearing yet another tank top, but red.

Cartman shrugged his shoulders but kept his eyebrows down. "You showed up at _my_ doorstep at _one in the morning_. You came _here_. Next time there's a blizzard coming, go bother your boyfriend or something and let _me_ sleep."

Now that Kyle looked, Cartman's eyes were sunken in, as if he hadn't slept the whole night. Despite feeling slightly sorry for the boy, his other feelings of anger and sadness prevailed, and in one fell swoop, his mood was down again. At the mention of Stan, all the memories of the night before swept over Kyle. His stomach lurched uncomfortably and he covered his mouth with his hand. The feeling of Stan's weight on top of him, his wrists being held so tightly the circulation was cut off, and Stan's lips pressing feverishly against his own…

Kyle suddenly fell down onto his knees and hands and threw his head between his arms, heaving his chest up and down violently. Cartman jumped back slightly, his eyes wide. "Ka-Kahl?!"

The redhead could taste something awful as his stomach attempted to rid itself of all contents. Unluckily for Kyle, the last thing he ate was over twenty-four hours ago, so there was literally nothing in his system. He felt his skin grow cold and clammy as sweat beaded on his forehead. _God… fucking… damnit…_ he thought, trying to calm himself down.

Unexpectedly, there was a soft touch on the middle of his back that warmed his body. He glanced up slightly and saw, of all people, Cartman bending down next to him, looking annoyed and worried. He held a small trashcan in his left hand.

"If you must throw up, at least try to keep it off my carpet," he said quietly, his face etched with irritation but his eyes showing a completely different emotion. Kyle's eyes widened, then he shut them tightly as another wave of sickness overcame him.

Slowly, after more dry heaves, his breathing slowed and his stomach sickness lessened. Cartman's hands remained at the ready in case more bouts of retching appeared. Kyle began to feel better and shifted his weight onto his calves to sit up. Cartman's hand stayed on the middle of his back, but he felt it safe to leave the trashcan on the ground in front of Kyle. A silence fell between the two boys as Cartman eyed Kyle, and Kyle tried to steady his breathing.

About a minute later, the brown-haired boy closed his eyes, sighed and threw back his head to gaze at the ceiling.

"What was that about?" he asked, sounding annoyed once more. He removed his hand from the redhead.

Kyle felt the warm spot on his back where Cartman's hand had been grow colder. He closed his eyes slowly, still taking deep breaths, then opened them again, his green eyes shining. "Why… do you care?"  
All at once, the brief peace that had unknowingly befallen the two boys broke as the larger boy's eyes shot open and he snapped, "Why the fuck do you think I care?!"

Kyle, not meaning for his response to come across as it had, turned his head toward Cartman and watched him as he stood up hurriedly and walked across the room into the kitchen. Kyle was alone once again on the green carpet.

_God… today sucks_, he thought bitterly as he realized how alone he was on the floor. He glanced back at the empty trashcan and somehow, it seemed to intensify his lack of zest at that moment.

He tried to think of something to call out to anyone, to get someone near him so he didn't feel quite as alone. His face stung with anger at himself for being so pathetic. _Anger_, he thought, feeling like he was forgetting something. A pair of angry eyes flashed in his mind briefly, and he thought for a moment, trying to give them a face.

…_Wendy_, he thought, _last night… she slapped me. Why was she upset…?_

Cartman entered the room again and didn't even look down at Kyle as he passed the redhead sitting on the floor. He continued on his way to the stairs, and barely placed one of his bare feet on the bottom stair when Kyle spoke to him.

"You dumped Wendy."

A long, stretched out silence filled the air as Cartman slowly turned his head to look at Kyle, keeping one of his feet on the stairs and his left hand on the banister.

"So?"

"So… why?" _Well, yeah, she's a conniving manipulative bossy bitch… but Cartman had some other reason for dating her. Was it fulfilled?_

Cartman's eyes narrowed to deep brown slits. "Why the fuck should I tell you?"

Kyle pushed himself off the floor and shakily stood up, facing Cartman squarely, his own green eyes narrowed as well. "Because I want to know," he answered stubbornly.

This answer took Cartman off guard, but he quickly recovered. "It's none of your business why I dump someone." He continued to walk up the stairs.

The redhead stayed close behind and soon his feet were on the bottom step, five stairs behind Cartman. "So? I just want to know- you never fucking told me why you were pretending to date her in the first place, you could at least tell me why you called the deal off."

Cartman stopped walking again and looked back at Kyle. The shorter boy gained another two steps while Cartman paused and decided to continue his verbal interrogation. "I mean fuck, Cartman, you hated her even more than I did, and you didn't even get money to pretend to be 'teenage romantic bliss' with her. You had to have had a good reason."

Cartman's eyebrows went up and he turned his head away from Kyle again, staring up the stairwell to the upper level. Kyle eyed the back of his head.

"…I did have a good reason," he murmured softly, then, as if regretting even admitting that much, he quickened his pace and finished his journey up the stairs. He was too quick for Kyle, for when Kyle finally reached the top stair, Cartman was already in his room locking the door.

"Cartman!" Kyle yelled angrily, walking toward the door and kicking it. "What the hell is your problem?! I asked you one question!"

"Fuck off, kike. Go bother your boyfriend," Cartman's voice said from just on the other side of the door. It sounded like he was leaning against it.

Kyle's cheeks heated up in anger again and he grabbed the doorknob with both hands and tried to twist it violently to no avail. "FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE! Don't _ever_ bring Stan up again!!"  
_Twist._

"He's all you bring up now when you don't want to deal with me! What the fuck is wrong with you?! You used to get off on torturing me, but ever since that night at the basketball court, all you do is bring him up!" _Twist._ "It's hard enough to deal with what happened last night without _you_ constantly bringing him up!!"  
Kyle didn't even know what he was saying anymore- once he started yelling, it all began to pour out.

"_He's_ the reason I fucking ran here in the middle of the night! Or did you not put that together, you dumb idiot?! And then you keep bringing him up- making me sick, making me cry- it's _your_ fault he fucking got mad at me in the first place!!"  
_Twist._

"You didn't see him! He was upset- saying I treated you better than him!! And you know what, hell, he may be right!! I don't even know why I put up with you!! I've been mistreating Stan and he fucking got mad… And… and…"

Kyle breathed in heavily as his hands shook, both tightly clenching the doorknob.

"_That's_ why he did what he did! It's because of you- if you could just be a normal friend and be happy for Stan and I, none of this would have happened! Instead, you kept purposely making me mad and keeping me in a bad mood so Stan would have to take care of me!! You don't even understand how much you've fucked up my relationship! I hope you're fucking happy you miserable piece of shit!!"

"It's _YOUR_ fault this all happened!!" He kicked at the door again. "And all I ask for it one little answer and you can't even give me that much- you fucking _sadist_! You're enjoying this!!" Kyle yelled to the white door. "You- you make no sense!! The only reason you've ever done nice things for me is when you get something! You can't just genuinely be nice!!"

He attempted to steady his breathing, leaned his head and body against the door as his shaking subsided, and closed his eyes, not even caring what he was saying anymore. He began to speak in a much more tired and quiet tone, "You know, when I saved your life, I did it because it was the right thing. Because I genuinely believed there was some good in everyone, and now you've gone and fucked that up too. You only fucking saved me after Manbearpig so I would suck your balls, which I _still haven't_. And the same goes for the Smug Storm. You only did those things so you could continue to make my life hell. You're sick, you know that? There's something genuinely wrong with yo-

Suddenly, the door Kyle was leaning against opened and he fell flat on Cartman's brown carpet. After realizing what happened, he looked up and met the eyes Cartman.

He looked angry.

He looked sad.

He looked confused.

He looked scared.

"How…" he began, staring down at Kyle who remained on his floor, "How… do you know about that?" his voice was a higher pitch than normal, and his brown eyes widened as the color in his face drained. Kyle blinked, thinking back to what he said.

_The Smug Storm._

"Oh…" he said awkwardly, pushing himself off the floor and trying to stand upright. He was still jostled from his sudden visit to the floor again. He thought back to the night before and remembered it was Butters who told him, but then begged him not to tell. Kyle debated telling Cartman, but essentially remained silent, instead waiting for the other boy to break the silence.

The white that had taken over Cartman's face was replaced by a red color, starting in his cheeks and slowly spreading out to the rest. Minutes ticked by. Slowly and painfully, and it was so quiet that Kyle was able to hear the clock downstairs ticking away the seconds. Cartman swallowed a few times, looking like he had no idea what to say.

Finally, he spoke. "I…" he began, his hand still on the doorknob, though it looked more like he was holding himself up with it than anything. "You weren't ever supposed to know."

Awkward silence. Kyle continued to listen for the clock downstairs so as to count the seconds.

"Why…" Kyle heard himself say, "Did you never want me to find out?"

Cartman didn't answer, and instead spoke again, casting his gaze downward. "You said… Stan… was why you came over here…"

Kyle shifted his position nervously and looked away from Cartman, and at his old Terrance and Philip poster on his wall. The other boy seemed to be thinking hard.

"Way to change the subject," Kyle started quietly, looking anywhere but at the other teen. He vaguely noticed the whole room smelled like Cartman- a dark, sweet scent. Very different from Stan's cologne…

"You demand answers from me constantly, but you won't even give me one? You cheap Jew."

The redhead finally looked up and met Cartman's brown eyes. They looked slightly different than before, they weren't just angry or embarrassed, they looked determined.

"I…" Kyle began. Now it was his turn to avoid the question. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I don't care," Cartman replied bluntly, beginning to walk toward Kyle. Kyle backed up slightly, attempting to keep the distance between them.

"I do… I don't even want to think about it." The back of Kyle's foot hit the foot of Cartman's bed.

"Tell me what Stan did," Cartman demanded softly, his voice laced with danger. He stopped walking only three feet in front of Kyle, who was basically stuck.

"No, Cartman."

"Tell me, Jew!!" his eyes narrowed now- he was getting annoyed.

"No Cartman, I'm not fucking telling you!"

"Then stop asking for all the answers from me if you yourself are not willing to answer some yourself!"

"I'm sick of crying!" Kyle yelled, staring straight into Cartman's eyes. His eyes didn't even sting with tears this time- he was literally too sick and tired for his bodily reactions to work correctly. "I don't want to talk about it because I'll fucking start crying again, and while you may enjoy seeing my pain, I don't!! So FUCK OFF!" he practically spat in Cartman's face.

Cartman looked like he was slapped. Instead of his face twisting in even more anger, he looked defeated. He sighed loudly and looked away, his brown eyes shining with gold again.

"Then stop asking me questions that obviously cause the same reactions from me."

Kyle blinked.

_Stop asking questions… that made him sad?_

_Why did you dump Wendy?_

_Why did you never want me to find out about Smug Alert?_

_Why was he dating Wendy?  
Why did he save me?_

Kyle slowly began to understand how answering his questions would hurt Cartman. He didn't know why, but at that moment, he decided the best thing at that moment was to drop the questions all together and do something that needed to be done for the last eight years.

He was tired again.

"Cartman…" he began, closing his eyes and feeling more physically exhausted than he had in a while. "Thanks… for saving my life."

Blackness engulfed Kyle's consciousness, and he sat on the bed. Sleeping seemed to be the only real solution now.

_Stan won't hurt anymore if I disappear. This pain in my chest will be gone if I vanish. _

--

You wake up in a long bed in an unfamiliar dark room and ask no questions.

You wake up in clothes much too big for you and don't remember who's they were.

You're too tired to ask questions.

Avoiding life and truth by sleeping was always a common thing for sad people.

--

You wake up and there's a tray of food next to you. You don't feel like eating. Too much effort.

--

You wake up in the middle of the night because you heard someone screaming. You realize it was only yourself.

--

You wake up and it's light outside, there's a voice saying the snow was letting up and people could leave their houses now.

--

You wake up and you're back in your own bed. You ask no questions how you got there, and instead close your eyes again.


	15. Asleep

1.5 Miles per Hour

Author: OnigiriReject

Summary: Every day in South Park, Colorado, has been basically the same for Kyle Broflovski. He's gone to school, hung out with his friends, and this has happened for basically his entire life. He thought he understood everything there was to know about the people around him, but as time has gone on, something happens which makes Kyle question all the relationships he thought he completely understood. The only constant in life is that everything changes.

Pairings: KyCart and Style, undertones of Bunny and Candy.

~South Park and all characters belong to Matt Stone and Trey Parker, I'm just borrowing them for a little fun. ~

Chapter 15: Asleep by the Smiths

It's all my fault.

At least let me say I'm sorry.

--

"Butters! Get up, it's time for school!" his mother's voice traveled through the cracks in his front door. The small blonde boy pulled the covers over his head and kept his eyes shut. _School's not cancelled today, too? Aww._

A few minutes later, he heard his father's voice. "Butters, did you hear your mother? Get down here!"

"YESSIR!" The blonde yelled from under the covers. He was tired. It had been yet another sleepless night for him. His eyes were barely open as he ran into the bathroom and brushed his teeth. He guessed it was Wednesday- the school was closed Monday and Tuesday from the heavy blizzard Saturday night.

He dashed back into his room and pulled on a pair of jeans, wincing as he noticed a beer stain on the pants and remembered Saturday night. Stan's party.

_I came home the next mornin'… and had a horrible headache. I threw up at Stan's party a couple of times… Dunno how many actual drinks I had. Serves me right for drinkin', I guess…_

He buttoned up his baby blue jacket over a pink shirt and grabbed his backpack, running down the stairs.

"I'm up, Dad," Butters said as he walked by his father. He heard the rustling of a newspaper as he grabbed his Hello Kitty lunch box off the counter and proceeded out the front door.

"Butters- eat some breakfast!" his mom called after him. The door closed behind the small blonde as he continued on his way to the sidewalk.

Once he reached the corner of his street and he was out of sight of his parents, he bent down and unzipped his bag. He made sure he had two copies of his notebook and two copies of the essay assigned Friday that he already finished. The first copy was for himself, obviously… and the second…

_Is for Kenny… when he gets back… _Butters' eyes watered as he zipped his bag closed again and stood up, wiping his eyes and walking toward his school.

--

Don't wake me up.

Sleeping is freedom.

--

_Wake up. He is not here today. I can sleep in peace._

--

_Wake up. In school, third period. Teacher is prattling on again._

--

_Wake up. It's lunch. I'm not hungry. I stay in the classroom and sleep at my desk._

_--_

"Jew," Kyle vaguely registered the figure in front of him. It waved a hand in his face and frowned. "God damn it- stop ignoring me."

No response.

"Your dad is a stereotypical greedy Jew with a big nose."

Nothing.

"Your brother is Canadian and nobody loves him."

Nothing again.

"Your mom is a big, fat, Jew bitch-

"DON'T CALL MY MOM A BITCH, CARTMAN!" the redhead finally retorted. After his outburst, he quickly realized old habits die hard. Cartman smirked his self-satisfied smirk at Kyle at the fact he finally got Kyle to pay attention to him.

"So you finally wake up?" his smirk grew wider as he watched the redhead.  
Kyle could care less about his outburst toward Cartman at that moment. He was too tired and his head was too full to worry about anything else. Lucky for him, Stan didn't appear to be at school that day, so he could ignore the broken feeling in his chest for yet another day.

"Why are you bothering me, fat-ass?" Kyle asked him. He knew that calling Cartman that would push his buttons.

"What the fuck is your problem, Kahl?" Cartman asked from his seat in front of him. He looked slightly tired, but Kyle could have really cared less what that asshole looked like. Kyle glanced around the room- they seemed to be the only two still in the classroom.

"Why are you here?" the redhead looked down at the floor. "Go to lunch. Go harass someone else."

"There's no one else I'd rather harass, Kahl, in case you didn't figure that out yet."

Kyle looked up; the brunette seemed pretty pleased with himself. He scowled.

"I'm tired. Get away from me." Kyle attempted to tuck his head back into his arms.

"What, not even a 'thanks'? For taking you home after you stole my bed through the snow and the cold?" the brunette asked innocently.

Kyle blinked- he would have not remembered that. Truthfully, Kyle didn't remember much because he chose to sleep through it. His mom had attempted to grill him for details that morning before school, but he just replied he didn't feel well and ran out of the house. Ike seemed worried too- Kyle still hadn't explained why he was at Cartman's house that night, or what had been going on recently. Kyle really didn't like to worry his family, yet he himself was too tired to even think about everything, let alone explain it to other people.

"I'm tired," he started, "and I'm going back to sleep." He put his head down on his desk and closed his eyes. He really stopped caring about everything. It was easiest just to forget things that happened instead of confront them directly.

"You owe me an answer, Jew-rat," the voice he despised said in his ear.

Kyle could have jumped out of his skin if anatomy didn't get in the way. He shot open his eyes and found himself face to face with Cartman, who looked angry. This time, there was no smile on his face.

"You said _he_ was the reason you came over to my house. What happened?"

_I'm not talking about this._

"Did you two break up or fight or some shit like that?"

_I refuse to talk about this, especially to him._ The redhead shut his eyes tightly and tried to block Cartman out.

"Tell me what Stan did, Kahl."

"DON'T FUCKING SAY HIS NAME!!" Kyle finally snapped back, "You're such a sadist Cartman- you know doing that will upset me!" the redhead stood up angrily, his chair screeching against the floor, and began to exit the room.

"Well, I'm not gonna get an answer any other way unless I push it out of you! Or haven't you already figured that much out, Kahl?!" Cartman, too, stood up quickly and walked after Kyle, causing the Jew to spin around and narrow his eyes at the teen.

"Why the hell do you care?!" Kyle began, making fists with his hands. "Are you just looking for another thing to make fun of me with?! Because if that's the case, then I'm not fucking telling you!"

Cartman looked taken aback by Kyle's words, but continued his angry pursuit, "Tell me RIGHT NOW, Jew, or I swear to God-

"You'll what?!" Kyle dared him-- his eyes alit with fury. "I've already seen hell Cartman- _nothing_ you could do could make it worse."

_I want to go back to sleep. I don't want to talk about this. _Kyle could already feel the memories of that night flooding into his head, beyond his control.

Cartman watched Kyle reel for a moment, his harsh features softening slightly as he quieted his voice to a normal level, "What did he do to you…?" Kyle thought he almost sounded like he cared. Almost.

Kyle bit his lip and looked everywhere except at the brunette in front of him. "It wasn't his fault," was the first quiet confession he was willing to make.

"What are you talking about?" the larger teen asked worriedly, "That doesn't matter!"

Tears threatened to escape Kyle's eyes again from thinking about that night. About how it was his own fault. How he was an awful boyfriend and best friend. _God damn it, I'm sick of crying._

"No, don't cry again." Cartman practically ordered him. He looked helpless—uncharacteristically upset at the tears gathering in the corners of the redhead's eyes. "Fuck. Stop it Kahl, please. Please."

"I thought you'd enjoy my crying, idiot." Kyle's voice sounded hallow.

The brunette's expression seemed to soften as he watched the pathetic-looking boy in front of him try to silence his true emotions. "Yes…" he started quietly, "but…"

Kyle closed his eyes and moved his head away from Cartman, with the full intention of leaving the room. Cartman, however, was ready for this, placed each of his large hands on either side of the redhead's face and wrenched it back toward his own. He looked Kyle in the eyes forcefully as anger seemed to pour out of him.

His hands tightened on Kyle's face, forcing Kyle to look him in the eyes. "NO ONE EXCEPT ME IS SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU CRY, GOD DAMNIT!" he shook Kyle slightly, trying to get him to understand, but after a few moments of heavy breathing, his grip loosened and he let his hands drop to holding Kyle's upper arms.

The Jew's eyes widened. Suddenly the last few days seemed to overtake Kyle like an electroshock to the head. The world fell in place again. There was something to grab on to.

He looked into Cartman's brown eyes as something the boy said before rang in his head.

"_If it didn't snow… people wouldn't like the sun as much."_

The redhead continued to stare into Cartman's eyes as he thought about what that meant.

_If the snow wasn't there, people wouldn't appreciate the sun's warmth as much as they do…_

_If Stan wasn't there in comparison to Cartman, would I still hate Cartman as much?_

_And if Cartman wasn't there to compare to Stan, would I still love Stan as much?_

Seconds ticked by, but Cartman's continued to hold Kyle by his arms. It seemed like he was waiting for something… _anything_.

"Your answer is…" Kyle started quietly as the tears grew heavy in his eyes. But he never once looked away from the brown eyes staring him down. "He got drunk and lost control, and tried to… He hurt me, okay?! And I was fucking stupid for even letting it get that far!"

Cartman's eyes widened in surprise slightly, but Kyle continued. "The night after I lost my virginity he fucking gets on top of me and tells me he loves me!" The words just started spilling out of his mouth and kept going. "I had to push him off- there was something else I had to do. And he wouldn't stop!! Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"He was just drunk. He didn't mean it… he didn't mean it! I can't blame him-- he's my best f-f-friend! I love him, and he loves me! He wouldn't… he wouldn't hurt me on purpose!" Kyle tugged on Cartman's shirt and looked in his eyes pleadingly at his own reflection. He wasn't so much telling Cartman these things instead of… reaffirming them to himself.

"He couldn't hurt me," he said in disbelief. Cartman remained silent but still held the smaller boy by his arms. "He wouldn't. He's… Stan…"

_Why do I love him so much? This hurts. This really hurts._

Kyle hiccupped again and looked down, closing his eyes. "He's my… super best friend."

The silence that followed was one of the most awkward of both the boys' lives. Kyle continued to beat himself up in his head, and begin to get embarrassed at the fact Cartman was still holding him. Cartman's facial expression was anything but embarrassed, however, and he continued to stare down at the redhead, like he was trying to comprehend what Kyle said.

"He…" Cartman began. Kyle looked up and saw a look in Cartman's eyes he'd never seen before. _Does he look… concerned?_ Kyle couldn't quite believe what he was seeing. The brunette narrowed his eyes a little more and frowned, and said in a small voice, "He hurt you?"

"What's going on?" a voice said from the front of the classroom, causing both boys to jump and Cartman to quickly let go of Kyle. They both turned to see none other than Kenny standing in the doorway, watching them.

Kyle tried to wipe the remaining tears from his eyes, but to no avail-- Kenny obviously saw them.

"I was just giving him a harder time than usual," Cartman said, slightly pink. Kyle turned toward him in disbelief. _He's trying to cover up for me?_

Cartman attempted to smile and continued, "He's just such a little pussy, it's not my fault he cries so easily."

Kenny looked back and forth between the two boys and crossed his arms. "Right."

_He doesn't sound like he believes him… _Suddenly, a sick feeling overtook Kyle's senses and he swayed slightly. He grabbed onto a desk to steady himself.

"I feel sick…" he said quietly. Suddenly, he covered his mouth with his hand and ran out of the room. Cartman and Kenny stared after him.

--

_Keep it together Cartman. It's just Kahl, there's no reason to feel like this. But… seeing him like that drives me crazy. Seeing him sad… when it's not something I've done…_

The brunette narrowed his eyes as Kenny watched him amusedly.

_Stan… what have you done to _my_ Jew?_

--

I'm alive.

--

That morning, Kenny McCormick awoke in his run-down house, on his crappy torn mattress surrounded by trash and old food, to find that he was, in fact, alive. A surprise to himself more than anyone. Once he reached school, it was practically noon, and by then he'd figured out it was Wednesday.

_Why the fuck did I have to be dead the two days school was let off?_ _Fucking blizzard. _Kenny ran his hand through his blonde hair and traipsed through the halls lazily, toward the usual classroom, wearing a pair of ripped blue jeans and a black jacket. Since he died so often anyway, he wasn't too affected by it when he was miraculously resurrected. _I wonder what mess everyone's gotten into without me…_

The blonde looked around the hall and it vaguely registered it must have been lunchtime. However, he didn't want to deal with people quite yet, so he continued to his classroom. He walked past an open door to another class and didn't hear someone walk out behind him.

"Kenny?" a small voice said. Kenny stopped walking and turned to see none other than Butters, watching him like he'd seen a ghost (more or less). "You're…" he stuttered, attempting to word his confusion. "You're alive?"

Kenny suddenly felt the blood rush to his cheeks and looked away from the smaller blonde. How absolutely gay Butters looked, wearing layered pink and blue clothes. Those stupid big eyes. How much Kenny wanted Butters to stop looking at him like that.

"It appears I'm indestructible for the moment," he was looking everywhere in the hall except at Butters. Considering their goodbyes last time he was alive, he didn't particularly want to discuss his reoccurring deaths with Butters. He figured the other blonde would begin to blubber all over him if he mentioned it to much.

Sure enough, Butters walked toward him slowly, his lip trembling. _Here it comes_, Kenny thought to himself, bracing his ears for a loud crying fest. Butters was a known crybaby.

However, Kenny was not prepared when Butters took another quick step toward him and collided his fist with Kenny's ear.

"Shit!" Kenny cursed loudly, backing up and holding his ear as he looked back at Butters, eyes widened in surprise.

"DON'T EVER DIE AGAIN WHEN I SAY NOT TO!" Butters yelled loudly at him. Kenny was (to say the least) taken aback by this outburst, and remained quiet. Although Butters was obviously angry, his eyes were filling up with tears. "I was worried about you! I thought you'd died! You… you mean _idiot_!" His fists were clenched and shaking at either side of his small frame, ready to attack again if need be. "Now, I'm rather angry, and you're going to hear me out… at least with your good ear!"

Kenny remained silent, allowing Butters to continue. "You made me skip class, teased me, made me be completely selfish and killed yourself! I have every right to be angry and maybe even hit you again!" Although (unbeknownst to Kenny) Butters had never really hit anyone before and actually hurt his fist when he smashed it into Kenny's ear.

The smaller blonde folded his arms and looked crossly at Kenny. Kenny looked down for a moment, then a smile spread across his face. He removed his hand from his ear and took a step toward Butters, closing the space between them.

He met Butters' baby blue eyes. The smaller teen did not expect to see Kenny smiling. His angry pose broke for a moment as he glanced at Kenny's ear. It was bleeding slightly and looked like it hurt. "Oh no- Kenny! Your ear! We should get you to the nurse!"

The larger blonde laughed at him, shaking his head. _Butters would be like this_. "It's fine, Butters, I've had worse," he said darkly, his eyes flashing. His mind wandered back to the moment right before his death, to what Butters had yelled at him before the truck impounded his skull and caused his innards to seep all over the pavement.

"So… you don't want me away from you anymore?" Kenny asked Butters, smirking. This caused Butters to completely freeze in place and look up at Kenny. He appeared to be thinking back to that time, too, for a very obvious blush crept across his fair features. This, in turn, caused Kenny to feel embarassed as well.

"I just…" Butters said after a moment, looking down. He shifted between his feet as Kenny continued to grin at him. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the smaller blonde's arms stretched out toward Kenny and wrapped his arms around Kenny's middle. He pulled him in closely and let the tears fall.

"I'm glad you're not dead…" Butters admitted softly, his voice muffled in Kenny's black jacket. Kenny watched the blonde in his chest and remembered another time Butters had just grabbed him and hugged him. This time, though, the situation was entirely different. He let a small smile show on his face, since Butters wasn't looking.

A minute later, Butters removed his head from Kenny's jacket and looked at it in surprise, "Kenny! Where's your orange parka?"

Kenny continued to look down at him. _This morning, I saw it and decided I shouldn't wear it._ All his orange parkas were covered in debris and blood from whatever killed him last.

_I know that wearing those parkas is like I'm giving in and letting my destiny be decided for me… that I will continue to die until the day I actually die._

Once he realized he was in very close proximity with Butters' baby blue eyes, Kenny turned his head away and said quietly, "I just… didn't feel like wearing it."

Butters continued to watch the other blonde, his arms still draped around his middle, for a hint of any sort of emotion hiding underneath that seemingly harmless statement. A blush crept across Kenny's face and he quickly removed Butters' arms from his waist.

"I just figured… it's time for a change," he said, still not looking at Butters. _Why do I feel embarrassed? It's just Butters! Stupid, little, over emotional, possibly gay-_

"It probably is," Butters interrupted his train of thought. He glanced at the smaller teen just in time to see a toothy smile split his face. Kenny felt his face heat up more.

"Well… I'm going to be around for a while now, so don't… get tired of me, or anything," Kenny said awkwardly, turning his back on Butters and heading back toward his classroom.

"I'll see you in class, Ken!" Butters yelled after him. Kenny finally let himself smile once he knew Butters couldn't see him anymore. _He's right. I will see him._

"He couldn't hurt me," he heard Kyle say from inside the classroom. This causes Kenny to stop directly outside the classroom and listen in curiously. "He wouldn't. He's… Stan…"

…_What did I miss?_

He heard a pathetic hiccup and Kyle continued, "He's my… super best friend."

A long silence followed and Kenny almost wondered if Kyle had fallen asleep in the room. Instead, he realized as he peered in curiously, Cartman was holding Kyle's face and staring down at him like a hawk. Kyle's back was toward Kenny, so he couldn't make out his facial expression, but by the tremors wracking Kyle's shoulders, he assumed Kyle was crying. The silence seemed to stretch on forever.

"He…" Cartman began. Kenny noticed a look in Cartman's eyes he'd never seen before. _Does he look… concerned?_ Kenny could barely believe what he was seeing. The brunette narrowed his eyes a little more and frowned, "He hurt you?"

_Shit. Stan hurt Kyle? _Kenny's brain processed the information quickly. _If Cartman finds out… Stan's dead._

"What's going on?" Kenny said as he entered the classroom, causing both other boys to jump and Cartman to quickly let go of Kyle's face. The blonde wanted to smirk but knew he had to feign innocence unless he wanted the shit beat out of him as well.

Kyle pathetically tried to wipe the remaining tears from his eyes, but Kenny had already seen him crying and heard the conversation (unbeknownst to them), so it really was a pointless gesture.

"I was just giving him a harder time than usual, he's just such a little pussy, it's not my fault he cries so easily," Cartman said, blushing slightly. _Fucking liar,_ Kenny smirked. _You're protecting him. Oh Cartman, what has happened while I've been away?_

Kenny looked between the two boys in front of him and crossed his arms "Right."

Suddenly, Kyle took a dizzy step and grabbed ahold of the desk nearest to him. He looked green. "I feel sick…" he said quietly. Moments later, he covered his mouth with his hand and ran out of the room. Cartman and Kenny stared after him.

The brunette narrowed his eyes as Kenny watched him amusedly. After many moments lost in thought, Cartman snapped his attention back to Kenny. "What?" he asked rudely, obviously annoyed.

Kenny shrugged innocently and half-smiled at his best friend. "You fucking idiot. What did I miss while I was gone?"

Cartman, instead of huffing at Kenny and calling him a poor loser, did exactly the opposite of what Kenny expected. He crumpled into a desk chair and looked, for lack of a better word, defeated. Cartman looked like he'd fought a long battle and was finally accepting defeat.

Kenny watched him wordlessly for another minute, pushing his greasy bangs out of his face, and walked over to Cartman. He sat on the desk next to the brunette and looked up at the ceiling. There was a bitten pencil stuck in the ceiling next to an array of dried spit balls—Kenny quickly deducted Cartman was the perpetrator of both and they were in fact sitting in Kyle's seat.

The blonde glanced down at the larger boy sitting lower than him. Cartman looked disheveled. There were large bags under his eyes like he hadn't slept in weeks, and his clothes seemed to be fitting looser than normal. Some form of emotional baggage seemed to have been wearing him down in the five days since Kenny's disappearance.

"So, you really _aren't_ happy, are you?" Kenny said. This caused Cartman to look up at him— they both knew what conversation Kenny was referencing. The fateful day Cartman announced to Kenny that Wendy had offered to pay him to pretend to date him. It seemed like years since then, when it was in fact only a couple of weeks.

Kenny knew a lot had changed in his own self since that day, but he still wondered about Cartman. "You know, Cartman, I think you're becoming soft."  
A crease appeared between the brunette's eyebrows as he scowled at Kenny. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"The _old_ Eric Cartman would fight until he got what he wanted," Kenny started, looking out the window and smirking. His hair fell into his face again as he continued, "He wouldn't just let some stupid asshole get in the way of what he wanted—he'd find their weakness. He'd exploit them. He'd use whatever means necessary to achieve his ultimate goals. Cartman- you are possibly the only person alive that has deteriorated in the years since he was nine. You could really learn a few things from your past self. In fact, if your past self was here in this room, he'd probably tell you to stop acting like such a pussy and face facts."

Cartman watched Kenny confusedly, not exactly knowing what the blonde was referring to. "What are you talking about, Kenny?"

"I'm saying… don't give up! Use your brain! You're the sneaky, sociopathic, smart ass we've all come to know and hate—you should never just let someone change that!" Kenny finally met Cartman's eyes, and in them, a blaze began to appear from his words. "Everyone knows that the only way to truly lose is to give up."

The bell echoed through the practically empty classroom as Kenny hopped off the desk. "Hey Kenny?" Cartman said, still sitting in the desk.

"Yeah?" Kenny said, smiling and turning around, half expecting to be punched in the face for his bluntness.

"Your ear is bleeding," Cartman said smartly, almost smirking. "And… welcome back."

Kenny almost smiled at his welcome from Cartman, although that was not how their friendship worked. They were not the sentimental type. So Kenny would not let on how happy he was to be back, or that he truly cared for Cartman and wanted him to get his life in order.

_I'm not even going to think about how much shit Cartman would give me if he knew Butters punched me, though. _

As the rest of the class began to file back into the room, Kenny abandoned Cartman and sat down at his usual desk and noticed a manila folder lying on it. He picked it up and observed, curiously, that the words "Kenny's Work" were sprawled on one side. He flipped the folder open and, miraculously, it had a notebook filled with lecture notes and reading notes, and an outline for an essay due Thursday.

He looked over at where Butters was sitting down, and smiled.

--

Everything seemed at peace for a moment.

However, no one was prepared for the storm that was about to settle in Mr. Garrison's classroom. Be it the redhead returning from the nurse's, the brunette contemplating the words of his friend, or the dark haired boy heading into the classroom, having missed the first half of the day because his car being trapped in the snow.

--

---

--

AN: College is hard. I'm in art and have a shit ton of work. Please don't get too angry that I haven't updated my other stories either… WOAE is probably next. This chapter took so much energy to finish. BIG THINGS GO DOWN IN THE NEXT.

Thank you all for continuing to follow this story (and I) and not giving up hope. I wouldn't leave a story unfinished—some just take a lot longer.

THAT BEING SAID: I am so sorry if there are typos. I found time to finish this chapter today and I just want to put it up because it's been so long since I've updated this story.

Apologies and much love,

OR

PS: I love Kenny. I think I'm becoming a Kenny fan more than I was before I started writing this story.


End file.
